I wrote this a while ago when Sam Darnold was a quarterback with USC. I liked his low key, humble way about him. Now he’s the backup QB for San Francisco 49ers heading to the Superbowl and I’m still a fan. He was third pick in the draft and became starting QB for the NY Jets.
As a mom who was engrossed (obsessed?) for years as a swim mom — and had my kids in private lessons — I found Sam’s parents to be exceptional at sports parenting.
They were parents who let their phenom athletically-gifted kid, be just that. A kid.
My husband asked me to read a story from the Bleacher Report about USC Quarterback Sam Darnold. I put him off for a day because frankly, I wasn’t that interested. I finally read it to appease him and found Sam’s story to be fascinating—mainly because of the parenting style of Mike and Chris Darnold.
From childhood through high school, Sam played basketball, football, and baseball. I think he played volleyball, too. His parents let him try and decide what sports he participated in. They didn’t make him specialize or get him private lessons or coaches. In fact, Sam believes his success in football is from playing all different sports and learning a variety of skills. In a refreshing story written by Jeff Perlman, you find out about a dying breed of parents—ones who believe in fun and no pressure. Parents who let their child lead his own life.
“USC’s star quarterback and his parents do not live by the LaVar Ball theory of the universe. They let a multisport supernova grow up into his own man. And that’s why this 20-year-old might be the No. 1 pick in next year’s NFL draft.”
Yet the story of Sam Darnold isn’t the story of the modern quarterback, loud and sparkly and created to own the internet’s 24-hour hype machine. Nope, it’s the story of a young man on the verge of superstardom because, not long ago, he was allowed to diversify.
He was allowed to be a kid.
The Darnolds’ Capistrano Beach household is in the heart of south Orange County, where there are youth sports leagues atop leagues atop leagues, and private coaches atop private coaches atop private coaches.
In Orange County, it’s not uncommon for a nine-year-old pitcher to throw sliders and curveballs nine or 10 months of the year—with a father behind the backstop holding a radar gun. It’s not uncommon for a quarterback to play Pop Warner, then a season of flag and then spend the summer under the watchful eye of a $200-an-hour passing guru.
This was not going to happen to Sam.
“My parents,” the quarterback says, “wouldn’t have allowed it.”
On paper, this might come as a surprise. One would be hard-pressed to find a more sports-centric family than the Darnolds. Mike (Sam’s dad) was an offensive lineman at the University of Redlands, Chris (Sam’s mom) a volleyball player at Long Beach City College. Sam’s older sister Franki starred in volleyball at the University of Rhode Island and three of his cousins—Allie, Michele and A.J.—also participated in collegiate volleyball. Sam’s late grandfather, Dick Hammer, played basketball at USC and was on the 1954 team that went to the Final Four. He was also a member of the 1964 U.S. Olympic men’s volleyball team.
Put simply, organized athletics are a big deal in the Darnold world and have been for decades.
“But,” says Chris, “they’re not everything. We’ve always tried to keep things in perspective. Yes, our children have always loved playing sports. But around here, in this part of California, it too often becomes live and die. That’s a big mistake in my opinion. It has to be fun.”
“One day you open your eyes and it’s, ‘Holy cow, your son is in this position,’” Mike says. “I mean, it’s crazy, right? Crazy, crazy, crazy—one in a million.”
He pauses. Though Chris is acknowledged by family members as the emotional one, the father has been showing his soft side of late. He insists he never cared whether his children played sports or an instrument or worked a job—as long as they were involved and happy and tried different things. But to have a son as USC’s starting quarterback; to have a son who is a Heisman Trophy front-runner; to have a son who is humble and decent and respectful?
“Say what you want,” Mike says. “Sam’s not flashy, he’s not a yeller, he’s not a trophy collector, a bragger. But I feel like we worked hard to raise our kids the right way. And it’s paid off.”
I believe the Darnolds have lessons for many sports parents, myself included. Of course, they had an exceptionally athletic son who could have been recruited in basketball, baseball or football. But more than that, they raised a humble, balanced kid. They are proud of him as a person, not just as a star athlete. Their attitude and parenting style helped develop Sam into the man he is and will become.
Here’s another great article in the Los Angles Times called “As expectations swell, USC’s Sam Darnold finds comfort at home near the beach” by Zach Helfand.
