Category Archives: College

What I learned from three grads about attitude and achievement.

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Yesterday I interviewed three graduating seniors in Desert Hot Springs for a small scholarship fund I’m involved with. 

Each girl was a joy and their spirit of kindness was refreshing. Our scholarship fund requires recipients to have high academic achievement, leadership, and a commitment to their community.

The high school we visited yesterday is poor compared to the one my daughter attends, although it’s only 10 miles away.

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All three girls had one thing in common — they are the first in their family to be attending college.

One girl was the fifth child in her family. The parents never went beyond 8th grade in their education. She loves her parents, but she has seen how hard life can be without an education. This is what spurred her to take AP and Honors classes to get on track for college. She volunteers while following a path that no one else in her family has attempted.

The second was the salutatorian. Not only did her parents not attend college, but she has an older brother in his 20s that is mentally disabled. I could tell that she was equally as proud of his accomplishments as her own. On weekends, this bright, confident girl, travels 30 minutes to volunteer with animals at the zoo.  Her goal is to be a veterinarian. I have no doubt she will achieve her dreams.

The third girl was very soft spoken and shy, but she had a warmth and grace about her. She has volunteered for four years at a local hospital and said she loves working in the surgery center. “The patients are cranky and I like to do everything I can to make them more comfortable.” Her mother is a single mom that makes $22,000 per year. 

imgres-6I’m proud and honored to meet these three girls. They have given me hope, especially after being around kids in my daughter’s world who are given everything they ask for, want everything and need nothing, have supportive parents, yet still act as though the world owes them something. 

images-5What are the parents of these so called “underprivileged” kids doing that we are not? Perhaps they’ve let their kids fail and learn from their mistakes. Or, they don’t believe their kids are perfect and never make mistakes. They didn’t spend their parenting years fighting every battle for them. These three beautiful girls had to make it all on their own. 

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My scholarship committee after interviewing the three girls.

5 Must See Movies for Holy Week

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imgres-8When I was a kid, the major three TV networks aired Holiday Specials. My mom would make popcorn in a big pot on the stove, or if we were lucky, my brother and I’d get to shake the aluminum-foil bursting “Jiffy Pop” right on the electric burner. We’d gather on the sofa or in chairs to watch — get this — as a family – the “Holiday Special.”

Around Halloween it was Wizard of Oz  and It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Christmas had a bunch of great ones. My favorite was Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, but we also watched A Charlie Brown Christmas, and my Mom and Dad’s favorite — It’s a Wonderful Life.

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This Easter, I’d love to rekindle the tradition of sitting down with family to watch holiday movies together. Unfortunately, my son’s having a riotous good time at UCSB and my daughter will be off to see Lorde, Lana Del Rey, Beck and Arcade Fire. Yes, she’s going to Coachella!

imgres-13If I can convince my husband, or maybe alone, I’m going to check out Netflix, Apple TV, or Google Movies to watch my list of must see Easter movies:

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1. The Robe. Starring Richard Burton, Jean Simmons,  and Victor Mature. 1953. Won 2 Oscars.imgres-10
2. The Ten Commandments.  Charlton Heston, Yul Brynner, Anne Baxter. 1956.  Won 1 Oscar.imgres-14
3. Ben Hur.  Charlton Heston. 1959.  Won 11 oscars.imgres-12
4. Passion of the Christ.  Mel Gibson director. 2004. Not for the faint of heart!imgres-15
and at theaters:

5. God Is not Dead.  I’m going to see this sometime this week. It’s made my list based on a friend’s recommendation.images-9

Do you have other movies to add to my top five picks? Have you seen all five of these movies?

How to Help Your Grad Avoid Angst and Anxiety

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We’re approaching countdown days for my daughter Kat’s high school senior year. These last few months are busy, hectic and getting busier. She seems, how shall I put this? A tad bit cranky.

I’ve shared my son’s senior year with you in “My Son Wrote about his Crazy Mom for his Senior Project.” I have no intention of reliving that experience with Kat!

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What is it about the senior year that turns the smiliest kids into negative nellies?  Why do they hurl hurt at the ones who love them?

My daughter came into the world in fits of colic. I’ll never forget holding her screaming, wiggling little body for months — never able to calm or soothe her. Good meaning friends would say, “try the football hold,”  “press her tummy,” or “give her castor oil.” The moment my husband walked through the door I’d pass her off in the football hold, “Here! Take her!”

By 5:05 p.m. he’d pass her back, “I can’t take this!” and he’d leave the house. Relief would come to me around midnight, when the bright orange-red baby would fall asleep.  Miraculously, one day her colic passed — and I am not making this up — it was on her Baptism day.

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From that day on — until a couple weeks ago — I’ve had the pleasure and joy to be Kat’s mom. So what’s going on now to have her continually snipe at me?  I have joked with other moms that kids act out to make separation easier for us. We’ll push them out the door happily when the time comes.

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Last night, my husband urged Kat to sit down and talk with me. We sat on a double-wide chaise lounge in the backyard and she apologized for being so snarky. She confessed there is a lot going on and sometimes she feels out of control!

First, she told me that a good friend isn’t acting like a friend. This is someone she’s been close to for years. We had a discussion about how friendships change and it’s not anyone’s fault.

