Why is My Daughter So Annoyed With Me All the Time?

My daughter came home for Christmas break an hour ago and I’m so excited to spend time with her. Here’s a story I wrote two-and-a-half years ago about our relationship. I’m optimistic that I won’t annoy her so much during this time together.

My kids not wanting me to take their pic.

I understand how she feels. After all, I was once 19 years old. I remember it very clearly.

Everything my mom did, I found unbelievably annoying.

I’ll never forget sitting with her in the car, getting ready to shop at Bellevue Square. She had parked the car. She was fumbling through her purse, making sure she had what she needed. She reapplied her lipstick. Dug through her purse for her wallet to look through credit cards. Searched several times to check where she placed the keys.

Mom and me in the early 90s.

Would we never leave the car? Would I be stuck all day? I must have said something to her quite snippy, or flat out mean. A few tears rolled down her cheeks. Which made me more upset with her.

Isn’t it a sad feeling, transitioning from a mom who could do no wrong—from changing diapers, to cooking their favorite spaghetti, to taping treasured colorings on the fridge that were made just for you—to being the person of their abject disdain?

It’s a tough new role. Let me tell you.

But, having gone through these feelings myself, I understand. I’m visiting my mom this week in her assisted living center. I talked about it with her, what I’m going through now, and what I felt like when I was 19. Fortunately, she doesn’t remember me ever being a snarky 19-year-old.

For some reason, I’ve gained more patience throughout my life and that has been a blessing. I’ve also learned forgiveness.

19 years ago.

Something else, I’ve learned through the years of parenting: this too shall pass.

It’s called independence and freedom. We want our children to grow and become separate human beings that can stand on their own. Sometimes they need to separate from us. A good time to do that is during their senior year of high school, or their freshman year of college. It’s a good thing. I keep telling myself that.

However, we also want to be treated with respect, and once again—someday—to be cherished.

A beach day with my daughter.

I wrote more about separating from our kids and the experiences we go through when they leave for college here.


Do you remember being annoyed with your mother when you were young? What did she do that you found so annoying?


5 thoughts on “Why is My Daughter So Annoyed With Me All the Time?

  1. I am really trying to add comments here, and if I’m on your site, the *#! ads keep me from doing so, and limit my ability to read your post. Very frustrating.

    On the mother/daughter thing, 2 comments. I recall my sister telling me as her girls reached their early teens, that while she had always wanted to be the “cool” mom who all the kids felt comfortable with, she realized for her girls, at that age, cool was defined as “not Mom”. Now, with both her girls in their early 30’s, its a much easier relationship. It did improve.
    From my own experience, as a daughter, there was that young woman’s need for distance, independence, having a sense of oneself outside of the family. Its one of the big losses in my life that my Mom died when I was 32, about a year after I had moved back to Colorado. I really regret not getting to know her as an adult, freed from all that late adolescent angst.

    • I’m so sorry that you lost your mom at such a young age. The relationships do get better with time as the children mature into adults and they appreciate their parents. I’m sorry the ads are getting in your way. Obviously that is not the objective. Thank you for letting me know.

      • Of course not on the ads, I don’t know what it is, but it seems if there is a video in the ad, it has the ability to hijack the viewer. It leads me to unsubscribe on occasion, although now that I found if I read it on the WP site and not yours, that’s a workable option. Strange things.

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