Category Archives: feelings

Black Friday

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A cactus in bloom last May.
A cactus in bloom last spring.

Black Friday is an interesting day for me. When I was 20 years old, home for Thanksgiving weekend, I drove from our town of Snohomish, Wash. to Bothell to hear a band play at a grange hall. I was with two high school girlfriends, Mary and Rebecca, who were sisters.

People in the band were friends. My goal was to ask one of the guys in the band to our sorority dance. It was a Tolo type of dance, where the girl asked the boy.

We parked across the street. Rebecca was stopping cars on the busy highway so we could cross. I froze in the headlights and held onto the hood of Rebecca’s parka, when a pick up truck came racing toward us.

The truck hit us both.

I bounced onto the hood, shattered the windshield and landed 35 feet on the other side. I was on the highway lying in a pool of blood with tires driving by — inches from my face.

Thank goodness for Mary, who wasn’t hit and watched it all happen. She called the ambulance and I was off to Evergreen Hospital for a few weeks. Rebecca refused to be admitted and lost a kidney later.

This is another one my memories of Thanksgiving week that isn’t so great. Our dear friend died Thanksgiving 2021. Kitty died Sunday and then I have the memory of getting hit by a truck.

But one of the unexpected outcomes of that Black Friday was gratitude. Yes, there was pain. Months of not walking. I had to come home from college for a quarter.

My priorities in life profoundly changed.

Waiting in the hospital bed for a physical therapist to show up, I realized my two strong desires. To walk again and be able to go to the bathroom. I no longer cared about losing five pounds. I didn’t care about the latest fashion. I didn’t care about grades.

Life is precious. And I appreciate every moment.

What life changing moment have you experienced where your priorities changed?

It’s the little things

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Bob cat
Bob cat lounging outside our bedroom window.

I find a lot of happiness and excitement in little things. Our lives are made of small moments strung together and if we spend too much time worrying or focusing on the past or future, we miss the little bits of joy in the present. 

Here’s a list of moments that make me truly happy:

Hearing the birds sing early in the morning.

My kids calling just to talk. They aren’t asking for anything and there’s nothing big going on.

Having lunch yesterday with a good friend and spending a few hours catching up with our lives.

Noticing that my husband got his dish off the table, into the sink and miracle of miracles—into the dishwasher.

Watching baby quail in our backyard.

Seeing a bob cat on my outdoor camera.

Olive the cat honoring me with her presence and stretching out for a cat nap while I’m laying on my side. I have to be careful not to move, so she doesn’t fall off.

Sitting in by back yard reading a really good book.

Walking with my husband and marveling at the beauty surrounding us on a weekend morning.

Checking things off my to-do list and feeling productive.

What little things in your life make your day?

We had a visitor last night.

Take Time to Flourish

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quail photo
Male Quail photo from my Bird Buddy.

I discovered a simple exercise that can help us with our mental well-being and happiness. I’ve mentioned it before, but want to give more information about where I found it and how it works.

I learned about this simple practice called the “What-Went-Well Exercise” or “Three Blessings” in a book called Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being written by Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D., who is the director of University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Center. According to Seligman:

“We think too much about what goes wrong and not enough about what goes right in our lives. Of course, sometimes it makes sense to analyze bad events so that we can learn from and avoid them in the future. However, people tend to spend more time thinking about what is bad in life than is helpful. Worse, this focus on negative events sets us up for anxiety and depression. One way to keep this from happening is to get better at thinking about and savoring what went well.”

Here’s how the exercise works:

“Every night for the next week, set aside ten minutes before you go to sleep. Write down three things that went well today and why they went well,” Seligman wrote. “You may use a journal or your computer to write about the events, but it is important that you have a physical record of what you wrote. The three things need not be earthshaking in importance. (“My husband picked up my favorite ice cream for dessert on the way home from work today”), but they can be important (“My sister just gave birth to a healthy baby boy”).“Next to each positive event, answer the question “Why did this happen?” For example, if you wrote that your husband picked up ice cream, write “because my husband is really thoughtful sometimes” or “because I remembered to call him from work and remind him to stop by the grocery store.” Or if you wrote, “My sister just gave birth to a healthy baby boy,” you might pick as the cause “God was looking out for her” or “She did everything right during her pregnancy.”

