One of my favorite actresses passed away this weekend. I believe we are all mourning the loss of such a talented actress. (This image is free and may be used by anyone for any purpose. This file is licensed under the Creative CommonsAttribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.)
Diane Keaton was a resident of Southern California and she owned a home in Palm Springs, which she and her family used for vacations. Her daughter was a swimmer, like my kids, and we’d be surprised to see Keaton on our pool deck during holidays. Just like other swim families, kids often drop in on local teams while the family has vacation. There’s not many days of missing practice in the swim world.
One year at Summer Junior Olympics in Mission Viejo, I spotted Diane Keaton on the pool deck. She was dressed in her usual Annie Hall attire. I learned this weekend that Hall was her maiden name and Annie was her nickname. Also, that her personal wardrobe was used for the movie of the same name.
Other parents at the Mission Viejo pool spotted Diane Keaton that weekend, too. Within minutes there was a murmer around the pool deck that Diane Keaton was there!
One of the dad’s from our team was face to face with Diane Keaton. He said, “You look just like that actress…” He couldn’t remember her name.
“Diane Keaton,” she said.
“Yeah, that it’s it. Diane Keaton. You know you really look like her.”
“I am Diane Keaton,” she replied.
He didn’t believe her. Keaton asked him if he wanted a selfie with her. She took the selfie with his phone. That dad rushed back to our pop-up tent and blurted to the group of parents, “I just got a picture with a woman who looks just like Diane Keaton.”
We all answered in unison, “That IS Diane Keaton.”
What a special person she was who didn’t put on airs for being famous, but wanted to live a quiet private life in spite of being an iconic figure and major actor.
This photo was from my daughter’s last PAC 12 championship swim meet in Federal Way, Wash. It’s a ball pit in the lobby of the Natatorium for photo ops. Every year, they had something different to pose with. I’m sitting at the top right, not in the ball pit, because I’m wearing a brace after wrecking my knee skiing. This group of women were my compadres at the University of Utah — all proud swim moms of Utes.
Last week I was surprised to see an email with the subject line: “Swim Mom Advice.”
That brought me back to the roller coaster days of being a swim mom. Both my kids began swimming with our local club team at an early age. My son swam through high school, my daughter all four years of college.
A woman was emailing me for advice about her daughter who was a swimmer in college. No, I didn’t recognize the name. I have never met her. Nor, do I know who her daughter is or where she goes to college.
So why was she emailing me?
I used to write a weekly swim parenting advice column for SwimSwam, the world’s most read swim site. You can look at my stories HERE. I have a page for them on my blog.
For my column, I read sports parenting books and websites from “real” sports parenting experts. I also listened to podcasts. Although I used first-hand stories, I actually did homework and didn’t just write things off the cuff.
After a couple years, I started getting emails from swim moms sharing specifics about their children, coaches or teams. They wanted my advice. I turned this into a feature called “Ask Swim Mom” which I rotated into my weekly column. One thing about writing for SwimSwam, I got a lot of comments — some good, some downright vicious. For my “Ask Swim Mom” column a common comment was to stop making up stupid questions. That wasn’t true. I was flattered people emailed me.
I started writing for SwimSwam after interviewing for a managing editor job. The job turned out to be weekends and evenings — covering big swim meets — and not for that point in my life. But I did submit a story I wrote about being a swim mom. The founder and CEO of SwimSwam called me. He told me that if SwimSwam were a movie, they had a cast of characters, but no one to play the role of “Swim Mom.” He was casting me!
What was the email about?
There are lots of changes in collegiate swimming. I think it’s due to trickle down of NIL from football and other big money sports. Swimming loses money. It takes a lot of money to fund a pool. Consequently, rosters of swimmers are being cut at many teams. This swim mom said that swimmers were being cut, but not her daughter. Some of her daughter’s roommates and best friends were out. People including moms weren’t speaking to each other. I can only imagine how hard that would be for all the parents and swimmers — those who are staying have survival guilt. Those who were cut are devastated.
In any case, it felt good to be a swim mom again for a day. I replied to her email and asked my daughter for her advice and included it, too.
