Category Archives: children

The death of the Conference of Champions

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I’m a Husky, as in a University of Washington alum. The U Dub as it’s known, is on Lake Washington in Seattle. It boasts a great medical school and breathtaking views of mountains and water.

My parents went to the U-Dub as did my brother. I’m not sure if my grandparents on my mom’s side went there, but they could have. I know my grandparents on Dad’s side did not, as they were immigrants from Finland.

My daughter went to Utah, which was a fairly new school to the PAC 12. Because of the influx of cash by joining the PAC 12 (due to TV deals for football), my daughter was treated to a bevy of goodies as a scholar athlete. She called me the first day of school and said they gave her an iPad. They also gave her a laptop. They had an athletic dining hall that served all-you-can-eat crab legs, oysters and prime rib after wins by the football team. She had access to free trainers, massages and tutors. Oh yes, her workout gear was magically laundered and replaced in her locker. It was quite a deal for sure. That’s on top of tuition and books.

I soon became a fan of Utah, giving up my Husky loyalty. I loved going to the swimming PAC 12 Championships in Federal Way, Wash. Because of teams like Stanford, CAL and USC, there were many Olympic swimmers including Katie Ledecky, Missy Franklin and Simone Manuel. It was like attending our own private Olympics. You can read about my first PAC 12 meet HERE.

I was proud my daughter was a swimmer in the PAC 12. I loved the 100-plus year history of the conference and the many rival football games, like U Dub versus “Wazoo,” UCLA v. USC, O vs. OSU.

Now that’s all gone. First USC and UCLA left. Next it was Colorado. The last few days Oregon, Washington, Arizona, Arizona State and Utah announced alignments with new conferences.

I find it really depressing and upset that money is at the root of this change. I’m all confused about the Big 10 and Big 12. I don’t get it at all. I guess my PAC 12 gear will be collector’s items.

What are your thoughts about the death of the PAC 12?

What sports are you a fan of? Do you like pro or college sports?

A tip to say good-bye to your college student

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University of Utah in Salt Lake City
University of Utah in Salt Lake City

Shout out to Brian from HotM and Writing from the Heart with Brian for a story Wednesday about the emotions of taking his youngest to college. It reminded me of a post I wrote about saying good-bye:

First I wrote about 7 tips for parents on Move-In Day. At the end I wrote: “I made it through the day without tears–mostly. It was a long, busy and tiring day. When my husband and I stopped for lunch — alone — and I realized that we were truly alone — the tears ran down my cheeks. I wiped them off and prepared myself for battle for the next stop at Target. When, it’s time to say good-bye — well, I’ll tell you how that goes another time.”

Kat during our 6th trip to Target
Kat during our 6th trip to Target

So, how did it go when we said good-bye?

We had planned to stay until Sunday. Move-In day had been Thursday. We wanted to be around for a few days in case she needed us. She wanted us there on Thursday, but by Friday — not so much. It began to make sense for us to leave. We didn’t want to hang out and wait to see if she wanted us around. It didn’t make us feel good and we weren’t enjoying ourselves exploring the city that much. We had a long drive ahead of us, too. So we went out for an early morning walk and talked about how we’d let her know that we felt it was time to leave.

She texted us at 7 a.m. Saturday. 

text from Kat
text from Kat

Okie dokie.

It was time to say good-bye. We walked over to her dorm. I took a deep breath. I said a prayer to be strong.

“Do not cry. I can do this,” I repeated in my head.

She opened the door, I wanted to say something profound and loving. Something she’d remember — but I said nothing. My husband said a few things and I nodded my head.

I opened my mouth, my voice cracked and wavered. At this point I cannot remember what I was trying to say.

“Mom! Mom! Stop it!” she said. “Don’t!”

She held my face in her hands, like I was the child. “It’s going to be okay.”

A view during our walk on campus
A view during our walk on campus

Tip:  Make it short and quick.

Bill and I walked out of her room into the bright cool air that is Utah. We walked all over campus for two hours and I felt much better — amazed at what a strong beautiful woman we had raised.

Sage Point dorms at U of U
Sage Point dorms at U of U, the athlete housing for Winter Olympics 2002.

Here’s an update:

Screen Shot 2014-09-01 at 6.39.38 PM

What tips do you have for saying good-bye to your loved ones — whether it’s college or pre-school?

Teach the children well

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kids and their dog
My children at the beach with Angus our best dog ever.

I like an idea I read about in an article in the Wall Street Journal by Anthony De Leon.

Here’s the title and excerpt:

600 Kindergartners Were Given Bank Accounts. Here’s What They Learned.

How San Francisco and other cities are trying to boost financial education and college savings

Tierra Ferrand started saving for college when she was in kindergarten.

She and 600 other low-income public-school students in San Francisco were each given a bank account with $50 in 2011 as part of a program that expanded the curriculum from reading and writing to interest rates. Now 17 years old, she has more than $1,500 banked and is off to Grambling State University in Louisiana this fall. That balance may be small, but Ferrand and her mother, Aisha Brown, 44, said the account changed their approach to money and saving.

