Category Archives: children

Three things to tell you daughter on grad night

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katwide

I wrote this post when my daughter graduated high school. With graduation season here, I decided to repost my thoughts from not quite ten years ago:

 
Today my little girl graduates high school. What a joy she has been to raise, teach and hang out with. I remember her kindergarten interview when she had to be tested for one of the coveted spots at St. Theresa’s. She had fun buns on her head and ankle high “Britney Boots,” marketed for little girls dreaming of becoming Britney Spears. She boldly entered the kindergarten class and announced to the world that she was “Robert’s little sister.”

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Today, I have a tall, wise-cracking young lady with a big smile and sparkle in her eye. If I could tell my daughter three things she needs to know for her next adventure called college, what would it be? 

katpromharry

First…

“To thine own self be true.” Don’t worry about what other people think. Do what you know is right. This famous quote is from Polonius to his son Laertes, before Laertes boards a boat to Paris in Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Even though it’s pretty old, it still resonates today.

katsurf

Second…

Happiness is not having a boyfriend or being thin. My mom would tell me the worst things when I was my daughter’s age — mainly focused on the need to “have a man” — or that “a man would make me happy.” This must be a throwback to my mother’s generation, where a woman’s identity and self-worth were wrapped up in a spouse. Instead, I will tell my daughter that happiness is found within yourself — by doing something that you love. Once you find happiness in yourself, only then can you share it with others.

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Last…

katandrobert

Don’t worry about what your career or major will be. You will figure it out. Don’t feel pressure about it. Most people going into college that have a major, change their minds anyway. Get your basic requirements out of the way and then after taking different classes, you will discover what you don’t like and what you do like.

And most importantly, not even on the list — I love you.

Utah Swimming and Dive Kat Wickham

What three things would you tell your son or daughter on graduation night?

The Letter

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My toddler daughter at Aliso Beach in Laguna, California.

My daughter called and asked me about a letter from her best friend that I never gave her. I had forgotten all about it. But wouldn’t you know, my husband on a separate phone call with her, brought it up.

“Why would your dad say anything about the letter?” I asked instantly upset.

“Mom, I’m 27 years old. I can handle it.”

At the time of the letter, my daughter was 13 years old. My daughter and her best friend had been together since birth. We (my friend and I) helped each other out with our second children by taking turns having them together several times a week. That gave one of us time to clean, shop or sleep! The older siblings were in half-day preschool.

I homeschooled our daughter sixth through eighth grade when our son began high school. Our daughter’s best friend was at a public middle school and we agreed to pick her up once a week while her mom was at work.

The plan was to have a craft or art project each Wednesday. Sometimes my daughter wanted to hang out with her best friend and not have a designated project. I thought everything was peachy when my friend said she had a letter to drop off from her daughter to mine.

She told me to read the letter before I gave it to my daughter. I was shocked. My daughter’s best friend was ending their friendship and said she was promised an art project on Wednesdays. She hoped my daughter would understand if they saw each other that she wouldn’t speak to her. She was never speaking to her again. I can’t remember exactly what else was in the letter, but it was mean and there was no way I’d let my daughter read that letter and be hurt.

I threw the letter away.

Of course my daughter wanted to know why Wednesdays were off and why she wasn’t going to her best friend’s house on Saturday, or having her over to our house.

I explained as best I could that her friend was going through some troubling times and to be patient and things would go back to normal. There were three major upheavals in the girl’s life that she was struggling through that I won’t share. But they were major and beyond what I thought my daughter needed to learn about at the time. I do think this rejection from her best friend without explanation has affected my daughter’s relationships today.

Their friendship was never the same again, although later in life they became civil.

Question. Would you have given the letter to your daughter or thrown it away like I did? Why or why not?

A New View: Changing My Outlook

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My new view while I work. This is the courtyard at the entrance to our house.

We are having houseguests for six nights beginning this weekend. My friend who moved from my Palm Springs neighborhood to less than a mile from us in Arizona is having a birthday party. She has four children who went to the same school with my two kids — K through high school. Although none of our kids were in the same class, they were like stepping stones, my two fitting neatly between her four.

These days there are a few spouses involved and she doesn’t have room for everyone — so I offered our two empty bedrooms. She took me up on it. I decided to get started de-catifying and cleaning Wednesday and not wait until a few hours before they arrive.

My refuge and work space is in our casita. Although I set up an office for myself in what was supposed to be the formal dining room, I’ve never used it — except the bookcase and to file paperwork. I have never sat at my desk and worked.

We knew right away that we didn’t need a formal dining room. We’ve never had one. I didn’t have one growing up, either. We’ve always had a table off the kitchen. We aren’t formal dining folks.

This is our dining room table and chairs that we moved from Palm Springs. I love the tree stump base. We acquired the table in the early 1990s when we bought our Palm Springs home. The prior owners of that house left it and it’s been our dining room table ever since.