In the end, my daughter transitioned from swimmer to swammer and became a working adult. Of course, COVID shut downs had a lot to do with it not being easy. My swim mom days were over and I thought to myself, “Who would want my advice anyway?” Hence the end of “Ask Swim Mom” and my weekly column for SwimSwam.
What time in your life do you look back on and miss — or not miss? And why?
I wrote this post in 2015 when my daughter was swimming in college. Watching the Olympics and having a connection to a few of the swimmers made me miss my swim mom days.
My daughter diving in for the 1000 free during a dual meet. Utes vs. USC. She’s the one with pointed toes.
We went to my daughter’s first college dual meet of the season this weekend. I loved every minute of the meet, but even more, spending time with her. She invited several swim teammates out to dinner. It felt like the sprinkle of rain after a long drought—listening to them laugh and talk about their meet and practices.
I didn’t realize how much I miss the little daily things about being an age-group swim mom.
I miss the kids hanging out. So many personalities, so many different families, all bound together by one common goal. Swimming.
My son and swim team friends. He’s in front.
I have a fierce loyalty to our team and the couple times when factions of parents split off to form their own teams, I was shocked and hurt. It felt like losing members of my immediate family. I’d always wonder why? I never thought we had a bad experience—maybe at times less than perfect—but I guess that’s part of the reason I didn’t understand.
Good times were sitting together in the stands cheering for all our kids. Getting the new team t-shirts, sipping Starbucks on a chilly winter morning under the pop-up tents. Chatting and laughing with parents while we waited to see what the day’s meet would bring. I loved working with our parents and officials under the admin tent, in awards, or in the snack bar at our home meets.
The team cheer at an away meet.
I loved having kids over to the house to hang out between morning and afternoon practices during long hot summer days. I loved cooking eggs, bacon and sausage in bulk for a pack of hungry swimmers. I was amazed at how much they could eat as a group. I loved having the team over for painting t-shirts for a big meet.
Swim team girls painting t-shirts for a meet in our back yard with their coach.
I loved listening to the kids laughing about silly things that happened in practice and the goofy songs they played and sang to like “Funkytown” and the “Numa Numa Song.”
Most of all, l I loved seeing my kids smiling, laughing and enjoying their friendships. Throughout the years, my kids were surrounded by amazing kids, families and coaches. Just being in the background was a joy.
I miss those days.
Group photo on t-shirt painting day.
My daughter receiving ribbons from her first coach.
What do you miss about earlier years in your life?
I wrote this a while ago when Sam Darnold was a quarterback with USC. I liked his low key, humble way about him. Now he’s the backup QB for San Francisco 49ers heading to the Superbowl and I’m still a fan. He was third pick in the draft and became starting QB for the NY Jets.
As a mom who was engrossed (obsessed?) for years as a swim mom — and had my kids in private lessons — I found Sam’s parents to be exceptional at sports parenting.
They were parents who let their phenom athletically-gifted kid, be just that. A kid.
My husband asked me to read a story from the Bleacher Report about USC Quarterback Sam Darnold. I put him off for a day because frankly, I wasn’t that interested. I finally read it to appease him and found Sam’s story to be fascinating—mainly because of the parenting style of Mike and Chris Darnold.
From childhood through high school, Sam played basketball, football, and baseball. I think he played volleyball, too. His parents let him try and decide what sports he participated in. They didn’t make him specialize or get him private lessons or coaches. In fact, Sam believes his success in football is from playing all different sports and learning a variety of skills. In a refreshing story written by Jeff Perlman, you find out about a dying breed of parents—ones who believe in fun and no pressure. Parents who let their child lead his own life.
“USC’s star quarterback and his parents do not live by the LaVar Ball theory of the universe. They let a multisport supernova grow up into his own man. And that’s why this 20-year-old might be the No. 1 pick in next year’s NFL draft.”
Yet the story of Sam Darnold isn’t the story of the modern quarterback, loud and sparkly and created to own the internet’s 24-hour hype machine. Nope, it’s the story of a young man on the verge of superstardom because, not long ago, he was allowed to diversify.
He was allowed to be a kid.
The Darnolds’ Capistrano Beach household is in the heart of south Orange County, where there are youth sports leagues atop leagues atop leagues, and private coaches atop private coaches atop private coaches.
