Shout out to Brian from HotM and Writing from the Heart with Brian for a story Wednesday about the emotions of taking his youngest to college. It reminded me of a post I wrote about saying good-bye:
First I wrote about 7 tips for parents on Move-In Day. At the end I wrote: “I made it through the day without tears–mostly. It was a long, busy and tiring day. When my husband and I stopped for lunch — alone — and I realized that we were truly alone — the tears ran down my cheeks. I wiped them off and prepared myself for battle for the next stop at Target. When, it’s time to say good-bye — well, I’ll tell you how that goes another time.”
So, how did it go when we said good-bye?
We had planned to stay until Sunday. Move-In day had been Thursday. We wanted to be around for a few days in case she needed us. She wanted us there on Thursday, but by Friday — not so much. It began to make sense for us to leave. We didn’t want to hang out and wait to see if she wanted us around. It didn’t make us feel good and we weren’t enjoying ourselves exploring the city that much. We had a long drive ahead of us, too. So we went out for an early morning walk and talked about how we’d let her know that we felt it was time to leave.
She texted us at 7 a.m. Saturday.
Okie dokie.
It was time to say good-bye. We walked over to her dorm. I took a deep breath. I said a prayer to be strong.
“Do not cry. I can do this,” I repeated in my head.
She opened the door, I wanted to say something profound and loving. Something she’d remember — but I said nothing. My husband said a few things and I nodded my head.
I opened my mouth, my voice cracked and wavered. At this point I cannot remember what I was trying to say.
“Mom! Mom! Stop it!” she said. “Don’t!”
She held my face in her hands, like I was the child. “It’s going to be okay.”
Tip: Make it short and quick.
Bill and I walked out of her room into the bright cool air that is Utah. We walked all over campus for two hours and I felt much better — amazed at what a strong beautiful woman we had raised.
Here’s an update:
What tips do you have for saying good-bye to your loved ones — whether it’s college or pre-school?
I’m smiling at this bittersweet story of growth, hers and yours.
Thank you. It was a tough few days for me. But the realization hit me that she was going to be fine and didn’t need me at her side.
I think the children these days have figured out their priorities and are stronger for it.
Yes, so true!
❤️❤️❤️
The kissing hand always works….
Awe.
💗💗
👍🏼
For me, it was about keeping my focus on them- how great their opportunities, how fun their adventure, and how much they were about to discover. That kept the mood exciting. After I left, I allowed myself to feel for me. But they didn’t need to be part of that. I realize though, that a successful goodbye starts at hello- approximately 18 years of preparation needs to be done. A goodbye full of regret and uncertainty about whether the “youngun” is ready would be much harder!
What a fabulous point of view. Yes, I tried to keep my emotions in check but didn’t quite succeed. It is 18 years of preparation and then realization that they are ready to fly.
Yes! And I don’t think all the tears are sad ones. Some of them are just about how proud we are of them- how much we admire the adult they’ve become. And that, combined with the emptiness we feel about their absence is simply too much to keep inside. I had a hard time when my son left recently, as you know. I did better with the kids with whom I had more time to prepare. But this one left suddenly, so an unexpected opportunity. I didn’t keep my tears in check. There he was, towering taller than me, strong arm around me, as my husband and I prayed for him… and after we said amen, I could see he was concerned about me. I had to let him know that only 33.33% of the tears were sadness- the rest were joy and admiration and gratitude to God. (Seriously, one mom to another, this motherhood thing is rough! Haha!)
What a wonderful story. I do agree that some of our tears are pride and admiration for what wonderful adults they’ve become. To be honest, I’m having a tough mom week with two medical scares. One with my daughter who had a bad reaction to anesthesia and the other my DIL who we’re waiting on a biopsy. Prayers please!
Oh my goodness! Yes- I’ll definitely pray. Medical scares are especially difficult because there is really nothing you can do. Oh we try- and we can be beneficial emotionally and we can help with comfort- but prayer is the best -and only- way we can bring healing. I’m joining you at the feet of the Great Physician!
Thank you! 💕
I have always been one to hold it together at the time- I have this thing about being the *strong one* deeply ingrained in my head. It is only later that I fall apart 🙂
My kids all went to college close by, less than 30 minutes away so it’s been their moving to different states as adults that brings adjustment.
My daughter went out of state. My son was four hours away. You’re fortunate yours were so close.
I felt very lucky. I think they were all motivated by their interests/goals and definitely by the school that offered the better fin aid and scholarships 😉
They sound like they were fortunate, too! My daughter was motivated by scholarships and the beauty of Utah.
OMG – I’m in tears. I can’t imagine having to do this but I know that to think of it now is to jump over a million steps between now and then. So I’m taking a deep breath and remembering that I’ll be okay. Beautiful post, Elizabeth!
Awe. Thank you for your kind words. Yes, you have many milestones until it’s your turn!
Oh….her holding YOUR face in her hands. That got me. The long slow walk away from our daughter’s dorm room…knowing we were getting on a plane without her reminded me of leaving her on her first day of kindergarten that must’ve only been a minute before…not a dozen years. Love, love, love all of this. xo! 🥰
Thank you, Vicki. Yes, the years from kindergarten to college flew by! My daughter had fun buns and was wearing what she called her “Brittany Spears” boots on her first day of kindergarten. I’ll never forget.
Oh my goodness. I can picture all of that! Time goes by way too fast, doesn’t it? 🥰
It’s crazy how fast time goes these days!
I’m with you….find the ‘slow down’ switch, will you? 😎
I wish!
My experience of those first 18 years was that they seemed to last for 28. But looking back, I see that it was just a super brief wrinkle in time—the blink of an eye. To all young parents, I say, enjoy every moment, for they will be a memory for many years longer than they were a reality. I’m grateful for both!
Beautifully said. I remember moms of older kids telling me to enjoy every moment. It seemed so cliche at the time. But now that I’m on the other side, I know exactly what they meant.
Oh, I love this EA. I especially love the “Okie dokie” and her holding your face in her hands. Who’s the child and who’s the adult? I say that admitting that my kids have done the same to me. Ha, ha. I love this story. Thanks so much for reposting. It will easier next Saturday when we take back my son — we’re supposed to be old pros now — but there will still be some quiet moments on the drive home. Thanks EA!!!!
I’m glad you liked it. Revisiting this post brought back all those feelings I was experiencing. Definitely bittersweet.
And look where you’re kids are now! Exciting to look back and ahead. Makes the goodbyes easier! 😎
It is! We actually have a wedding in our near future! More on that later 😊
That’s awesome news! 😎😎😎
Yes! Actually I call her my DIL now because she and my son have been together for ten years, since he was 20. I’m so happy he’s going to do the right thing!
Oh, that really is great news. So happy for you and your family. Fun times to look forward too!
😊
Wow, I got teary-eyed, remembering when our son and daughter embarked on the same adventure. It’s so bittersweet, and I was like you, trying to contain my emotions. Most of the time, they won though, and then the kids simply laughed because they knew “that’s Mom!”
I wish your daughter and you and your husband all the best!
Thank you! Yes, it was difficult to say goodbye. I think because she was the youngest it seemed so final for my “mom” days.
I totally get it. We became empty nesters 2 years ago. Now we’re okay, but at the time, it was bittersweet. 🙂
The good news is that the sadness passes and we do look forward to our times together. We’ll be on vacation in a week with kids joining us for a few days. 😊
Aww! Parenting and letting go is so hard …. but to see our children as grown adults does fill us with pride as well. 🥰
It does! 😊