Category Archives: Empty Nest

Views and things on my mind

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Olive got into my suitcase while I was unpacking and began scratching and biting it. I got her message loud and clear.

After a week home, I’m starting to feel settled. It’s been a super busy week, filled with long to do lists. What is helping me avoid gripping anxiety is morning walks, a few swims at the YMCA and having Olive fall asleep on my lap.

I read an article about cancer the other day in the Wall Street Journal. I learned something new that I feel is valuable to share. Cancer runs in families.

The article was called “Cancer Runs in Families. Too Few Are Getting Tested.”

by Brianna Abbott:

Dr. Shoshana Ungerleider knew what her father’s pancreatic cancer diagnosis meant for his future. She didn’t realize what it meant for her own cancer risk. 

Steven Ungerleider’s doctors ordered genetic testing in 2022 to see if his cancer might respond to a new treatment. They found he had a mutation in the BRCA2 gene, which raises risks for cancers including pancreatic, breast and ovarian—and can be passed from parents to children. 

Ungerleider and her sister got tested and discovered they had the same mutation. 

“I had no idea that this was possible for me,” said Ungerleider, 43, an internal medicine doctor and founder of End Well, a nonprofit focused on end-of-life care. 

Doctors are recommending genetic tests to more cancer patients and their families. Testing costs have dropped, and the results are helping doctors choose newer targeted drugs and encourage relatives to confront their own cancer risk. 

“We can test you for dozens of genes at the same time, and it’s going to influence your treatment,” said Dr. Jewel Samadder, co-leader of the Office of Precision Medicine at the Mayo Clinic Comprehensive Cancer Center in Phoenix.

I’ve had cancer on my mind, obviously after my future DIL was diagnosed with stage three colon cancer and has undergone successful surgery. What this article told me is all too clear. In my DIL’s family several of her sisters were diagnosed and treated for cancer in their 20s and 30s.

I think it would be wise if you have had family members with cancer, to get tested, too.

Here’s more from the article:

Some 10% of cancers are associated with genetic inheritance, including the BRCA mutations linked to breast and ovarian cancer risk in the 1990s. BRCA mutations have since been linked to other cancers, and dozens more gene variations have been shown to raise cancer risks. 

Tests that hunt for these variations using blood or saliva samples cost around $250 out-of-pocket, down from around $4,000 a decade ago. 

Doctors have broadened guidelines for who should get tested, including all patients with ovarian, metastatic prostate and pancreatic cancer and some with colorectal and breast. Some are pushing for universal testing after some studies showed that around half of genetic cancer links are missed under standard testing guidance. 

https://www.wsj.com/health/healthcare/cancer-runs-in-families-too-few-are-getting-tested-4e14b8a6?mod=Searchresults_pos2&page=1

Here’s a beauty of a barrel cactus in bloom outside my window.

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This roadrunner found a perch to watch the quails in our backyard.

What are your thoughts about cancer running in families? Would you get tested if your parents or siblings had cancer? Would you recommend friends to have testing done?

Things are going haywire

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After posting photos of all the gorgeous houses on the beach, I’m sharing the house we’ve rented each summer since 2018. It’s a three-block walk downhill to the beach. Behind the yellow front door is the bedroom. Upstairs is the living room, kitchen and bathroom. I think it’s cozy and cute.

We made the drive home from Santa Barbara to Arizona in eight hours. We left in the wee hours of the morning and we’re both exhausted. Kitty Olive was so glad to see us. The cat sitter took good care of her and left notes like “Olive was lonely so I petted her for 20 minutes and turned on classical music.”

Once home, I ran into all sorts of weird snafus. The lamp on my nightstand collapsed at the neck where the light bulb is. Then I couldn’t get my Bird Buddy (AI bird feeder) to charge after bringing the camera unit inside while we were out of town. Then I tried to log into my Cox app on my phone to view the outside camera — and it logged me out — and won’t let me log back in. I tried resetting the password. Nothing worked. Not even our cable TV.

I received money via Venmo and I tried to transfer the money, only to get a message that Venmo wasn’t available in my area.

My husband snapped at me over something minor. I realized we are both tired and I gracefully accepted his apology.

Everything is going haywire. It’s like our house is upset we left it alone for three weeks. The electronics are rebelling.

I decided to focus on my reactions. I can’t control many of the issues surrounding me. But I can control how I react. I closed my eyes and pretended I was sitting on the beach listening to waves.

Here are a few more photos:

The kitchen of the house we rented. I love the shabby chic decor.

The view from the patio with barbecue and table. Perfect except for electrical lines.

The cottage we rented in Laguna Beach for at least 15 years while our kids were growing up. That’s our beloved Angus on the front porch (RIP). Can you see why I’m a beach cottage fan?