In Orange County, it’s not uncommon for a nine-year-old pitcher to throw sliders and curveballs nine or 10 months of the year—with a father behind the backstop holding a radar gun. It’s not uncommon for a quarterback to play Pop Warner, then a season of flag and then spend the summer under the watchful eye of a $200-an-hour passing guru.
This was not going to happen to Sam.
“My parents,” the quarterback says, “wouldn’t have allowed it.”
On paper, this might come as a surprise. One would be hard-pressed to find a more sports-centric family than the Darnolds. Mike (Sam’s dad) was an offensive lineman at the University of Redlands, Chris (Sam’s mom) a volleyball player at Long Beach City College. Sam’s older sister Franki starred in volleyball at the University of Rhode Island and three of his cousins—Allie, Michele and A.J.—also participated in collegiate volleyball. Sam’s late grandfather, Dick Hammer, played basketball at USC and was on the 1954 team that went to the Final Four. He was also a member of the 1964 U.S. Olympic men’s volleyball team.
Put simply, organized athletics are a big deal in the Darnold world and have been for decades.
“But,” says Chris, “they’re not everything. We’ve always tried to keep things in perspective. Yes, our children have always loved playing sports. But around here, in this part of California, it too often becomes live and die. That’s a big mistake in my opinion. It has to be fun.”
“One day you open your eyes and it’s, ‘Holy cow, your son is in this position,’” Mike says. “I mean, it’s crazy, right? Crazy, crazy, crazy—one in a million.”
He pauses. Though Chris is acknowledged by family members as the emotional one, the father has been showing his soft side of late. He insists he never cared whether his children played sports or an instrument or worked a job—as long as they were involved and happy and tried different things. But to have a son as USC’s starting quarterback; to have a son who is a Heisman Trophy front-runner; to have a son who is humble and decent and respectful?
“Say what you want,” Mike says. “Sam’s not flashy, he’s not a yeller, he’s not a trophy collector, a bragger. But I feel like we worked hard to raise our kids the right way. And it’s paid off.”
I believe the Darnolds have lessons for many sports parents, myself included. Of course, they had an exceptionally athletic son who could have been recruited in basketball, baseball or football. But more than that, they raised a humble, balanced kid. They are proud of him as a person, not just as a star athlete. Their attitude and parenting style helped develop Sam into the man he is and will become.
Here’s another great article in the Los Angles Times called “As expectations swell, USC’s Sam Darnold finds comfort at home near the beach” by Zach Helfand.
Look what popped up yesterday:
What are your thoughts about kids specializing in one sport at an early age?
A flow chart my daughter made for me after she proofread an article I wrote for SwimSwam.
Shout out to Ally Bean of The Spectacled Bean for her post yesterday. It inspired me to write about where we get our blog ideas, plus reminded me of the flow chart above that I used in an article called “Does Your Child Want to Swim in College” for SwimSwam. Ally had a flow chart in her post called “Is it a penguin?”
I used to write a weekly sports parenting column for SwimSwam. I came up with an idea every week for five years from my personal experiences, parenting mistakes, plus observing other parents with their kids on the pool deck. I’d get ideas from coaches and interview Olympians and coaches. I even got emails from parents around the world asking me for advice, which started a Dear Abby-type column called “Ask Swim Mom.” I began swimming myself and would ask my coach for ideas while I was hanging onto the wall. I’d ask my daughter to read my columns before turning them in and she had great advice (like adding her flow chart).
Swimming is a sport that lasts 50 weeks a year with practice six days a week, with a couple two-a-day practices thrown in per week. You can imagine how obsessed and focused swimming families can become. My goal with my column was to let kids be kids and own their own sport. In other words, parents need to back off.
Now, that my kids have left the nest, I no longer have the desire to write about swimming or parenting. I began my blog writing financial advice for women. I realized within a few weeks that nobody wanted to read that. Then I moved on to swimming, parenting and things that were going on in my day-to-day life. I’m still writing about my daily life, but life has slowed down. Sometimes my posts are photos of birds from my Bird Buddy or sunrises and sunsets.
My daughter on a Utah Utes women’s swim meet poster
Every morning my husband and I get ready for our walk around 5 a.m. to avoid the heat. We don’t make it out the door for at least 30 minutes, needing clothes, clean teeth and coffee!