According to Seligman, he used the Three Blessings exercise with his students and patients. He discovered after six months, it was as effective as anti-depressants. I’m trying to be consistent with my gratitude journal and include Three Blessings.

What practices do you follow for better mental health and happiness?

Would you consider trying Three Blessings?

Watch baby quail in my backyard along with a quail fight by the adults.

What I Miss About My Daughter

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Happy birthday to my daughter! Yes, I miss her, but I’m happy she’s living near my son and DIL, has her pug Waffles and a job she enjoys.

I wrote this when we dropped our daughter off at college several years ago. Now that she’s living in the adult world — I still miss these things about her. We were lucky to have her sheltering in place with us for a couple of months. That was one of the good things that happened in 2020 — not COVID-19 and being locked down — but getting the chance to spend time together.  

excited child at the beach
Kat at Carpinteria State Beach on a camping trip.

We took our daughter to college two weeks ago. She looks really happy in the photos posted on FB and Instagram. She’s made new friends, is enjoying her team and coaches — and likes her classes.

My life is busy with new and old projects. But, I notice a quiet, a sort of waiting sense, that I didn’t feel before. It’s the little things about her that I miss.

close up of swimmer swimming butterfly
Kat swimming

I miss her cracking my back. She would give me a hug, tell me to relax and say, “One, two..” and lift me up in the air before she said three. The result was cracking, popping relief.

I miss her making me laugh. Kat is funny. I love her little half smile when she knows she’s especially clever. And the crinkles around her eyes when she laughs out loud.

I miss her cleaning out my wallet and organizing it for me. She’d say, “Mom your purse is a gateway to hoarding.”

I miss her walking through the kitchen door after her morning workout asking me to make her eggs. I don’t have anyone to make eggs for right now — except my husband and me — and we rarely eat them.

I miss her cat Olive walking on the skinny end of her four poster bed while she watched Netflix on my laptop.

precious baby kitten
Baby Olive

I miss when she was very young and called yellow “lallo.”  When we’d go to the beach, she’d strip naked as soon as her suit got wet. I used to bring a bag full of swimsuits for her.

Kat in a dry suit at the beach with big brother Robert.
Kat in a dry suit at the beach with big brother Robert.

I miss going to the pool and watching practice, chatting with the other swim parents. That was a luxury that I took for granted.

Yes, I miss her and I hope she knows how much I love her. Happy birthday!

Kat making an entrance into the room.
Kat making an entrance into the room.

What are the little things you miss the most about your kids who have left home — or friends you no longer see very often?

Today is the day

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A painting of our son’s girlfriend Catherine (Buff) by Jamie Stoneman, her friend and art major.

Our future daughter-in-law Buff is having surgery today. I’m asking for prayers for a successful surgery for stage three colon cancer, without complications.

Buff is an amazing person and a beautiful poet who has been published in numerous literary and poetry publications. We love her like our own daughter.

Here’s one of her poems:


Coal Oil Point
Tonight the sky with its plummy texture
Is especially dear to me, and the small purple
Flowers shuddering in the sand.
Tonight the wind curls soft and salty against
My bare arms with that strange lively mourning.
You let me look at you and understand that
Nobody has ever had eyes like yours, fringed with
Red-gold lashes, and nobody will again.
I look up at the stars and pity them:
The more they burn the faster they die.
How I burn makes me live beyond myself.
Catherine Simpson is a cellist who lives in Berkeley. She has been previously published in Big River Poetry Review, Right Hand Pointing, Spectrum, Step Away Magazine, Into the Teeth of the Wind, Poydras Review, and Splash of Red.
This work is Copyright © 2013, and owned by Catherine Simpson and may not be distributed or reprinted in any form whatsoever without written permission from the author.

Thank you for your positive thoughts, prayers and love sent to Buff, our son and family.