Look what popped up yesterday:
What are your thoughts about kids specializing in one sport at an early age?
I think that these parents have a remarkable and rare attitude.
I’m very impressed with them.
Me too, especially in these days when people are obsessed with achieving success by any means
He is a naturally gifted athlete and lucky to have parents who didn’t pressure him.
Exactly
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Woohoo congrats on 10 years of blogging!
While I enjoyed playing sports in the street with friends, I was never a part of anything organized. I know young kids in ice hockey, dance, soccer, swim, and I have mixed feelings. The kids develop skills, build confidence, burn energy, and mostly have fun. On the other hand, some of the kids have so many extracurricular activities that they seem burned out, and I worry they’re missing out on their childhood. If I were a parents, unless my kid was absolutely dead-set on being “best in the world” at something, I would have them choose just one extracurricular activity that meets no more that 3-4 times per week. I’m sure it’s hard to strike a balance as a parent when you want your kid to be successful later in life (scholarships, etc.) while also enjoying being a kid.
I agree with your approach. My kids were over scheduled with activities. My son had lots of interests and I felt like a taxi racing him around. My daughter loved swimming. Unfortunately, there was no playing in the street. They were the only kids. The swim team was their place to play ultimate frisbee and other games before practice.
Congrats EA- you’ve stuck with the roller coaster that is WP for 10 years!
I love the way these parents approached choices based on their kids lead. I felt like I was sort of a mixed bag with the kids. They all tried various sports. Some found a niche they liked, others not so much. I think the only thing I pushed was that once they chose a class or sport they needed to stay with it for that one season or time period. We didn’t encourage dropping something in the middle hoping that would exemplify the concept of team work and commitment. End of season- they never had to come back if they chose not to. Two ended up focusing on music. Youngest went through Fastpitch Softball leagues for a number of years.
Thanks! My kids swam from kindergarten through high school and my daughter in college. My son had many other interests including music. I think he would have liked to quit swimming in high school, but didn’t want to disappoint us. I agree with not quitting until the season is over.
I think it’s great to have kids involved in athletics (too many sit on their butts staring at a screen) but I can see how it can become an obsession, both for the kid and the parent. Hats off to Sam’s parents for keeping him well grounded. Anther reason to route for the 49ers on Superbowl Sunday. 😎
Definitely! I’m rooting for the 49ers too. As second string, I hope he gets to play.
Oh, yes… “root.” I won’t even blame that on spellcheck. 🙂
I knew what you meant. 👍🏼
All of our kids were active in athletics since they were little, they tried all sorts of things and by high school they definitely had their favorites. Three of our four kids played a college sport but I agree with the Darnold’s approach, it has to be fun! Hugs, C
I agree it has to be fun. Otherwise it’s stressful and more like a job.
Oh, I love the descriptions of this wonderful young man – and the parenting that help to make him. Thank you so much, Elizabeth!
Thank you. He’s had a rough time in the NFL. I hope his new home in San Francisco works out.
This is so true, but hard in today’s world of specialization. I wasn’t an athlete, but my younger daughter developed a passion for gymnastics. 20 hours of practice every week plus many weekend meets during the competition season. When she wanted to try out for her school musical (she was in choir), her coaches were livid, but she did so, and the play turned out to be one of the highlights of her senior year. She also ended up doing very well at the state gymnastics meet which pacified her coaches. 🙂
Congratulations to your daughter for standing up for what she wanted to do. My kids were year round swimmers and the coaches can be very possessive of their time and practices. Gymnastics and swimming are both very time consuming sports.
Great story! It would be nice if all kids could be allowed to follow life’s journey this way. We weren’t really a sports family, but music was a big deal. My parents were a bit overbearing in that regard. I’m glad I did learn to read music, sing, and play a variety of instruments, but that was not something I ever excelled at. I did get to “letter” in marching band, though! And my band mates were the best buddies ever.
We had a musical family, too. I didn’t stick with band in high school, but I took private lessons with the flute and still play now and then. We weren’t an organized sports family but skied and golfed.
I love the parents philosophy. Much healthier than the way a lot of parents do things in my area.
When we were raising out kids, I’d say 99% of the parents were not like the Darnolds.
Same here
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