Tag Archives: family

Today is the day

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A painting of our son’s girlfriend Catherine (Buff) by Jamie Stoneman, her friend and art major.

Our future daughter-in-law Buff is having surgery today. I’m asking for prayers for a successful surgery for stage three colon cancer, without complications.

Buff is an amazing person and a beautiful poet who has been published in numerous literary and poetry publications. We love her like our own daughter.

Here’s one of her poems:


Coal Oil Point
Tonight the sky with its plummy texture
Is especially dear to me, and the small purple
Flowers shuddering in the sand.
Tonight the wind curls soft and salty against
My bare arms with that strange lively mourning.
You let me look at you and understand that
Nobody has ever had eyes like yours, fringed with
Red-gold lashes, and nobody will again.
I look up at the stars and pity them:
The more they burn the faster they die.
How I burn makes me live beyond myself.
Catherine Simpson is a cellist who lives in Berkeley. She has been previously published in Big River Poetry Review, Right Hand Pointing, Spectrum, Step Away Magazine, Into the Teeth of the Wind, Poydras Review, and Splash of Red.
This work is Copyright © 2013, and owned by Catherine Simpson and may not be distributed or reprinted in any form whatsoever without written permission from the author.

Thank you for your positive thoughts, prayers and love sent to Buff, our son and family.

UPDATE: Surgery was a success! Buff is recovering. She didn’t lose any other organs and it was the best case scenario. Now on to healing.

What kind of “vert” are you?

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brother with two sisters
My Mom, her older brother and my aunt who is 11 or so years younger.

When my family got together to share memories of Mom — while feasting on her favorite dinner of prime rib and popovers that my brother prepared — my aunt (pictured above with Mom) shared several stories. I wrote about the red square contest HERE.

My mom had a funny sense of humor. Even in her later days. When I’d drive her for our favorite sushi lunch, if someone was crossing the street, she’ tell me’d say “Hit her. She’s worth three points.”

Mom’s dad died from stomach cancer at a very young age. My mom was possibly a freshman in college? With her little sister 11 or 12 years younger, my aunt didn’t remember much about her dad. She asked Mom, “What was Dad like? Was he an introvert? Or an extrovert?”

My mom thought for a bit and said, “He was just a regular vert.”

That reminded me of several comments I’ve seen on blogs lately, including my own. We identify as introverts and extroverts.

But are we really one or the other? Is there a combination? Are we introverts more extroverted with people we’re comfortable with? Or is that true for everyone?

What kind of “vert” are you?

Apprehension alert

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road to our property in Washington state
The private road to our property in Washington.

The time has come. I’m traveling to Washington state to be with family and celebrate my mom’s life. She passed away from asymptomatic COVID on New Year’s Day.

My brother and I were grieving badly along with our aunt, Mom’s little sister, and we decided to wait until her birthday to spread her ashes and to be together to celebrate her life. I thought a little time would help me face the loss. I don’t know if it made it better or worse.

The trip has been hanging over my head since the first week of January. Now that it’s here, I’m feeling waves of grief and untapped emotion.

The photos are from property that has been in the family for three generations. This is where we’ll say good-bye to mom.

Property in WA
Our property on the Stilaguamish River.
Mom fishing in the river.
Mom trout fishing in the river when I was up for a visit from California years ago.

The mother-daughter relationship revisited

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My kids not wanting me to take their pic.
My kids not wanting me to take their pic.

I wrote this years ago, when I was visiting my mom in assisted living near Seattle. I am reposting this in her memory. We lost her Jan. 1, 2023.

Why is my daughter so annoyed with me?

I understand how she feels. After all, I was once 19 years old. I remember it very clearly.

When I was that age, everything my mom did, I found unbelievably annoying.

I’ll never forget sitting with her in the car, getting ready to shop at Bellevue Square. She had parked the car. She was fumbling through her purse, making sure she had what she needed. She reapplied her lipstick. Dug through her purse for her wallet to look through credit cards. Searched several times to check where she placed the keys.