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My husband works remotely and he is on the phone all day long — and he’s LOUD. The formal dining room/office is too close to his office and I can’t focus.

I found a work around. Headphones. I’m sitting at my desk in my office with headphones on listening to music and podcasts in the background as I write. It’s working.

It felt like moving again to get all my stuff out of the casita. I can’t believe what I squirreled away including snacks, books and papers.

At first I felt out of sorts working at my real desk, but I’ve decided it gives me a new outlook. A new perspective to my day. There’s also no sofa and TV to tempt me.

What is your work space like? Where is your favorite place to write and read?

About getting hacked

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Rainbow in the back yard
View of a rainbow from the backyard.

It was the day before I left for Seattle when I was folding laundry and making the bed. I was listening to podcasts on Spotify on my laptop. I set the laptop on the nightstand. Suddenly, the podcast stopped.

I didn’t think much about it. Huh, I thought. Did my screensaver stop it? I tried to start up the podcast again. No luck.

Later, I was looking at my email and I got one from Spotify telling me that a new email was associated with my account, or some such words. They asked me to click on a link if I didn’t change my email.

Well, I didn’t fall off the turnip truck and I wasn’t going to click on their link.

At that moment my son called to chat and I told him what happened.

“What’s the new email address?” he asked.

“Something @Yandex.com.”

“Mom! That’s Russian!”

Yikes! I spent the next hours changing passwords to everything. My son told me I needed a password manager like Last Pass and a VPN. He said in today’s world, those two things are a necessity.

I quickly installed the needed items and felt better.

I copied the body of the email from Spotify and found a link on their website to send in the info that “No. I didn’t change my email address and now I was blocked.” I still wasn’t going to click on their link. But Spotify got back to me quickly and told me they’d secure my account. I had trouble accessing it for several days. Again this week I was logged out.

I wonder why my Spotify account was hacked? What was the purpose? Was it to gain access to my laptop and passwords?

This was not how I had planned spending my last day at home before my trip to Seattle to spread Mom’s ashes and reminisce with family.

Have you been hacked? Was it email or an app?

Do you have VPN or a password manager?

Four-day school week passed in Arizona

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saguaro in Arizona
Arizona scenery

Have you heard about the four-day work week? Recent studies show it’s gaining support.

In Arizona, west of Phoenix, one school district looked into a four-day school week for kindergarten through eighth graders.

A school district west of Phoenix has agreed to move to a four-day school week after months of research and community feedback.

In a news release from Liberty Elementary School District (LESD) on Nov. 14, it was announced the district that serves more than 4,500 students in Buckeye and Goodyear will shorten its school week.

The K-8 students will observe the new schedule in the upcoming 2023-2024 school year.

“The decision comes after months of research, community discussions and surveys. The idea was first explored last year as a cost savings measure in response to failing to pass a budget override. After surveying staff and families in the spring, it was clear this idea garnered initial support regardless of how much money it saved. For that reason, combined with the potential to better recruit teachers in a nationwide shortage, the idea was further explored,” the news release read.

A committee was formed and met several times to research, develop four-day plan options, and go over the pros and cons.

“The LESD administration recognizes that while this change may be viewed favorably by some, it is also not the first choice for some of our staff members and families. Much work lies ahead to adjust calendars, contracts and other logistics to line up with this new four-day week,” the district said.

Students will have an extra 40 minutes tacked onto their school day, but in exchange, they’ll have Fridays off.

https://www.fox10phoenix.com/news/arizona-school-district-approves-four-day-school-week

As for four-day work weeks, employers are having a tough time attracting employees. Especially getting them back into the office after working remotely. Many companies have hybrid schedules of two days in the office, three days at home, or the reverse.

Towards the end of 2022, headlines began popping up trumpeting the arrival, at long last, of a new way of working. Business Insider’s, for example, read: “New Research May Have Just Paved the Way for the 4-Day Week.” The research in question was the first large-scale, independent pilot programs to test the impact of reducing the workweek to roughly 32 hours, without any reduction in pay.

Conducted by the non-profit organization 4 Day Week Global (4WDG), the two pilots were based on six-month trials that included 33 companies and a total of 903 employees, primarily in the U.S. and Ireland. They confirmed a thesis that has been gathering steam for a while: a shorter work week is better for both employees and employers.

https://time.com/6248369/4-day-work-week-2023/

What’s your opinion of four-day school or work weeks?

In the name of equity

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We woke up to two inches of snow yesterday, which quickly melted.

My kids went to Palm Springs High School, one of several high schools in our district. They had a longtime principal who was popular with students and teachers alike. I think the main reason the teachers liked him is he left them alone. He didn’t get in their way of creating curriculum or classroom management.

