Category Archives: college kids

Views from Salt Lake City

Posted on by
34

We had a great time revisiting Salt Lake City. The little big city has a special place in my heart because of my daughter’s four years living there for college. It’s filled with memories from our many visits. Plus, we saw my husband’s best friend from fourth grade through high school and his wife. We wish we had many more hours talking and laughing together! Every second was full. Our friend showed us a paper he wrote in fourth grade where he referenced my husband. Then he gave us a joint project they wrote together! Priceless!

Oh yes, Matteo’s restaurant owned by a former international student from Italy and swim teammate of my daughter’s at the “U” was amazing! The food and service was incredible. You can look at Matteo’s menu HERE. (Matteo is the handsome guy in the middle row photos that I linked for the menu.)

Here are a few views from our getaway in Salt Lake City:

No trip to Utah (in my opinion) is complete without a Freshie’s lobster roll. We’ve been to their Park City location, but now they have a Salt Lake City restaurant a mile from the hotel we stay at — the Little America. If you’re wondering how lobster rolls could be a thing in Utah, read this archived article “Utah restaurant stomps coastal competition, takes home ‘World’s Best Lobster Roll’ award.” Every bite of lobster was a major chunk from claws to hunks of tail meat. There was no sketchy filler. The roll was drizzled with warm butter, garnished with perhaps parsley in a grilled bun. Oh my!

Photo of the Little America tower I took during a morning walk. The Little America has two-story buildings surrounding the tower with garden and courtside rooms. (FYI, The Little America was founded by Stephen Mack Covey, grandfather to Stephen Covey of “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” who in turn is grandfather to Britain Covey of the Philadelphia Eagles.

An example of the two-story buildings surrounding the tower that I borrowed from their website.

View of the Wasatch mountains from our 12th floor room. The apartment buildings below did not exist last time we visited Salt Lake City.

We walked to City Creek Center from the hotel. It was about a mile away. It’s an indoor-outdoor shopping center downtown and fills two city blocks. To get from one side to another you can cross the street, or use their skybridge. (We were on a mission to get new earbuds for my husband’s iphone at the Apple Store there. A story for another day!)

View from the skybridge walking from one City Creek Center building to another. Notice the train tracks lined with yellow? That’s TRAX, the light rail system that makes getting around SLC so easy and convenient. It’s free downtown.

Our daughter said she took TRAX from campus to football games, to downtown or wherever — all free as a student. She’d swipe her student ID. How convenient would that be going to a football game at the Rice Eccles stadium that seats more than 50,000 people and is sold out for every game? Or for everyday life? We used TRAX this past weekend.

City lights from our hotel room with the pool and garden and courtside rooms below.

The view of the Grand America from our deck. That’s the grander sister hotel across the street.

Thanks for coming along for highlights of my weekend.

Where you live, do you have a light rail system like TRAX? I wish we had that in Scottsdale!

Do you have any favorite go to places where you live or visit — like Freshie’s that I visit in SLC?

Does pain and suffering build character?

Posted on by
43

The Dolphin Statue at Stearns Wharf in Santa Barbara. My friend, Joseph Bottoms’ father created this statue and a sister statue for Puerto Vallarta. I took this photo during the past weekend. Seeing the statue makes me happy.

Now to the subject at hand. Does pain and suffering create resilience?

Resilience is the ability to cope with and recover from setbacks. People who remain calm in the face of disaster have resilience.1

A resilient person is someone who has strong coping skills and is able to marshall their available resources, ask for help when needed, and find ways to manage the situation they are facing. 

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-resilience-2795059

I brought this topic up because I heard a snippet of a speech to Standford students by CEO of Nvidia. I was impressed with what he said. I even mentioned it on a comment on Victoria Ponders.

From an article from March 15, 2024 on CNBC by Tom Huddleston Jr. called “Success requires ‘ample doses of pain,’ billionaire Nvidia CEO tells Stanford students: ‘I hope suffering happens to you.’

Jensen Huang has a simple message for young people who want to achieve “greatness”: No pain, no gain.

That was essentially the Nvidia CEO’s message for students at his alma mater, Stanford University, where he spoke last week at the Stanford Institute for Economic Policy Research.

