I understand how she feels. After all, I was once 19 years old. I remember it very clearly.
Everything my mom did, I found unbelievably annoying.
I’ll never forget sitting with her in the car, getting ready to shop at Bellevue Square. She had parked the car. She was fumbling through her purse, making sure she had what she needed. She reapplied her lipstick. Dug through her purse for her wallet to look through credit cards. Searched several times to check where she placed the keys.
Would we never leave the car? Would I be stuck all day? I must have said something to her quite snippy, or flat out mean. A few tears rolled down her cheeks. Which made me more upset with her.
Isn’t it a sad feeling, transitioning from a mom who could do no wrong—from changing diapers, to cooking their favorite spaghetti, to taping treasured colorings on the fridge that were made just for you—to being the person of their abject disdain?
It’s a tough new role. Let me tell you.
But, having gone through these feelings myself, I understand. I’m visiting my mom this week in her assisted living center. I talked about it with her, what I’m going through now, and what I felt like when I was 19. Fortunately, she doesn’t remember me ever being a snarky 19-year-old.
For some reason, I’ve gained more patience throughout my life and that has been a blessing. I’ve also learned forgiveness.
Something else, I’ve learned through the years of parenting: this too shall pass.
It’s called independence and freedom. We want our children to grow and become separate human beings that can stand on their own. Sometimes they need to separate from us. A good time to do that is during their senior year of high school, or their freshman year of college. It’s a good thing. I keep telling myself that.
However, we also want to be treated with respect, and once again—someday—to be cherished.
I wrote more about separating from our kids and the experiences we go through when they leave for college here.
I understand exactly what you are saying I’m 16 but my situation is a little different. I don’t disrespect my mother but, when im at home i try to stay away from her. The stuff she says brings me down sometimes and for me to keep my mind at peace to keep pushing forward I can’t have so much negativity in my space. Like yesterday I spent the entire day reading and writing books and she said that my books we’re dumb. The simple fact that she has not read none of my books had made me so upset. I wrote her a poem and wrapped it up tightly and gave it to her within the next few hours it was on the floor tattered. Then she gets upset when I don’t help her work on her glasses anymore. I got fed up it was the fourth time she disrespected my writing. I was trying to help make her dreams come true but she stepped on mine so yes I’m hurt. Even more hurt that I have to reside in my bedroom to keep from getting another headache.
I hope your relationship with your mom improves. Thank you for sharing. I don’t do well with negativity either.
Thank you and I bet your a awesome mom your kids love you. As kids we are going to always look at our parents different until we have to actually encounter what you have already. Trust me if you did everything you could to get them prepared you won’t have to worry because you did your job but, your job as a mother never ends just the raising part. We can be rebels but no matter what my mom has done I forgive because I have to honor my parents. Lets see how i come up.