Millennials are having trouble “adulting” because of us—their helicopter parents. My daughter scolded me this morning, “You are totally a helicopter parent, you do realize that?”
I corrected her and explained that in some ways I was—and I meant that in the past tense. I’ve worked hard to NOT helicopter. I’m well aware of the mistakes I’ve made and I’ve tried to let go of my bad helicopter tendencies. The stakes are too high if you want to raise independent adults.
There are several articles today about what happens when parents helicopter over their children’s every move—from unruly kids in the classroom to anxious, young adults who lack “adulting” skills, have messy apartments and have trouble at work.
In 11 Signs You Had Helicopter Parents & It’s Still Affecting You Today you’ll read about 11 problems helicopter parents have inflicted on their kids.
“While it’s totally possible to escape from a less-than-ideal parenting situation unscathed, the way you were raised almost always affects, to some degree, how you feel and act as an adult. This is especially true if you grew up with helicopter parents. You know, the kind who were way too hands on. If yours “hovered” and coddled you 24/7, it may be showing up in the form of self-esteem issues and stunted “adulting” skills, among other things.
“Now, I’m not saying your parents didn’t have the best of intentions. Or that they should have let you do whatever you wanted. But that doesn’t mean their approach didn’t hold you back from becoming a bonafide adult. “A helicopter parent is a parent who is overly involved in the basic day-to-day aspects of their children’s lives,” Dr. Sanam Hafeed, PsyD, a NYC-based licensed clinical neuropsychologist, tells Bustle. “This may hurt kids as they grow up because they may not trust their intuition when meeting others … They [also] often have arrested development and lower emotional consciousness.”
In a separate article that’s being published widely about “JUST SAY NO,” an expert warns that “parents who pander to their kids are damaging them for real life.”
The “wild and unruly” children that primary school teachers have to deal with are often the progeny of their parents, according to Dr. Amanda Gummer.
The “wild and unruly” children that primary school teachers have to deal with are often the progeny of their parents, according to Dr. Amanda Gummer, a research psychologist specialising in child development.
Writing for the Daily Mail she said: “Wild, unruly children are increasingly likely to be the progeny of so-called ‘helicopter’ parents.
“They are ruthlessly ambitious for their child’s future — failing to realise how badly their mollycoddling is preparing them for the compromises of real life.”
It seems that overbearing parents who try to save their kids from any unhappiness or failure are instead guaranteeing the opposite–their kids are destined to feel like failures throughout their adulthood. With our best intentions to keep our kids happy and have them succeed we are hindering their self-reliance and ability to deal with the ups and downs in this thing called life.
Do you know any helicopter parents? What specific examples can you describe of their helicoptering behavior?