“Greatness is not intelligence. Greatness comes from character. And character isn’t formed out of smart people, it’s formed out of people who suffered,” Huang said at the event, in response to a question about how students can maximize their shot at being successful.

https://www.cnbc.com/2024/03/15/nvidia-ceo-huang-at-stanford-pain-and-suffering-breeds-success.html

Nvidia is one of the world’s most valuable companies with the high demand for their chips used in AI. Huang has been CEO of the company for three decades and has experienced ups and downs and had to lay off half of his employees at one time. He believes that the pain and suffering his company has experienced and their resilience is why they are successful today.

“People with very high expectations have very low resilience”

In the article, Huang is quoted as saying he has very low expectations but believes the students at Stanford have high expectations because of their elite education.

Often “people with very high expectations have very low resilience,” he went on, because they are not accustomed to, or prepared for, failure.

“Unfortunately, resilience matters in success,” he said. “I don’t know how to teach it to you except for I hope suffering happens to you.”

https://www.cnbc.com/2024/03/15/nvidia-ceo-huang-at-stanford-pain-and-suffering-breeds-success.html

Do you agree with the statement that people with high expectations have low resilience? Why or why not?

Do you believe resilience is formed through pain and suffering, or are some people born with it?

Another mother’s heartache

Posted on by
41

On Monday, I was celebrating fun memories of my daughter on her birthday. Then I saw a post by a mother whose daughter shared the same birthday with my daughter. Our daughters knew each other as student-athletes at the University of Utah. I didn’t know they had the same birthday until Monday. I texted my daughter if she knew. She said she did. I remember how devastated my daughter was on the day she learned of Lauren’s death.

As I was rejoicing the life of my daughter, this mother was grieving her loss. I burst into tears realizing how fortunate I am.

The other mom heard her daughter’s death happen, on the phone, while she was talking to her daughter when she was shot to death by a stalker.

“‘There but for the grace of God, go I.”

Lauren’s story is a harrowing event that made national news. The mother has worked to keep Lauren’s memory alive, plus began a foundation with the following mission:

Our Mission

Dating violence and stalking are some of the most pressing issues facing universities and colleges today. One third of all women report dating violence by a current or previous partner. University and college campuses are not trained to respond effectively to these problems. The Lauren McCluskey Foundation was founded to honor the life and spirit of Lauren Jennifer McCluskey by bringing awareness to, funding research for, and providing resources to change the culture that responds poorly to dating violence and stalking on campuses.

Our mission is to let Lauren’s light shine by supporting her passions, including animal welfare, amateur athletics, and by making campuses across the country a place where students are safe, supported, and have the ability to thrive.

https://laurenmccluskey.org/

If you’d like more information about Lauren and the Lauren McLuskey Foundation, please visit their website at https://laurenmccluskey.org/.

Here’s a story from their website that was written on the fifth anniversary of her death: Universities worldwide make ‘Lauren’s Promise’ to listen, believe, 5 years after McCluskey murder

How can I be so fortunate while this other mother is in pain?

Chit Chat Class

Posted on by
35
Red Northern Cardinal
A Cardinal visiting my BirdBuddy AI feeder. He has a beautiful voice.

Have you noticed teens or 20-somethings at restaurants, in a group, but not talking? Instead you may see them looking down at their phones.

I saw an article at the WSJ that talked about boot camps for college students to learn small talk. One professor noticed her students from Caltech weren’t getting interviews or jobs. (Caltech is a school for brilliant kids and very difficult to get into.) Other lecturers from other colleges noticed a similar trend. They decided to get involved and help teach skills that previously were taken for granted.

In the article “We Now Need College Courses to Teach Young Adults How to Make Small Talk” by Tara Weiss, she said:

Professors are teaching elementary chitchat skills to students who are woefully behind in the basics.

Everybody seems to have a theory about why many young adults have trouble with so-called soft skills, which include the art of persuasion and civil conversation. Blame smartphone addiction, Covid cocooning or helicopter parenting. Regardless of cause, a growing number of college professors in various disciplines around the U.S. are trying to keep professional chitchat from becoming a lost language.

Claire Ralph, a Caltech computer-science lecturer, said when she started at the campus in 2016 she was surprised that a fifth of her students had spent five months looking for a job—not even getting interviews. She asked to see copies of their cover letters. One began, “Hey wazzup y’all.” The student explained that “someone said a cover letter should be friendly,” Ralph recalled.

