Thoughts on Hair, Swimming and Momentous Days Ahead

My son is leaving the nest, really moving away.

This is different from leaving home to attend college. It’s a whole new world of parenting to have a college graduate—finally ready to be out on his own—and move away from us. Yes, it feels weird.

He came home over the weekend for a visit and a hair cut. He decided to stop getting hair cuts more than a year ago. He said he had this one time in his life, while in college, to grow his hair long. I didn’t like it one bit, but I did not argue with him.

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Days of short hair for both my kids.

I remember hair being a big deal in the 70s when I was a kid. My brother got suspended for having his hair reach his collar. My parents fought it and finally the school relented and hair restrictions were eliminated.  A few years before that, girls couldn’t wear pants to school and jeans were against the rules for boys and girls, too! Isn’t that wild to think about?

Two weeks before my son’s commencement ceremony, he drove home to get his locks chopped off. The length of his hair after the cut is still longer than it was during his 18 years at home. However, it’s a huge improvement over the “Robert Plant” do.

After graduation, he’s packing his car and renting a U-Haul trailer if necessary. Then he’s driving north to the Bay Area to pursue his dreams. Wow. I am working hard to get my head around that. He looks healthy and happy and it’s now officially his life.

 

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My daughter and teammates at the Fran Crippen Swim Meet of Champions.

My daughter has a big weekend coming up, too. This is after a week of getting perfect grades and an acceptance into Business School at her university. Her next momentous occasion is the meet at the Irvine pool. She’s trying for her lifelong dream of making Olympic Trial cuts. She’s been close for a couple years, but close doesn’t count in swimming–it’s not horseshoes.

I’ll be a nervous wreck at the meet. I hope and pray she’ll reach her goals. But if she doesn’t, I know she’s resilient, hard working and will have more goals to swim towards.

Most of all, I’m proud of the strong self-reliant adults my children have become! It’s been an amazing privilege to be their mom.

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With our girl after SMOC. One more meet to go!

It’s All About Friends

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My daughter diving off the blocks at the Pac-12 Championships.

I spent 10 days in the Seattle area last week. I had two intentions for my trip. The first was to watch my daughter in the Pac-12 Championships. I grew up in the area, so I extended my trip to visit a few days with family and friends.

What I discovered at the meet was a bunch of new friends! As a group of parents, we really got into the team spirit. I enjoyed meeting parents for the first time, and renewing friendships with others.

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Door decorations for our girls, thanks to a creative and organized Ute parent.

We were more organized this year, my second, at conference. Parents stayed in the same hotel so we ate breakfast together and sat together in the stands. We met with pompoms and cheers to send our swimmers off for finals. Then we hung out for happy hour and got to know each other better. I was impressed that some traveled as far as New Mexico, Texas, Georgia, Finland and Norway!

A shout out to my dad, who flew up with us from So Cal to watch his grand-daughter swim. He drove from my brother’s house, an hour each day, alone to sit with us and support her. For the past 8 or so years that he moved from the Seattle area to the desert of Palm Springs, he’s been a regular fixture at all her club and high school meets. The officials had a chair saved for him in a spot no other grand parent or parent was allowed to sit. Thanks, Dad! He’s over 80 by the way. So thankful and proud to have his support.

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My dad with his swimmer Ute grandchild.

Two friends from years’ past came to cheer for our daughter. That meant so much to us that they drove an hour to support her.

Then, after the meet, I stayed with another friend from college and it was so nice to catch up and see each other. After having been roommates with my two girlfriends, we have very easy, yet deep relationships. We may let years go by without a visit, but then the moment we’re together it’s as though we haven’t been apart a day.

I was so touched by my friends on this trip. I realize how important they are to me. I pledge to be a better friend and make more of an effort to visit, stay in touch and make dates to hang out.7999f5f1e5d933c7e407214c6b04db59

I also sat back and watched my daughter as she makes life-long friendships on this team. She met up with club teammates from other Pac-12 schools, too.

Our lives are made brighter with friends.

