The Harris Hawks are feeling right at home in our yard. This was the second day of them hanging out. I wrote about hawks on Wednesday, HERE. This guy is looking mighty plump.
Next week is Thanksgiving. I have mixed emotions about the holiday. I do like getting together with family or friends. I enjoy cooking the meal and having a bounty of leftovers. I enjoy the compliments my Thanksgiving meal gets. It’s satisfying.
But the dark side of Thanksgiving awaits.
Thanksgiving 2021 our dear friend passed away.
Decades earlier: When I was unmarried, living in Seattle, a recent college graduate, this friend (who also lived in Seattle) introduced me to my husband. My husband was visiting for Seafair, which is a summer festival highlighted by hydro races and a Blue Angels show.
As they say, the rest is history.
Eventually our friend left Seattle, sold all his property (real estate was his business) and moved to Arizona. He turned his Seattle real estate into an even greater empire in the Scottsdale/Phoenix area. Prices were way more affordable. Taxes were much better and the business environment was exciting to him.
We would visit our friend in Scottsdale a mile or two from where we now live. We would drive for the weekend from Palm Springs and stay in his casita. My husband was convinced that when he retired, Arizona was the place to be. We’d say good-bye to the high cost of living and taxes of California and embrace Arizona life.
COVID hit and my husband worked remotely. Home prices were skyrocketing in Palm Springs because people wanted out of apartments in San Francisco and LA. They wanted space, a yard, pool and our prices were much lower. We had a new next door neighbor who moved in from SF with his mom sight unseen and called the home his “COVID” home. He was worried about his elderly mom’s health.
My husband decided that it was time to make our move. Especially since he was working from home. I wasn’t sold on it, but told our kids that I was going to ask for a ridiculous price for our home that nobody would consider. That was my secret plan to stay in my dream home. Our house of almost 30 years sold in four hours with offers above asking. So much for that.
So we moved to Arizona close to our friend. He was our first and only friend in the state. We had been friends for close to 40 years. He loved to grill steaks for us. We had him over to our house for dinner. We watched football together and went out to great sushi restaurants. My husband would help him with his properties on weekends, schlepping refrigerators into apartments, or other DIY stuff. Like I said, that was his business. He appreciated my husband’s help.
He introduced us to his entourage, his brother and wife who also moved from Seattle to Arizona. Then another couple who will be retiring from Seattle to Scottsdale in a few years.
A few weeks before Thanksgiving 2021, he was hospitalized. He had a cough and was having trouble breathing. He was put on a ventilator after a week. He’d call my husband to bring him things from his home, like his razor and a pillow. The hospital tested him eight times for COVID — all negative.
Thanksgiving night, 2021 we had our friends who moved from Palm Springs over for dinner. My husband told them that he was worried about our friend, who was finally diagnosed with Valley Fever. Thinking it was COVID, the hospital had treated him the entire time with antibiotics, which is the wrong thing to do to a fungus like Valley Fever. Antibiotics allowed the fungus to grow unchecked.
The harsh words from our dinner guest, who retired from running the ER in Palm Springs said, “He’s not going to make it.”
He died a few hours later.
What holiday that is supposed to be joyous has dark undertones for you?
He sounds like a good friend. I am glad you were able to spend time together. Your husband was a good friend to him, also helping with his properties. Remember the good times and enjoy your day. That is all we can do when loved ones pass. Move forward with the present.
You are so right. Instead of being sad we can use Thanksgiving to remember our friendship.
I’m so sorry. Such a tragedy of misdiagnosis.
While I’ve never had a holiday turn dark personally, my father lost his 21 year old brother to a car accident on Christmas Eve which always made it a sad day.
Thank you. Yes, hospitals were so focused on COVID at the time that they didn’t find the correct diagnosis in time. How sad for your father to lose his brother in a car accident on Christmas Eve.
Such a tragic story EA- I am so very sorry for the loss of such an important friend. As they say, Thanksgiving must be bittersweet for your family with those memories each year.
Thank you Deb. Yes, Thanksgiving will be bittersweet. I think we need to use the holiday to reflect on our friendship and be thankful for it.
Oh, such a sad touching story, told so well by you. He sounds like a such a great friend, both at the beginning and then helping your move to Arizona. So sorry for your loss EA. It can’t take away the loss, but glad that you have such great memories.
Thank you, Brian. My husband wondered what he was going to do here after he died. The friend’s “entourage” wondered if they wanted to live in Arizona anymore. We get together with them a few times a year and remember our friend.
I’m sorry about your friend. I always pray when I hear sirens, but especially when I hear them on holidays- thinking about how tragedy could alter what should be a joyful day for years and years to come. As much as I anticipate heaven, I’d rather not go on a holiday and do that to my family. If there is a silver lining, I think it might be that when a loved one passes on a holiday, it is already naturally built in that the friends and family are together as they remember and can be of comfort to each other.
Thank you. Yes, having someone close to us pass on a holiday does have its silver lining. We can reflect with friends and family and be thankful for our friendship.
A sad story, but your recounting of it shows how much you loved this man. Life takes some odd turns.
What holiday that is supposed to be joyous has dark undertones for you? Just about all of them, truth be told, except Halloween!
Thank you. Life does take some odd turns. I’m sorry holidays do have dark undertones. I’ve read that they can be difficult for a lot of people.
I’m so sorry for your loss, E.A., and for how it’s tarnished the holiday a bit. That’s so tragic, though hopefully an annual reminder to express gratitude for the people close to you.
It truly shocks me how few AZ doctors are familiar with Valley Fever, especially with how rapidly cases are increasing! It took me three weeks of severely declining health, six hospitalizations and four rounds of antibiotics before I was correctly diagnosed back in 2015. I wish there was more awareness–I’ve heard of many, many similar delayed diagnoses.
Thank you. I’m sorry you went through that with Valley Fever. I read an article yesterday that cases are way up this year. They suggested that if you have symptoms, ask for a blood test to determine if it’s Valley Fever. I’m sure our friend got it working on his many properties. He’d get in crawl spaces, under homes, work in the dirt, etc.
That makes sense! I wasn’t even doing anything active or outdoors around the time I got sick, so they said it could just be leaf blowers. Yes, I wish more people were aware so they can advocate for themselves if their doctors don’t. VF has been on the rise year-after-year, and it really can hit some people hard.
I really think the focus on COVID hurt him. That’s the diagnosis everyone was looking for.
Oh, I’m so sorry Elizabeth! What a treasure of a friendship over many years and locations. I can understand why you feel the loss.
When my dad died, a friend suggested burning a Yarzheit candle. It’s a Jewish tradition to burn a candle for 24 hours to bring your loved one close. I wonder if having a candle like that might bring him to your Thanksgiving celebration.
Thank you, Wynne. I have never heard of that tradition of a Yarzheit candle. I will ask my Jewish friends about it and try it on Thanksgiving.
A wrong diagnosis is the difference between life and death sometimes. I’m sorry that thanksgiving is associated with this sad news in your mind. I hope this year it’s a joyous occasion for you all
Thank you. It has tainted Thanksgiving for us. But we carry on.
Take care dear friend
🙏
A hawk? Most of us just settle for turkey. Leave it up to you to think outside the box.
The hawk got away. We’ll settle for turkey again.