Category Archives: children

What I miss about my daughter

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I wrote this when we dropped our daughter off at college several years ago. Now that she’s living in the adult world — I still miss these things about her. We were lucky to have her sheltering in place with us for a couple of months. That was one of the good things that happened in 2020 — not COVID-19 and being locked down — but getting the chance to spend time together.  

excited child at the beach
Kat at Carpinteria State Beach

We took our daughter to college two weeks ago. She looks really happy in the photos posted on FB and Instagram. She’s made new friends, is enjoying her team and coaches — and likes her classes.

My life is busy with new and old projects. But, I notice a quiet, a sort of waiting sense, that I didn’t feel before. It’s the little things about her that I miss.

close up of swimmer swimming butterfly
Kat swimming

I miss her cracking my back. She would give me a hug, tell me to relax and say, “One, two..” and lift me up in the air before she said three. The result was cracking, popping relief.

I miss her making me laugh. Kat is funny. I love her little half smile when she knows she’s especially clever. And the crinkles around her eyes when she laughs out loud.

I miss her cleaning out my wallet and organizing it for me. She’d say, “Mom your purse is a gateway to hoarding.”

I miss her walking through the kitchen door after her morning workout asking me to make her eggs. I don’t have anyone to make eggs for right now — except my husband and me — and we rarely eat them.

I miss her cat Olive walking on the skinny end of her four poster bed while she watched Netflix on my laptop.

precious baby kitten
Baby Olive

I miss when she was very young and called yellow “lallo.”  And when we’d go to the beach and she’d strip naked as soon as her suit got wet. I used to bring a bag full of swimsuits for her.

Kat in a dry suit at the beach with big brother Robert.
Kat in a dry suit at the beach with big brother Robert.

I miss going to the pool and watching practice, chatting with the other swim parents. That was a luxury that I took for granted.

Yes, I miss her and I hope she knows how much I love her.

Kat making an entrance into the room.
Kat making an entrance into the room.

What are the little things you miss the most about your kids who have left home — or friends you no longer see very often?

Who isn’t tech savvy?

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Bondi Blue iMac.
The first iMac we bought for our kids in Bondi Blue.

My kids grew up with iMacs. Apple is the only type of computer I’ve ever owned. I was talking to my son and I was telling him about last week when my husband didn’t know how to take a screen shot and asked me for help with basic tasks.

My kids are millennials — born in the years from 1981 to 1996 — my daughter being born at the tail end.

My son said that not only are boomers (referring to me and my husband) not great with computers, zoomers are also inept.

What’s a zoomer? It’s a new term I learned from my son for Gen Z. They were born in the mid-to-late 1990s up until early 2010s. (Technically my daughter could be a millennial or a zoomer.)

Case in point, my son said his wife’s youngest sibling (yes they are married!) is a zoomer. He graduated college in June. My son asked him to get a workout spreadsheet from his laptop.

“How?”

“It’s on the desktop in a folder,” my son explained.

“Where’s the desktop? What’s a folder?” was the zoomer’s reply.

Wouldn’t you think that young people who literally grew up with technology would know how to use computers? According to my son, zoomers are used to doing everything on phones — which work entirely different than laptops or desktops.

I googled it and discovered this to be true.

What’s your experience with zoomers and computers? Do you find it strange that zoomers are not as computer literate as the generation before them?

Why is my daughter so annoyed with me?

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My kids not wanting me to take their pic.
My kids not wanting me to take their pic.

I wrote this when my daughter was 19. It’s my most read post. I am currently going through similar feelings with my daughter being annoyed with me. Maybe it’s the stress we’re all going through.

I understand how she feels. After all, I was once 19 years old. I remember it very clearly.

Everything my mom did, I found unbelievably annoying.

I’ll never forget sitting with her in the car, getting ready to shop at Bellevue Square. She had parked the car. She was fumbling through her purse, making sure she had what she needed. She reapplied her lipstick. Dug through her purse for her wallet to look through credit cards. Searched several times to check where she placed the keys.

Mom and me in the early 90s.
Mom and me in the early 90s. I lost her to COVID in January this year.

Would we never leave the car? Would I be stuck all day? I must have said something to her quite snippy, or flat out mean. A few tears rolled down her cheeks. Which made me more upset with her.

Isn’t it a sad feeling, transitioning from a mom who could do no wrong—from changing diapers, to cooking their favorite spaghetti, to taping treasured colorings on the fridge that were made just for you—to being the person of their abject disdain?

It’s a tough new role. Let me tell you.

But, having gone through these feelings myself, I understand. I’m visiting my mom this week in her assisted living center. I talked about it with her, what I’m going through now, and what I felt like when I was 19. Fortunately, she doesn’t remember me ever being a snarky 19-year-old.

For some reason, I’ve gained more patience throughout my life and that has been a blessing. I’ve also learned forgiveness.

My baby girl years ago.

Something else, I’ve learned through the years of parenting: this too shall pass.

It’s called independence and freedom. We want our children to grow and become separate human beings that can stand on their own. Sometimes they need to separate from us. A good time to do that is during their senior year of high school, or their freshman year of college. It’s a good thing. I keep telling myself that.

However, we also want to be treated with respect, and once again—someday—to be cherished.

A beach day with my daughter.
A beach day with my daughter.

I wrote more about separating from our kids and the experiences we go through when they leave for college HERE.

What are your thoughts about adult kids being annoyed with you? Is it deserved or is it growing pains?

Do you think when people close to us are going through rough times, it’s easy for them to take it out on those closest to them?

Life as a worrywart

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A view of a cactus in bloom in a pot in our back yard.

I am a worrier. And lately, I have been overcome with worry. Not only because of my future daughter-in-law’s cancer diagnoses — that’s the big thing — but there’s also other things in my life that my worrying spills into.