She talked about students’ communication shortcomings with colleagues. Everyone came to the same conclusion: “It was a hole people knew existed,” she said, but “didn’t know how to plug.”

https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/careers/colleges-teach-chitchat-to-shy-students-81fe9db1?mod=lifestyle_lead_pos2

I’m glad these professors are working on basic communication skills with their students. I had to go through chit chat training when I worked for a couple years with my husband at Merrill Lynch. They called it speed dating. We had different scenarios or roles to play. We lined up in two lines and had to go down the line having a few seconds to find out as much as we could about the other person across from us. There were a number of other exercises, and although they were nerve wracking, they were useful.

I remember serving on a scholarship committee for three high schools in the Palm Springs area. Along with four or five other women, we’d go through applications and have in-person interviews with our top prospects. The three high schools had different socio-economic demographics, but one stood out. That’s because somebody in the faculty told the girls how to dress, shake our hands firmly and look us in the eye. They had training that put them ahead of the kids who were left on their own. We were impressed.

What are your thoughts about chit chat class? Do you think the art of small talk is getting lost in today’s society? With just our youth or with everyone and why?

Thankful for Thanksgiving Pets

Posted on by
39

A photo of my daughter’s pug who was used in social media marketing for her college swim team. The swimmers on the sports marketing team posed Waffles around the pool wearing goggles, on the blocks and lifeguard stand.

As I think about Thanksgiving, it dawned on me that our last two pets, Olive and Waffles, were adopted Thanksgiving weekend. What a joy they’ve brought to our family.

My son left for college in 2011 and my daughter and I visited the animal shelter in Palm Springs looking at kittens. It was right before Thanksgiving that Olive came home with us. Because my son is allergic to cats we waited until he moved away to college to adopt Olive. We kept Olive hidden in our daughter’s bedroom for the four-day weekend and didn’t think my son would have any reaction from his room down the hall.

Olive’s baby picture taken around Thanksgiving.

Everything went smoothly. I cooked dinner for my kids, husband and dad. I remember a wonderful weekend spending time with family walking downtown and playing in the park.

Then my son called to let me know he was back at school safely. While we talked on the phone, the kitty snuck out the door into the backyard.

“Quick, get the kitty!” I yelled to my daughter.

“WHAT?!” my son said. “I knew it! I knew there was a cat in the house. I had allergies all weekend.”

Today, he can visit our home in Arizona with Olive inside, and doesn’t seem to suffer. I’ve installed an air filter in the casita and the new house doesn’t have the same issues as our 1930s Palm Springs house did for allergies like mold and a grassy back yard.

Then came Waffles. It was my husband’s idea to adopt Waffles as a companion dog for our daughter. She came home from college for Thanksgiving weekend, along with our son, and met Waffles for the first time.

My kids and Waffles

I cooked for our family, my college roommate, who was visiting from Seattle with her mom and brother. Plus a former coworker of mine — and dad of course. Waffles was a hit with everyone — except Olive. I remember my college roommate’s brother thanking me over and over for a home-cooked Thanksgiving. They had planned to eat in their hotel restaurant.

Waffles was beyond cute and so tiny!

Pretty kitty Olive as a grown up.

Waffles as a middle-aged man, snaggle teeth and gray hairs.

Have a happy Thanksgiving with family, friends and your furry friends.

What is it about Thanksgiving and adopting our pets? I’m thinking our prior two, Sherman and Angus joined us in the fall as well.

A simple pleasure

Posted on by
17
mother daughter sailing
Sailing in Santa Barbara with my daughter on a friend’s boat.

Yesterday I got a pedicure. I last got one during our beach vacation in August. My daughter and I used to get pedicures together. It was a ritual that we loved, sitting side by side getting pampered. I’d read a book, she was on her phone. Although we weren’t talking much, I look back on those memories with tenderness.

Even when she went to college, we’d make time for pedicures when she’d be home for vacation. Or, if I was visiting her for a swim meet, we’d get pedicures together.

Then the pandemic hit and the nail salon by our house closed. Since I moved away, I’m not sure if it ever reopened. So many small businesses closed forever. I’ve had two pedicures since COVID hit.

Yesterday was a treat to be pampered. But it was bittersweet. I missed my daughter sitting by my side.