“Outside of this account, we don’t have other college savings accounts,” Brown said. “We don’t have those advantages that some other families may have.”

San Francisco’s Kindergarten to College Program, which now gives $50 in savings to every student, has 52,000 active accounts with a total balance of $15 million—$10 million of which came from deposits made by the students and their families. The program aims to be both financial education and a small start to college savings, and has been replicated in 39 states across the country. 

https://www.wsj.com/articles/college-savings-fund-san-francisco-85d32bf5?mod=life_work_featured_pos3

I’ve often thought there are many things we need to teach our children in school — or at home. I remember talking to my son’s fourth grade teacher.

“Can you give them a lesson on how to write a letter and address an envelope?” I asked. I discovered my son didn’t know where addresses went on an envelope. I was sure he wasn’t the only one.

That’s because kids use email and lost ordinary skills that we took for granted. Banking, savings, credit cards and compound interest are lessons that are being taught in some classes in San Francisco along with the $50 deposit into a savings account. I say “some” because in the article I learned that not all teachers use the savings account lesson plan. They said they were busy enough with existing curriculum.

Another thing I realized my son didn’t learn was how to pay for gas and fill up the tank. I homeschooled my daughter for middle school and I included lots of “adulting” lessons. I thought my son would pick up things naturally from observation. But he was always reading — every free minute — like on car rides. He was oblivious to the world around him.

Changing a tire is a skill my dad taught me when I got my first flat. Of course we have AAA now, but isn’t that a good thing to know how to do if you don’t have cell reception?

What other basic life skills do you think should be taught to our kids in school or at home?

I hope you’re enjoying my new M W F blogging schedule.

Teach the children well from Crosby Stills.

Backyard beach adventure

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My daughter and me in the backyard of a house we used to rent in Laguna Beach.

We rented a house in Laguna Beach to escape the high temperatures of Palm Springs in the summertime. We rented with another family from Memorial weekend to Labor day, splitting the summer in half.

The family who owned the house were school teachers. They took off to Alaska each summer as rangers.

I was worried the first time I visited the house. The backyard dropped off into a canyon. There were railroad ties between the lawn and a cliff. Having a two-year old son, I was worried the yard was too dangerous.

The owner laughed and said she raised three boys in that house and there was never an issue.

Me and my son at the beach in Laguna.

I’ll never forget the first time we rented the house. We told our son we were going to the beach. He grabbed a shovel and bucket and said, “Let’s go!” He was headed to the edge of the lawn and railroad ties, where there was a view of the ocean.

“No!” I stopped him. “We have to drive to the beach.”

Later that summer, I couldn’t find the T.V. remote control. My husband worked in Palm Springs during the weekdays and I was alone with my son except for weekends.

I was six months pregnant with my daughter at the time.

“It’s down there!” my son said pointing to the cliff dropping to the canyon.

“What?” I asked.

“I threw it down there,” my son said, pointing.

I strapped him in his stroller before I ventured into the canyon. I made my way over the railroad ties, clinging onto shrubs for dear life, as I scrambled along the steep incline. Needless to say I was a wreck by the time I made it back up the steep cliff into the backyard. No, I didn’t find the remote.

My son seemed fascinated watching me from the safety of his stroller.

I pushed my son in his stroller into the house, unbuckled him and collapsed on the sofa.

My son joined me on the sofa and fetched the remote control from under a throw pillow.

“Here it is!” he said.

My kids at the Laguna Beach house, sitting on the hearth wearing sofa arm protectors as hats.

To this day, I have no clue why my son told me he threw the remote control into the canyon. I’m sure he was entertained watching me as I held onto branches and bushes to not tumble down the cliff.

What unexpected things have your kids done to make your life exciting?

It’s that time again…

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My husband and I decided it was time to renew our passports after our last trip to Mexico a couple weeks ago. We don’t plan on any trips out of the country for the next few months.

We do have plans to visit California, our friends in Santa Barbara — and hopefully our kids will be joining us. You don’t need passports to visit California, regardless if it seems like a different country or not.

My son didn’t join us on our last trip to Mexico although our DIL did. He didn’t get his passport renewed in time. He did schedule an appointment. The soonest appointment was a month out.

After looking online and printing out paperwork, my goodness! What a complicated bunch of words in tiny print. It gave me a headache looking at it. Or, maybe it was because I had an eye exam earlier and my eyes were dilated.

In any case, they tell you if you have your passport, it isn’t expired, and want to renew it, you don’t go to a passport office or post office. You mail in paperwork. I’m not sure if we mail in the old passports or not. That’s a little concerning. We do need to get new passport photos and staple them exactly a certain way to the paperwork.

Our passports don’t expire until February, but we’ve heard the turn-around time is three to four months, so we’re tackling this chore this week. Reading the US Passport website, it said when renewing your should start NINE MONTHS IN ADVANCE! Yikes, we’re already a month behind.

Do you have any tips for passport renewals? Do you need to mail in your old passports or do we get to use them until the new ones come in?