UPDATE: Surgery was a success! Buff is recovering. She didn’t lose any other organs and it was the best case scenario. Now on to healing.

What kind of “vert” are you?

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brother with two sisters
My Mom, her older brother and my aunt who is 11 or so years younger.

When my family got together to share memories of Mom — while feasting on her favorite dinner of prime rib and popovers that my brother prepared — my aunt (pictured above with Mom) shared several stories. I wrote about the red square contest HERE.

My mom had a funny sense of humor. Even in her later days. When I’d drive her for our favorite sushi lunch, if someone was crossing the street, she’ tell me’d say “Hit her. She’s worth three points.”

Mom’s dad died from stomach cancer at a very young age. My mom was possibly a freshman in college? With her little sister 11 or 12 years younger, my aunt didn’t remember much about her dad. She asked Mom, “What was Dad like? Was he an introvert? Or an extrovert?”

My mom thought for a bit and said, “He was just a regular vert.”

That reminded me of several comments I’ve seen on blogs lately, including my own. We identify as introverts and extroverts.

But are we really one or the other? Is there a combination? Are we introverts more extroverted with people we’re comfortable with? Or is that true for everyone?

What kind of “vert” are you?

Two more thoughts

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Utah and UW friends

My BFF from the University of Washington and me during one of her visits to our home.

Without my friends I would have been lost.

I’m talking about my recent visit with my mom. In case you missed it, I wrote about it HERE. It was difficult to find my mom in skilled nursing and to see how drastically she’s aged since my last visit.

I stayed with my best friend from college who lives six miles from my mom’s assisted living. Lots of times I stay in a small hotel close by. It’s not that nice, but affordable. It was so much better to come back each day to my friends’ comfy house and not be alone.

My BFF’s husband loves to cook and he shopped and prepared my favorite foods. The first night he made steamed clams, garlic bread and a delicious salad. Last time I visited, we went to Pike Place Market and I bought clams, which he cooked. They remembered how much I enjoyed them which was touching. I suppose they didn’t forget after I kept asking if they wanted the clams on their plates! They surrendered them to me.

steamed clams from Pike Place Market

It was so comforting to not stay by myself and to be able to relax and talk with close friends each day and tell them about my mom. I don’t know what I would have done without them.

The power of music.

One day my mom was kind of out of it. When I walked into her room, she was asleep. She woke up and said “Who are you and what do you want?” I was standing over her bed. To be fair, she didn’t have her glasses on and was groggy.

I got her out of bed and helped her sit in a chair while I sat on her walker. I turned on the TV, but she wasn’t interested and stared down at her hands.

I remembered my brother told me that she perked up listening to music. Mom was a coloratura soprano opera singer. My brother played her Joan Sutherland, a famous coloratura soprano, on his phone and he said Mom sang along with her. I played her favorite songs from Don McClean including Vincent, American Pie, And I Love You So, and Castles in the Air on my phone. She owned every one of McClean’s albums and played them over and over when I was a child.

After a few minutes of listening, my mom began to sing along. The music moved her and made her more alert. She focused on getting out of her chair to walk to her old room. I was amazed at the power of music and the effect it had on her.

“And I Love You So”

And I love you so
The people ask me how
How I’ve lived till now
I tell them “I don’t know”

I guess they understand
How lonely life has been
But life began again
The day you took my hand

And yes I know how lonely life can be
The shadows follow me
And the night won’t set me free
But I don’t let the evening get me down
Now that you’re around me

And you love me too
Your thoughts are just for me
You set my spirit free
I’m happy that you do

The book of life is brief
And once a page is read
All but love is dead
This is my belief

And yes I know how loveless life can be
The shadows follow me
And the night won’t set me free
But I don’t let the evening bring me down
Now that you’re around me

And I love you so
The people ask me how
How I’ve lived till now
I tell them “I don’t know”

One of my mom’s all time favorite artists and songs.

What are your thoughts about the power of friendships and the power of music? Do you have any examples of how they’ve added to your life?