Do you have any simple pleasures with your loved ones? What do you like to do together?

10 Things Kids Need to Know Before College

Posted on by
1

After my son left for college, I realized that I had failed big time in teaching life skills. Yes, he had good grades. Yes, he had the right “stuff.” But he was seriously lacking in the basics. I spent time teaching my daughter these skills before it was her turn to leave. She was better prepared for the daily tasks–although that doesn’t necessarily mean life won’t throw you some bumps in the road.

Sheltering in place with our children offers a unique opportunity to look at all the little stuff we can teach them while they’re home. Giving them more responsibility around the home will pay off when they’re away. Here’s a story I wrote several years ago about the consequences of NOT preparing your kids for life:

 

valedictorian giving speech

My son giving his high school Valedictorian speech.

“He tried college a couple times. It just didn’t take,” a dad of one of my son’s friends told me last night at the grocery store.

Next, I got a call from a close friend, whose happy-go-lucky daughter checked herself into a campus hospital, because she felt so overwhelmed and out of control.

Another friend told me their son quit after one semester after too much partying and not enough studying. Yet another mom left on a rescue mission to help a child in need.

What the heck is going on with our kids and college? My own son struggled to find his way his freshman year.  

All of these parents, myself included, believed college was the best and only choice for their kids.imgres-1

Maybe college isn’t for everyone? Maybe we did too much for them? Maybe we didn’t let them fail often or enough?

I’ll talk more about why kids are struggling in college on another day. And if we have an epidemic on our hands.

But, first, I want to share basic things kids need to know before they leave for college. I was often surprised at questions my son would ask me during his first year at college. I’m going to make sure my second child checks off every item on my “top 10 things kids need to know before going to college” list.

  1. Banking skills. Know how to write a check, make a deposit face-to-face with a teller, fill out a deposit slip, and use an ATM card for deposits and withdrawals. Balancing a check-book falls under the banking list.
  2. Laundry. Have your kids do their own laundry so they know how to sort white and colors, hand-wash, hang dry, and fold–and what it feels like to be out of clean clothes. The clean underwear does not appear by magic! imgres-5
  3. Cooking. Teach your child some basic cooking skills like scrambling eggs, making spaghetti, baking a chicken, steaming vegetables and cooking rice. 
  4. Grocery shopping. Just like clean underwear, the food in the fridge doesn’t appear out of thin air. Teach how to make a list, look for coupons, find sale items, and learn how to read unit pricing on shelves.imgres-6
  5. How to get to and from the grocery store. This may seem obvious, but I’ll never forget the phone call I got from Robert: “Mom. I’m at Costco and how do I get home with cases of water, yogurt, and Top Ramen on my bike?”  Hmmm. Good question.
  6. Budgeting. If your child hasn’t worked at a job and you provide their basic necessities, they lack budgeting skills. My son got his first paycheck working a summer retail job. The check was for $175. He bought his girlfriend a dress for $110 and spent the rest on dinner for the two of them. Very romantic, but not practical when he needed to eat the next week and month.
  7. Theft. At college, thieves are everywhere. My first week of college, I hand-washed some sweaters and hung them out to dry in the bathroom. Within minutes — gone. I had a bike stolen from my sorority storage room — and a locked bike stolen when I used a restroom during a ride around Green Lake. My son’s laptop was stolen when he left it in a study area in his dorm. Make sure they have “find my laptop” activated and never leave anything unattended! Don’t use a chain or cable lock for your bike — use a solid bar type. 
  8. Professors. They set aside office hours and only one or two students bother to stop by per semester. They are thrilled to help and meet students face-to-face. This can help for future referrals, references, internships — and grades. Have your kid meet with each professor at least once, every semester. It can’t hurt!images-2
  9. Cars. Basic things like checking tire pressure, oil and water levels, changing tires and pumping gas. Maybe they won’t have a car right away, but at some point they will and car maintenance is not an instinct. It’s a learned skill.
  10. Learn to say no! College means hanging out with friends, listening to music, parties, dances, rallies, job opportunities, football games, intramural sports, going out to eat, etc. Studying is priority number one. Learning to say no will help your kid stay focused.

college grad and pug with mortar boards

My daughter with Waffles preparing for college graduation.

What other essential life skills would you add to the list?