Parents cashing in on kids

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kids on a rock
Laguna Beach picture of my kids from around 2001.

My daughter shared an article with me that she thought I’d find interesting for my blog. It’s from Teen Vogue — which she said is not behind a paywall — and has more interesting articles than fashion like “What’s hot for summer.”

In “Influencer Parents and The Kids Who Had Their Childhood Made Into Content” by FORTESA LATIFI, I learned about parents who cashed in on their kids on social media.

Here’s an excerpt:

Claire, whose name has been changed to protect her privacy, has never known a life that doesn’t include a camera being pointed in her direction. The first time she went viral, she was a toddler. When the family’s channel started to rake in the views, Claire says both her parents left their jobs because the revenue from the YouTube channel was enough to support the family and to land them a nicer house and new car. “That’s not fair that I have to support everyone,” she said. “I try not to be resentful but I kind of [am].” Once, she told her dad she didn’t want to do YouTube videos anymore and he told her they would have to move out of their house and her parents would have to go back to work, leaving no money for “nice things.”

When the family is together, the YouTube channel is what they talk about. Claire says her father has told her he may be her father, but he’s also her boss. “It’s a lot of pressure,” she said. When Claire turns 18 and can move out on her own, she’s considering going no-contact with her parents. Once she doesn’t live with them anymore, she plans to speak out publicly about being the star of a YouTube channel. She’ll even use her real name. Claire wants people to know how her childhood was overshadowed by social media stardom that she didn’t choose.  And she wants her parents to know: “nothing they do now is going to take back the years of work I had to put in.” 

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/influencer-parents-children-social-media-impact

It would be easy to judge these parents as monsters. But, I am thankful Instagram and TikTok did NOT exist when my kids were young. Wait, I’ll retract my statement and call it exploitation of children. I guess that’s being judgmental, right?

I had Facebook when my kids were growing up and my pages were an embarrassing brag-site of my amazing, marvelous kids! It’s nauseating to look back on.

As my daughter got older, her friends would bully or tease her about awkward tween years’ photos I posted. She asked me to NOT post anything about her without permission. I mostly followed her wishes. Maybe slipping up a few times.

Although I look negatively at parents who use their children as cash cows, like I said, I’m glad it wasn’t something I had an option to do. Unlike TV and movie parents, there are no protections for kids who are content on their parents’ social media sites. The article goes into detail about how contracts with TV and movies have protections for children and they get money put into a trust.

By the way, I also didn’t think it was right for swim parents to put pressure on their swim kids to earn college scholarships. I had a weekly column about swim parenting HERE. Too much pressure, period. However, if a scholarship did happen, that’s icing on the cake of all the valuable lessons and friendships gained through sports.

I look at the harm social media has done to our kids who grew up with it. Suicide, depression, anxiety and eating disorders are running rampant. I wonder how these teens are doing who were used as influencers since toddlerhood?

I have a weekly zoom call where we talk about all sorts of current subjects. We are a variety of ages, religions and a spectrum of political persuasions. One of the topics we’ll talk about next week is social media and our youth. Here’s A LINK to a Surgeon General’s Advisory from the Department of Health and Human Services that I received from the group yesterday. In the article is a pdf from the Surgeon General.

What thoughts do you have about parents using kids as influencers on social media? What thoughts do you have about the affects of social media on our youth?

Three things to tell you daughter on grad night

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katwide

I wrote this post when my daughter graduated high school. With graduation season here, I decided to repost my thoughts from not quite ten years ago:

 
Today my little girl graduates high school. What a joy she has been to raise, teach and hang out with. I remember her kindergarten interview when she had to be tested for one of the coveted spots at St. Theresa’s. She had fun buns on her head and ankle high “Britney Boots,” marketed for little girls dreaming of becoming Britney Spears. She boldly entered the kindergarten class and announced to the world that she was “Robert’s little sister.”

IMG_4888

Today, I have a tall, wise-cracking young lady with a big smile and sparkle in her eye. If I could tell my daughter three things she needs to know for her next adventure called college, what would it be? 

katpromharry

First…

“To thine own self be true.” Don’t worry about what other people think. Do what you know is right. This famous quote is from Polonius to his son Laertes, before Laertes boards a boat to Paris in Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Even though it’s pretty old, it still resonates today.

katsurf

Second…

Happiness is not having a boyfriend or being thin. My mom would tell me the worst things when I was my daughter’s age — mainly focused on the need to “have a man” — or that “a man would make me happy.” This must be a throwback to my mother’s generation, where a woman’s identity and self-worth were wrapped up in a spouse. Instead, I will tell my daughter that happiness is found within yourself — by doing something that you love. Once you find happiness in yourself, only then can you share it with others.

swimmer4

Last…

katandrobert

Don’t worry about what your career or major will be. You will figure it out. Don’t feel pressure about it. Most people going into college that have a major, change their minds anyway. Get your basic requirements out of the way and then after taking different classes, you will discover what you don’t like and what you do like.

And most importantly, not even on the list — I love you.

Utah Swimming and Dive Kat Wickham

What three things would you tell your son or daughter on graduation night?