How do you react when electronics seem to be working against you? What do you do to control your reaction when things seem out of control?

It tastes like real food!

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Vine-ripened tomatoes from Farmer Fred’s stand at the Santa Barbara Farmers Market.

I can’t believe the difference in the flavor of food on our vacation compared to our new home in Arizona. We visit two Farmer’s Markets each week. Farmer Fred, as we call him, is friends with our Santa Barbara friends. We’ve visited his stand for years. The first night in town, we were invited to a barbecue that included Fred and his family. His wife sliced his flavorful tomatoes and made caprese with buffalo mozzarella, balsamic and basil. The next weekend after visiting the Farmers Market, I came home with a bag of Farmer Fred’s tomatoes and made caprese for appetizers and lunches — but used mint instead of basil — since that’s what I could find.

The flavor of these tomatoes brought back childhood memories when fresh vegetables from gardens were a staple in Snohomish, Wash. — and probably still are. The grocery store veggies I normally buy are tasteless.

A few of our delicious tomatoes, buffalo mozzarella with mint and balsamic.

Then there’s the fruit. The fruit stand next to Farmer Fred’s is unbelievable. Our favorite pluot is called Dapper Dandy. The ladies who own the stand call out “Dapper Dandy, tastes like candy!” It is the last week for Dapper Dandies so we’ve stocked up — and yes, eating them like candy.

A yellow peach (amazingly delicious) with Dapper Dandies.

Clam chowder and a fish taco at the Santa Barbara Harbor.

Our daughter called us on our drive back from the harbor where we had lunch of fish tacos and chowder at On the Alley. We said we wished Brophy Bros, the signature restaurant in the harbor, that owns On the Alley — to open one in Arizona.

“It won’t work,” our daughter insisted. “First is the fish, fresh off the boat in the harbor.”

Unfortunately, she’s right. I won’t get that taste of freshly caught cod topped with locally grown avocado, pickled onions, queso fresco & salsa blanca in Arizona. It logistically isn’t possible. So I’m enjoying it while I’m here.

Lastly, we were so disappointed to discover that our breakfast burrito place in Beach LIquors had been “poofed.”

Look what happened to our breakfast burrito spot!

We tried several Mexican restaurants and found one that fit our tastebuds perfectly inside a liquor store called Kim’s. It’s close to the house we’re renting — and the food is delicious.

Al Pastor tacos at our new “spot” called Kim’s Liquor Store. In the back of the store is a kitchen with Beto the chef cooking burritos, tacos, platos and daily specials.

I can’t figure out why we don’t have any decent Mexican food by us in Arizona. I think it’s the area where we live and if we drove 45 minutes to an hour south we could find some, but I’m not willing. I’d rather drive to Mexico if I’m headed down that way!

What a difference fresh produce and fish makes for flavor and enjoyment of meals. I wonder if I can start a garden in my backyard? I haven’t gotten the hang of gardening after years of trying in the desert. Western Washington was ideal for growing everything — and we had fresh seafood, too.

What are your favorite fresh fruits and vegetables where you live? Are you able to grow them yourself? Or do you have farmers markets nearby? What about fresh seafood?

Another dog story

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Malamute puppy

10-week-old Malamute Emma.

I’m not in a good mood today. So I thought writing about and posting cute puppy pics would help.

Our next door neighbor is a single guy who loves his Malamutes. He’s always owned them. About a month ago, he knocked on our door sobbing and asked for my husband to help him get his dog into his car. He had decided it was time to say good-bye.

He asked my husband if he was making the right decision.

My husband looked at the dog laying on the floor, who was unable to stand, but its tail was thumping on the ground.

“Yes, you are making the right decision.”

Since that fateful day, we’ve seen our neighbor in his yard, watering plants during our early morning walk. He’s often in tears and apologizes to us.

This past weekend, we helped him with a puppy contract. I printed it out, he signed it, I scanned it and emailed to him.

His puppy Emma arrived from Canada a few days later.

She is adorable, loving and so darn cute! I’m so thrilled for our neighbor and that I’ll get to see this cutie on a daily basis.

So why am I in a bad mood?

For one thing, the pit bull was out walking today in violation of orders of quarantining for 10 days in the house. No muzzle. She was being walked by a man who said he didn’t care about the quarantine and ended our short conversation by calling my husband a prick.

Didn’t exactly get my day going in the right direction. But then I came home to see Emma and neighbor in front of our house.

What helps you when you’re in a bad mood?

Time keeps on slipping

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July 14, 1985 in Laguna Beach. My hubby’s Aunt Ann and Uncle Luciano are next to us.

I am in disbelief that I’ve been married for 38 years. Where did the time go?

We were together for two years before marriage, so that makes it 40 years! Of course, you have to believe that I was a child bride to make this a possibility.