He retired and a principal was moved from another high school in the district. The new principal immediately made changes. His first move was to tell established AP teachers they would be moved to general ed classes. He was going to appoint new teachers to the AP classes.

He wanted the excellent AP teachers, who had been there for years, to help students who were struggling. The kids in College Prep and AP would do just fine no matter who taught them.

However, he didn’t realize that some courses like AP Calc or AP Chem could not be taught by anyone!

The teachers were furious. They had taught their courses — in some cases — dozens of years. They had developed their curriculum and loved what they were doing.

Parents were asked to go to a meeting with teachers and the superintendent. The teachers wanted our support. It was one of those meetings where parents and teachers voiced their concerns, but we realized the superintendent and principal’s minds were made up. The meeting was a weak attempt to appease us.

Two excellent teachers, the AP Chemistry and AP History teachers, resigned. They decided to retire.

Then the new principal announced reassignment of the Latin teacher to teach English. She had created a four-year Latin program which was used as a model throughout California.

The other high schools in the district didn’t offer Latin, so it would be eliminated at Palm Springs High School. That’s only fair, right?

We had a standing-room only meeting with the school board. Here’s an excerpt from an article in the local paper The Desert Sun about the controversy:

The Latin language isn’t dead, at least not in Palm Springs. Some community members are fighting to keep it that way.

Parents, teachers and current and former students showed up to speak at Tuesday’s Palm Springs Unified board meeting, outraged by the reassignment of Palm Springs High School’s beloved Latin teacher. Svetlana Lazarova has been teaching all levels of Latin for more than two decades, and according to students and parents, Palm Springs High School administration informed Lazarova of her departmental transfer on the very last day of school.

“My greatest concern is how it was handled,” said Anne Hebert, a teacher at Palm Springs High School. “She was told within one hour before the end of the school year that she would be an English teacher.”

Lazarova joined the Latin program at Palm Springs High School in 1993. When she started, there were eight students in her class. Twenty years later, enrollment was up to 200 students across six classes. According to a 2013 interview with the California Teachers Association, she gave up her prep period to accommodate the high demand.

But students say the popularity of her class never prevented her from mentoring students individually. Lazarova’s first year students start with the basics of Latin grammar and vocabulary. By the end of the fourth year, they’re able to navigate the worlds built by Cicero’s prose and Virgil’s poetry. 

https://www.desertsun.com/story/news/education/2018/06/13/palm-springs-community-unites-protest-reassignment-latin-teacher/698292002/

I’m happy to let you know we won and Lazarova still teaches Latin at Palm Springs High. The new principal was either fired or transferred.

In current news, students in Virginia who earned National Merit Awards weren’t told about them because it might hurt other students. It reminded me of the Latin controversy at PSHS.

What do you think about cutting out courses in high schools like Latin so all schools are the same? Or not informing kids of their National Merit awards?

Even the alligator got topped with snow.

Thoughts about social media and kids

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kids and their dog
My kids at the beach with Angus our best dog ever.

My kids are three years apart in age. They had different experiences with social media growing up. I think “My Space” appeared when my son was in junior high and he didn’t have a smart phone. Kids in his class got in trouble for bullying and posting content that wasn’t considered appropriate.

If I remember correctly, my son got his first iphone for high school graduation. Facebook, My Space and whatever else was popular back then wasn’t a significant part of his life.

My daughter on the other hand had friends with iphones as early as third grade. I think we held off until she was 13 or 14.

At the pool, whether it was swim practice or meets, before the advent of smart phones, the kids would all hang out together under pop-up tents and play word games, cards or Catchphrase. The high school kids would play alongside the middle and elementary school-aged kids. I loved that about swim team.

By the time my daughter was in high school, everyone sat like robots on their iphones. There was bullying going on between teammates sitting yards apart. Nobody talked or laughed like they used to.

Now I’m seeing reports from the CDC, prestigious medical centers and doctors that social media is harmful to kids under a certain age. Although most social media sites restrict use to kids under 13 — it’s a well known fact that 10 year-olds are using social media sites.

Here’s an excerpt from an article called Protecting kids from social media’s harms by Stephanie Whiteside:

(NewsNation) – How young is too young for social media?

Surgeon General Vivek Murthy is saying 13 years old is too young for social media accounts. Under U.S. law, sites that allow those under 13 to create accounts have to abide by stricter policies around data collection and privacy.

Research has shown social media can be harmful to kids and teens who are still developing their identities, damaging mental health and even impacting brain development.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/medical/protecting-kids-from-social-medias-harms/ar-AA16U7sg

Legislation is being considered that would ban social media use for those under 16 years old. It’s much like banning the purchase of alcohol and cigarettes to under 18 or 21.

What are your thoughts about legislation and social media? Should it be up to individual parents? Or would it help to make social media against the law for younger than 16?