What I have discovered is the anticipation or not knowing gets my anxiety into high gear.

Then when the “thing” is known — or it actually happens — I am in shock. I can feel my entire body shake, including my hands and even my spine. I spend some time in denial. Eventually I settle down, and face my new reality.

Acceptance slips in. It’s a part of my life. I can accept it. Until another drama, disaster or bad news hits, and then I live through the process again.

Then I go for a swim, pray and take a walk. It helps, but it doesn’t get rid of it.

Do you worry more about the unknown, not having information or do you worry more once you have all the facts and it’s not good news?

A close-up of the cactus in bloom.

A parenting tip from Ireland

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A photo from the river at Graignamanagh that I took during our trip to Ireland years ago.

Here’s an interesting bit of news:

Parents in a town in Ireland came together to voluntarily ban smartphones for kids as old as 13 by Zoe Rosenberg in a publication called Insider.

I think this is an excellent idea and if I could go back in time, I’d have waited to give our daughter an iphone. We did wait with our son because he was three years older — and smart phones weren’t a thing yet.

But by the time my daughter was in third or fourth grade, a few of her friends were using smartphones. I remember changes at swim meets — before and after smartphones. When the kids were young and nobody had phones, the high school kids played card games with the little ones. They also played “Catch Phrase” and made up word games.

When my daughter was in high school, the middle school and high school kids were no longer talking or laughing. They sat, staring at their screens. I found out later that a lot bullying was going on between the girls — sitting a few feet apart — on their phones.

Here’s an excerpt from the story:

  • Parents in Greystones, Ireland, have implemented a smartphone ban for primary school-aged kids.
  • The ban is voluntary, but parents said it reached a critical mass that makes enacting it easier.
  • The pact seeks to curb anxiety and exposure to unsuitable material, and has won support nationally.

Some kids in Greystones, Ireland, may have to wait until their teen years to partake in the latest viral dance craze, thanks to a voluntary ban on smartphones that has won the support of many area parents.

The Guardian reported that parents in the coastal town, about a 45-minute drive south of Dublin, have joined together to implement the ban that seeks to bar smartphone usage until kids reach secondary school, typically at the age of 12 or 13.

The hope is that the ban will help prolong childhood by lessening the anxiety and exposure to adult materials that smartphone usage often eggs on. 

https://www.businessinsider.com/voluntary-smartphone-ban-for-kids-ireland-town-greystones-2023-6?op=1

Not only has smartphone use in toddlers and children been linked to slower brain development, it also has increased anxiety and depression in teens. Not all parents are for the ban, and they aren’t required to follow it. But a large enough population of parents support it to make it effective. I guess parents don’t like to be the “odd one out.”

I think my kids would tell you that I had no problem being strict and saying no. But when it came to the iphone, I had no idea that it was harmful. It was fairly new for kids to have, and it seemed perfect to communicate with them. We started off with Tracphones with no smart features and prepaid minutes when they went to swim camp at USC. Eventually, they got their iphones.

I wrote about families in the Silicon Valley who ban screens for their kids. They are working for the tech companies, and I felt they must know something that we weren’t aware of. You can read that story HERE.

What are your thoughts about bans on smartphones for children?

It’s all about Waffles

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It was Waffles the Pug’s seventh birthday over the weekend. Since I’m in a low mood due to health issues in my family and I can’t focus, I decided photos of Waffles were in order to make me smile — and you, too. Who doesn’t like cute puppy pictures?

Seven years ago we got Waffles as a Christmas present for our daughter. Waffles became an unofficial mascot for her Utah swim team and they allowed him to come to swim practice. The sports marketing team posed him for social media posts. He’s been a joy to everyone, especially my daughter.

Waffles is a love bug, but does have one annoying habit. He puts whatever he can into his mouth. He’s uncontrollable like a two-year-old. Consequently, he’s given us plenty of scares. Once he found an adderall on the floor at a friend of my daughter’s. That was a night in the ER. Then he ate poisonous berries in our backyard. Trip to ER. The worst though was when he swallowed a piece of wood that got lodged in his small intestine. Surgery. Good thing my daughter has dog insurance!

Through all the fun and the drama, I can’t figure out where seven years disappeared.

Waffles in the sweater I bought him for cold Utah winters.

Waffles in one of his Ute posts.

Waffles in Carpinteria celebrating his first birthday at the beach.

Waffles in his puppy glory.

Waffles with his momma when we met him.

Waffles hanging out with our daughter in our backyard.

My daughter and Waffles. Graduation from college.

What do you think is more adorable — puppies or kittens and why?

I read that naming pets after food is a trend in 2023. I guess my daughter was ahead of her time?

Vacation with a twist

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My son and his girlfriend last summer at the beach near Santa Barbara where we”ll be on vacation soon.

What a whirlwind week or two.

We had two health scares in one week. One was my daughter who had a reaction to general anesthesia and almost stopped breathing. The other was my son’s girlfriend — who I don’t know the outcome of a biopsy yet, but needless to say we’re all scared.

My son was so shaken up they decided to move up their wedding date from August 2024 to next week! If she needs surgery, he wants to be officially married and by her side.

I’m experiencing intense joy mixed with fear and praying that everything will be okay. They’ve been together for ten years, so we believed marriage would someday be in their future — just not in a couple days. They are devoted to each other and there’s an abundance of love between them.

We’ll be leaving our vacation for our first child’s wedding to celebrate their day.

A shout out to The World’s Common Tater for his post earlier this week called You Take the Good, You Take the Bad. He gave me the courage to write this post.

When have you experienced the good and bad at the same time?

One of my favorite photos of my son taken years ago by his girlfriend and soon to be wife!

Below: Palm Springs at the entrance of our home during Spring Break while they were in college.