Thirty-eight years ago, we lived in a small apartment. Four units around a pool. My view out the kitchen window was an empty lot of dirt. No spectacular views. We’d see a shadow of the landlord walking by our drawn curtains at night, carrying a shot gun. She made her rounds each night.

We knew all our neighbors. I was asked to be a bridesmaid by the next door neighbor. She was a close friend at that time. Her fiancee left her at the altar and she eventually moved away. I haven’t seen or heard from her since.

It took us a few years to buy our first house. Then five more until we moved into the house that was home for 28 years. The first year we lived in our Palm Springs dream home, our son was born. Three years later, our daughter. Now they’re grown and we’re in Arizona — living our next adventure on our own.

It’s been a wonderful 38 years. I feel blessed.

I can’t help thinking of the song “Time Keeps on Slipping” by the Steve Miller Band.

Do you find that as you get older time goes by faster? Why do you think that is?

Why I Swim

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Palm Springs City Pool
Our old hometown pool at sunset.

I joined US Masters Swimming in 2015 after being on deck as a swim mom and parent volunteer for 14 years. It was the adult program with the team my children swam with from kindergarten through high school. My New Year’s Resolution that year — my first as an empty nester — was to join Masters and swim with a coach. It only took me until April to make good on my New Year’s resolution. But once I got in, I made slow, but steady progress.

My biggest issue with swimming is consistency. It’s something you have to do year round to get stronger. Not every day is a good day, although most of them are. The biggest challenge for me in the beginning was relaxing and getting a steady breathing pattern.

Lately my roadblock to consistency is weather. I do not like getting in or out of the pool when it’s cold. I quit for several months over the winter. Getting back into the pool this spring, I felt like I was starting over.

During the COVID years, our Palm Springs pool (above) was shut down. Then it opened to reservations for every other lane (social distancing). Our Masters team was not allowed to practice until about the time we moved to Arizona.

What I’ve discovered about swimming, rather than cheering on the sidelines, is that being in the water gives me a chance to reflect. It’s mostly a quiet time, where I get the best physical exercise, ever — plus peace and clarity in my day.

I’m still working on the breathing. When I do feel relaxed and smooth, I notice the following 10 things while I swim:

ONE

The way the water feels cool against my skin.

TWO

The bubbles my hands make entering the water.

THREE

Spirographs and kaleidoscopes of shadows and light on the bottom of the pool as the sun filters through the water.

FOUR

The shadow of the flags as I get close to the wall.

FIVE

Muffled sounds underwater. It’s like I’m listening to a foreign language.

SIX

The view of clouds, saguaro and desert when I stop to rest.

SEVEN

The slope of the pool with tiled, black lines curving to lower depths.

EIGHT

A clump of leaves that looks like a plant growing in a crack at the bottom of my lane.

NINE

Floating and swimming relaxed must be what flying would feel like.

TEN

Relief at the end of my 1,000-yards. I feel much stronger and smoother than during my first 100 yards.

As a swimmer, I appreciate with new understanding the hard work my kids and coaches have put in for years, every single day.

What activity do you enjoy that brings you peace and clarity in your day?

Early mornings

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View from before sunrise during a morning walk. I love the pastel pink and blue skies.

The summer heat is here. Today it’s supposed to be 108 degrees. We’re at an elevation of 3,000 feet — rather than near sea level at our old home in Palm Springs. That makes it seven to 10 degrees cooler here.

But after our freezing cold wet winter, my body hasn’t adjusted to hot temperatures — even though the days are under 110 degrees. When I lived the Coachella Valley for 38 years, I would say it’s not hot until it’s over 110. Now, in Arizona, after two and half years, my tolerance is 100 degrees.

Our solution? Waking up early. Alarm is set for 4:30 a.m. We’re out the door by 5 a.m with a temperature of 78 degrees. Sunrise is almost half an hour later. Our goal is a one-hour walk through our neighborhood for three miles. We’ve upped our mileage and time from a 40-minute two-mile walk. We don’t see many people out, except for an occasional neighbor walking their dog.

I am getting somewhat adjusted to the new schedule. I’m very tired in the afternoon and I want to nap. But I’m not a napper. Also, I’m afraid if I do nap, I won’t be able to fall asleep at my new bedtime!

A benefit of the new schedule is I’m finding lots of time to read. I’m done with my reading and writing blogs and rewriting my manuscript hours earlier in the day. Plenty of time to settle on the sofa with a book. I’m also getting pesky chores done that I’ve managed to put off for months — or should I say years?

Here’s a photo of sunrise around 5:25 a.m.

What are your summer temperatures like?

What do you consider a perfect temperature or too hot?

What adjustments do you make to your summer schedule, if any?