Consistently, we see one other couple out early. We say “Good morning!” “What a beautiful day,” and usually walk on.
During the weekend, my husband stopped to ask about their granddaughters who are swimmers. They told us their oldest signed with Northwestern and their youngest is getting calls across the country at top colleges. They talked about how they did at CIF (California Interscholastic Federation) where swimmers compete for their high school teams and how they were top finalists.
“Our daughter was a multiple CIF Champion,” my husband mentioned. Yes, she was. That’s a memory I’ll look back on with pride.
Our neighbors talked about a meet they just returned from in Northern California, the George Haines International Swim Meet. Yes, we’ve been to that meet, too. It’s filled with top swimmers including Olympians from the USA, Europe and Mexico.
Here’s a video I took of warm up from the George Haines International meet in 2017:
The conversation with our neighbors brought back so many memories from the days our kids swam. Busy days traveling to meets, staying in hotels, sitting with favorite parents on the stands. Each morning we wondered what the day would bring.
I felt a little sad and melancholy after talking to our neighbors. I’m glad we were a swim family. But there’s no going back to those days. On a sad note, the team our kids swam with from kindergarten through high school folded a few weeks ago after more than 50 years. I couldn’t count the hours we spent volunteering and supporting our team.
My daughter celebrating with her relay team at the end of a swim meet.
What memories from days past do you think about in a happy or melancholy way?
My daughter leaning on a block, cheering on a teammate who was trying for her first NCAA cut at the PAC 12 swimming championships.
One of the things I like about the resort we visit in Mexico is a super hot jacuzzi outside our patio with a cold plunge pool next to it. We spend the evenings going back in forth between the two.
I’m not alone enjoying this sensation. I read in the Wall Street Journal that a new home trend — besides backyard bars — is cold plunge pools.
In an article called “The Hottest New Home Amenity? ‘It’s Brutal.'” According to reporter Jessica Flint, “Homeowners are spending tens of thousands of dollars to outfit their properties with cold plunges.”
Here’s an excerpt:
Most mornings after Stephen Garten wakes up at his home in Austin, Texas, he goes into his backyard and starts pacing, preparing himself for what’s next. “It’s brutal,” says Garten, 37, the founder and CEO of social impact company Charity Charge. “It’s a real challenge every day.”
He’s talking about lowering himself into a 66-inch-long and 24-inch-wide stainless steel tub clad in customized zebrawood and submerging himself up to his neck in water that he sets at 39 degrees Fahrenheit, with water circulating at 1,400 gallons a minute. “It’s like being in a river,” he says of the flow rate produced by this particular vessel, a Blue Cube cold plunge.
It’s an experience that Garten typically tolerates for less than two minutes at a time, once or twice a day. And it comes at a price of $19,000. Blue Cube, based in Redmond, Ore., makes cold plunge units that cost between around $18,000 and $29,000.
I don’t know about you, but that seems like a pricey addition to the backyard. Fortunately, our pool only gets a little morning sun and even though it’s June — it’s still pretty cold. Of course not 39 degrees cold, but inviting after sweating during my morning walk! In the winter, it’s cold enough I stand waist deep after a hike on our nature trails. It helps get my legs back under me.
I have a friend from college who lives in Sun Valley, Idaho. Her husband said they have a snowy creek behind their house and he gets in and lays down after working out! Wow!
It reminds me of my daughter’s swimming years. Starting in high school, she’d have an ice bath after prelims. Finals would be in the evening and to get her legs back in shape we’d fill the tub in the hotel with cold water and ice from the ice maker down the hall. She’d get in with some sound effects and sit waist deep in ice water!
Afterwards, she lay on the ground with her legs up against the wall.
Ice baths and cold plunges have been used for years by athletes. Now the trend is going mainstream and the health benefits include less joint, muscle pain and anxiety, boosted energy and more focus.
The good news is you don’t have to spend tens of thousands of dollars to reap the benefits. All you need is a tub with ice and cold water!
What are your thoughts about cold plunge or ice baths? Have your tried it? If so, did it help your with pain, sore muscles or stress?
When our kids were young swimmers on the Piranha Swim Team in Palm Springs.