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My daughter and teammates cheering during the 200 fly.

A few thoughts about college recruiting

Signing day.

Signing day, 2013.

Now that July 1 has passed, the magic date where coaches can start recruiting your kids for swimming, what happens next?

It’s been two years since my daughter went through that hectic, exciting, fun summer. Looking back here’s a few things to think about during recruiting season. My experience is specific to the sport of swimming for my daughter. Although my son swam, he opted out of swimming in college. He doesn’t regret it at all. So, remember, swimming in college isn’t for every kid. But if your swimmer is interested, here are my thoughts about the process. Many of these ideas will apply to other sports, too.

Make sure your swimmer replies to each call or email.

If your swimmer isn’t interested in a team, let the coach know quickly so he or she can focus energy on other swimmers.

My daughter and teammates at JOs a while back.

My daughter and teammates at JOs a while back.

If your swimmer does not hear from their dream team or some of the teams they are interested in—what do you do? I would suggest to your swimmer to send an email and tell the coach they are interested. Ask what the walk on times are, or what they are looking for. Maybe your swimmer will figure out why they haven’t been contacted.

Sometimes an email can get lost in the spam folder, or a coach may have overlooked your child. They may be happy to find out your swimmer is interested. Your swimmer has nothing to lose by writing an email.

I remember one of my daughter’s friends wanted to go to a certain PAC-12 school and she was so disappointed to not get an email or call from the team. After she did sign with a different PAC 12 university, she went through her spam folder and found an email from the coach of her dream school that she had not replied to! The good news is that she loves where she is and couldn’t be happier.

My daughter racing.

My daughter racing.

During recruiting, my daughter made a list of teams that contacted her. In each conversation with coaches, she wrote down notes of things that were important to her. She wanted to swim outside. She wanted a team with men and women. She hadn’t decided on a major yet, so that wasn’t part of her criteria, but for many swimmers it will be.

Each swimmer will have their own idea of what they’re looking for in a school and a team.

Does your swimmer want to be a big fish in a small pond? Or do they want to be pushed by faster swimmers? Do they want to be at a major university? Or a smaller private school? Are they set on D1 or D2? Don’t overlook the many amazing schools in D3, NAIA and NJCAA.

There are a lot of schools out there and swimming may open a door for your child to a school that would be more difficult to get into without their sport. My kids have friends that were accepted to great universities–John Hopkins and NYU–as swimmers. They had the grades and SATs to get in on their own. But coaches can “flag” athletes. It may be the deciding factor between your child and thousands of other great students.

My son listening to music at a meet.

My son listening to music at a meet.

There were a few schools I wanted my daughter to look at. I was so disappointed to hear my daughter tell the coach that no, she was afraid it wouldn’t be a good fit for her. But, remember, it’s your daughter or son’s college experience—not yours.

After the summer, your swimmer will decide on where to go for recruit trips. In D1, if the rules haven’t changed, they get to select up to five schools.

I’ve heard one coach say not to waste a school’s time or money if your swimmer knows they aren’t interested in a school. On the other hand, I’ve heard another coach say that it’s good to visit schools and get a feeling for the school. Your swimmer may fall in love with a program and school that they weren’t seriously considering before.

Super JOs.

Super JOs.

It also comes down to time. How hard is it to travel five weekends in the fall and miss practice and perhaps school, too? The trips may all run together in your swimmer’s mind. You may want to limit the number of recruit trips to two or three of the top choices. That’s what my daughter did.

The hard thing was when she came back and made her decision. She had to call the coaches of the schools she chose not to attend. The coaches were unbelievably gracious, professional and she would have been happy at any one of her top choices. That was a tough thing for her to do, but it was—as everything else about swimming—a learning experience and an opportunity to grow.

It may come down to a difficult decision. I remember one of my daughter’s club teammates choosing between USC, Berkeley, and Stanford. She couldn’t make a decision. I remember thinking—must be amazing to have such a choice!  She waited until Spring to sign. So, remember that’s an option too. If your swimmer hasn’t found the right school by fall, there’s another window of opportunity in the spring. Waiting until Spring may limit choices or scholarships, because rosters might be filled. It worked for my daughter’s teammate, though.