Would we never leave the car? Would I be stuck all day? I must have said something to her quite snippy or flat-out mean. A few tears rolled down her cheeks. Which made me more upset with her.

Isn’t it a sad feeling, transitioning from a mom who could do no wrong—from changing diapers, to cooking their favorite spaghetti, to taping treasured colorings on the fridge that were made just for you—to being the person of their abject disdain?

It’s a tough new role. Let me tell you.

But, having gone through these feelings myself, I understand. I’m visiting my mom this week in her assisted living center. I talked about it with her, what I’m going through now, and what I felt like when I was 19. Fortunately, she doesn’t remember me ever being a snarky 19-year-old.

For some reason, I’ve gained more patience throughout my life and that has been a blessing. I’ve also learned forgiveness.

Something else I’ve learned through years of parenting — this too shall pass.

It’s called independence and freedom. We want our children to grow and become separate human beings who can stand on their own. They need to separate from us. A good time to do that is during their senior year of high school, or their freshman year of college. They need to. I keep telling myself that.

However, we also want to be treated with respect, and once again—someday—to be cherished.

Mother and daughter selfie
Selfie with mom on a recent visit to Pike Place Market.

Have your children been annoyed with you? Do you remember being annoyed with your parents? What were the reasons why?

Merry Christmas from the Christmas Crew

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Christmas Crew in Santa Barbara
This photo is from last year’s Christmas in Santa Barbara.

This afternoon we check into our Palm Springs VRBO to celebrate Christmas with our two kids and our son’s girlfriend’s family. Also, my dad who is turning 91 in a few weeks lives close by. We’re going to be a smaller group this year due to two sisters in Europe and the mother not well enough to make the trip from the Bay Area. One daughter is staying home with her. All in all, with those not coming, we’re down five people. So our party of 12 is now seven.

Merry Christmas!

Who are you spending Christmas or Hanukkah with this year?

Conflicted about Christmas

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Christmas in Palm Sprigs
Christmas decorations in our Palm Springs home.

In a couple days, we’ll be leaving to have Christmas with my kids, dad and our son’s girlfriend’s family. Our kids suggested Palm Springs, where we moved from exactly two years ago this week. Last year we gathered in Santa Barbara, which was a fun — if not rainy and cold adventure.

I’m conflicted over Palm Springs. After leaving, I don’t have a strong desire to return. I don’t know if it’s an emotional response. If it brings up too many memories. If I miss it, or if I don’t miss it. It makes me feel things I don’t want to feel.

For the kids, who never wanted us to move from Palm Springs, my husband agreed to rent an Airbnb a few blocks from our old home. It’s all for them, not us.

What I’m looking foward to:

Seeing our big extended family.

Walking around my old park.

Swimming in my former city pool.

Going to my old favorite restaurants for a taste of Mexican food and Italian. We haven’t found any good spots here.

Do you think it’s true that you can never go home again? Why or why not?

Wreath on our old wooden gate
The wreath I made on our gates at the Palm Springs house which was built in 1937.

Busy days ahead

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Waffles the pug

This photo is from this date in 2016. We bought this little guy Waffles for our daughter. She took him home after Christmas break. I picked out his ugly sweater.

Back home after a long weekend in Mexico, I’m feeling overwhelmed. After our morning walk my husband said he wanted to sit down and go over our calendar.

“I have to sit down and write my to do list,” I insisted. “I have so much stuff running through my head I have to write it out.”

My list keeps growing and growing. On my list is writing and addressing Holiday cards for my husband’s business, including packaging and mailing out Frangos. That’s the big project. Then there’s dozens of small one off items to do.

I love going out of town to relax, but why does it seem like I have so much to do — before we leave — and after we get home?

Do you find that too? Or are you able to stay calm and steady around days of vacation?

Family Christmas photo in Palm Springs

Our Christmas crew a few years ago at our Palm Springs home. We’re a family of four and our son’s girlfriend’s family has seven siblings — plus Waffles the pug. We’ll be together again this Christmas week.