Wherever your swimmer ends up, be supportive. It’s an exciting time in your life and your swimmer’s. Be thankful they have this opportunity.

My daughter liked her green fuzzy robe better than the team parka.

My daughter liked her green fuzzy robe better than the team parka.

I Survived My Daughter’s First Year of College

My daughter's dorm at the U.

My daughter’s dorm at the U.

I can’t believe my daughter’s first year of college is over and my son is finishing his senior year! It’s been a strange year for me, being an ’empty nester,’ but a good one, too.

I’ve enjoyed having my own time to pursue my work without interruptions. I’ve made progress on several writing projects, plus I’ve established a good routine of writing, walking and swimming.

Signing day seems like yesterday!

Signing day seems like yesterday!

We loved visiting both kids this past school year. Santa Barbara is one of our favorite cities. Our son took time to spend with us, more than he has in the past three years. He even brought his girlfriend home for spring break.

Traveling for college meets was a blast. Our first dual meet was so exciting to watch! I will never forget my daughter swimming against Stanford in the 1000- and 500-yard free. I was a nervous wreck and I wondered why she had to swim such long races? It would be much easier getting through watching a 50 free than a 1000!

Last week, we drove up to Utah to move her out of her dorm room. A tiring 11-hour drive each way. I just want to know where did she get so much stuff? Did we pay for all of that? I couldn’t believe the trips we took of boxes, hanging clothes, mini-fridge, cleaning supplies, stuff and more stuff!

We moved the stuff into a house that she’s going to share with a few teammates. The landlord was kind enough to let us store her things inside, until her lease begins.

Still ahead, I have the adventure of furniture shopping with her. Yes, she’s going to need a bed, desk and a few more things. I hauled up my old pots and pans, dishes and towels for her house. After all, I have more than enough stuff in my house, too!

First, she’s home for a few days and we’ve got an action-packed schedule. Swim meet, visiting friends, vision and dental appointments, etc. I love having my kids home, but I’m also protective of my own time, too. I discovered that I enjoy my life as a mom, and also my life as an individual person, too.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the next few years are going to fly by!

Shopping at Target for the dorm freshman year.

Shopping at Target for the dorm freshman year.

One Parent Tip: Follow Your Own Advice

images-7I’ve written several articles about not focusing on your swimmer’s times.

I have a confession to make: I have been so worried about my daughter’s times this year. She was adding 30 seconds to her 1,000 and mile. And more than 15 seconds on her 500. I believe she was swimming times she had as a 13-14 year old and she’s a freshman in college!

Open Water Nats at Lake Castaic, July 2014. Photo by Anne Lepesant.

Open Water Nats at Lake Castaic, July 2014. Photo by Anne Lepesant.

Trust the coach. I have written that more than a few times. My husband and I tried to relax and not worry. But, why was she swimming so slow? I’ll admit it. I was freaking out.

The freshman year is a big adjustment. She not only had to get used to living away from home for the first time, i.e. taking care of the daily aspects of her life and school. She also had a major change in her workouts, was training at altitude, and started weight training.

At one of her last dual meets of the season, the head coach told us that Kat was doing very well. That the coaches could see the progress she was making in practice. That was reassuring to us. After all, we never watched her in practice. We only saw her in dual meets. And saw those times…

Two weeks later we were at her conference meet. It was shaved and tapered time. She got a best time in the 500 by two seconds. This was the first drop she had in that event in almost two years. Then she swam the mile and dropped a whopping 16 seconds.

But, who’s focusing on times? It’s more important that my daughter loves her teammates, her coaches, her classes and is having fun. Right?

Like I said before. Trust the coach. Don’t focus on the times.

Practice at the home pool.

Practice at the home pool.

Eight Thoughts About My First PAC-12 Champs Swim Meet

Olympic swimmers competing at the PAC 12s.

Olympic swimmer Missy Franklin competing at the PAC 12s.

1.  I couldn’t believe the conference meet was here already. What happened to my daughter’s first year of college swimming?

2.  I was surprised by how easy it was to find a seat. Coming from age group meets that are crawling with kids and parents and you have to squeeze to get a seat, it was a pleasant change. However, it did get more packed as the days passed and always at finals.

The crowd at the PAC 12s.

The stands at the PAC 12s.

3.  I still get nervous before Kat swims. Maybe it’s even worse than before. Especially at prelims. I thought I’d get over that queasy feeling, hand-shaking, palm-sweating attack. But, no I did not.

4.  I wanted to spend a little time with Kat. But, she’s on the deck with her team, and we’re up in the stands with the parents.

That's me up in the stands looking down on my daughter.

That’s me up in the stands looking down on my daughter.

5.  I have met some great swim parents on our new team. Don’t get me wrong, there are great families on our club team that I’m life long friends with. I’m thrilled to meet parents on the college team that are friendly and fun, too. I guess that’s what swimming parents are like.

6.  It’s fun to cheer at the PAC-12 conference, hold up signs, and wave pom poms. Kat would have killed me if I behaved that way at an age group meet!

7.  Now that it’s the last day of PAC-12s, I’m shocked at how fast the days went by. Do I really have to wait an entire year to experience this again?

8.  Looking down from the bleachers at my daughter, I’m amazed at how much she’s matured this year. She’s happy and comfortable with her new family, her college team. She has grown independent from us and she’s doing really, really well. I’m happy and proud, but I’m wiping a few tears from eyes, too.photo 2 (1)

How Sleep Affects Your Student’s GPA and Other Tips for Academic Success

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My daughter swimming with club teammates during break at the home pool.

My youngest child came home for one week of Christmas break. I’m sad to say, she left already for two weeks of intense swim training at school. She’s a freshman and when she was home, it felt like she had never been away. It was such a great feeling to have her go to morning practice, come back and lounge in her room watching Netflix. I think I was shocked that she had to leave again!

My son, who’s in his fourth year — notice I don’t say senior year — came home for a few days. Left to return to his part-time job. And will be back to celebrate New Year’s with us.

In the meantime, I received a letter from my daughter’s University — The Center for Student Wellness — with interesting information for parents of children of all ages.

They said in the letter that they’ve found on their campus 5 issues that affect academics:

  1. Stress
  2. Anxiety
  3. Work
  4. Sleep
  5. Cold/flu/sore throat

imgresThe letter went on to explain that while sleep is fourth on the list, sleep affects everything else on the list. I’m not quite sure how they distinguish “stress” from “anxiety”  because they seem to go hand in hand.

However, they state that lack of sleep can be mistaken for stress. It can lead to anxiety. It can make your student more susceptible to getting sick. They suggest 7 to 9 hours of sleep every night. Then your child will be in a better mood. Plus, they will score higher on tests and have a higher GPA!

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As the parent of a swimmer, my daughter gets her sleep. She has had no problem falling asleep. Ever. My son, on the other hand, can’t fall asleep. He stays up until the wee hours, and then we cannot wake him up in the morning. 

My tip for getting enough sleep is simple: Swim!

Here are the tips from the University of Utah:

  1. Go to bed around the same time every night, and wake up around the same time each morning.
  2. Have a quiet, dark space to sleep in that is not too hot or cold.
  3. Be sure to remove distractions like televisions, iPods, computers, and tablets from bedrooms. Beds shouldn’t be used for activities like reading, watching movies, or listening to music.
  4. Begin powering down lights and electronics about an hour before bed.
  5. Avoid large meals, nicotine, caffeine, and alcohol right before bed.
  6. Limit naps to 20-30 minutes a day.
  7. Engage in regular physical activity.

BINGO! There is it. Number seven. If you have a child in athletics — particularly swimming — your child will sleep. Maybe that’s why they say that swimmers have the highest GPAs of all sports? Even though they get up at the crack of dawn for practice–they’ve had a full night’s sleep.

My kids during break.

My kids during break.