Second, kids and teachers from school question her college choice. I beg you all —  parents and kids: “People choose colleges for many different reasons, and we have no right to second guess or challenge their choices!” She could have gone to any number of prestigious schools and she picked the one that felt right. That’ s all we need —  throw in doubt when a kid has made a great choice! Don’t go there!

Third, she has normal fears of leaving home for the first time, like leaving friends and her home.

She also said I need to man up and not be so emotional about it, too!

My advice to parents of seniors, is talk to your kids about what they might be afraid of and what is stressing them out. Realize that you are going through a transitional phase, too. We need to give our kids space, but be there for them when they need a shoulder to lean or cry on.

Photos in order: My daughter in a peaceful moment during the colic days, my son and friends, Kat’s big yawn (thankfully not a cry), and my happy kids during the greatest days of my life.
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What is your child anxious about going away to college?  I’d like to create a top ten list and your input will help!

Are the Rights to Party and Freedom of Speech at Odds at UC Santa Barbara?

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Fear and worry — my first two emotions when my son texted me Saturday night at 10:30 p.m.

He goes to University of California, Santa Barbara and was in the midst of Deltopia — a party turned riot. He said there were helicopters overhead, tear gas, and kids throwing bricks and liquor bottles.

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There’s been national news coverage of the event, and the campus paper also offers detailed coverage.

My third emotion was anger after I read an open letter from a student in defense of Deltopia.

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The student wrote the letter anonymously and said that students are “entitled to blow off steam” and “rage.” Really? ENTITLED? Am I forking over $120,000 plus in big bills for a “right to party?” Thank goodness it wasn’t my son that wrote that letter! I’d disown him. Plus, it’s poorly written. I expect more from my son.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about another national-attention grabbing UCSB story in “Is Freedom of Speech Dead on America’s Campuses?” A feminist studies professor, Mireille Miller-Young, destroyed the poster of a young pro-life advocate and accosted her. Miller-Young pleaded not-guilty to charges of theft from a person, battery and vandalism.

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There’s a petition at UCSB supporting Miller-Young and asking to censor anyone from handing out sensitive material on campus — because it may trigger uncomfortable feelings.

Here’s a quote from the petition:
“We also put pressure on administration and the Office of Student Life to reevaluate rules and regulations that allow outside community members to so heavily trigger and target students and faculty on this campus.”

Are you kidding me? The same students asking to remove freedom of speech from campus are now demanding their right to party!  Students don’t want to feel uncomfortable by a pro-life poster, but, it’s fine and dandy to drink and party at an event that ends with bricks and liquor bottles thrown at police? Has the world turned upside down at UCSB?

Fortunately, there are moments of sanity. I discovered a letter in the Daily Nexus from a student with concern about how their degree from UCSB can be harmed by the party school rep. Also, my son went to a town hall meeting with the administration and he offered a solution. He said administrators, professors and students are actively pursuing ideas to make UCSB a safe, sane place to pursue excellence in education.

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Do you find it odd that students demand the right to party? But don’t want free speech on campus? Let me know.

 

Top 10 Things Kids Need to Know Before Going to College

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The Quad at the UW, cherry blossoms. My alma mater.

 

 

“He tried college a couple times. It just didn’t take,” a dad of one of my son’s friends told me last night at the grocery store.

Next, I got a call from a close friend, whose happy-go-lucky daughter checked herself into a campus hospital, because she felt so overwhelmed and out of control.

Another friend told me their son quit after one semester after too much partying and not enough studying. Yet another mom left on a rescue mission to help a child in need.

What the heck is going on with our kids and college? My own son struggled to find his way his freshman year.  

All of these parents, myself included, believed college was the best and only choice for their kids.imgres-1

Maybe college isn’t for everyone? Maybe we did too much for them? Maybe we didn’t let them fail often or enough?

I’ll talk more about why kids are struggling in college on another day. And if we have an epidemic on our hands.

But, first, I want to share basic things kids need to know before they leave for college. I was often surprised at questions my son would ask me during his first year at college. I’m going to make sure my second child checks off every item on my “top 10 things kids need to know before going to college” list.

  1. Banking skills. Know how to write a check, make a deposit face-to-face with a teller, fill out a deposit slip, and use an ATM card for deposits and withdrawals. Balancing a check-book falls under the banking list.
  2. Laundry. Have your kids do their own laundry so they know how to sort white and colors, hand-wash, hang dry, and fold–and what it feels like to be out of clean clothes. The clean underwear does not appear by magic! imgres-5
  3. Cooking. Teach your child some basic cooking skills like scrambling eggs, making spaghetti, baking a chicken, steaming vegetables, and cooking rice. 
  4. Grocery shopping. Just like clean underwear, the food in the fridge doesn’t appear out of thin air. Teach how to make a list, look for coupons, find sale items, and learn how to read unit pricing on shelves.imgres-6
  5. How to get to and from the grocery store. This may seem obvious, but I’ll never forget the phone call I got from Robert: “Mom. I’m at Costco and how do I get home with cases of water, yogurt, and Top Ramen on my bike?”  Hmmm. Good question.
  6. Budgeting. If your child hasn’t worked at a job and you provide their basic necessities, they lack budgeting skills. My son got his first paycheck working a summer retail job. The check was for $175. He bought his girlfriend a dress for $110 and spent the rest on dinner for the two of them. Very romantic, but not practical when he needed to eat the next week and month.
  7. Theft. At college, thieves are everywhere. My first week of college, I hand-washed some sweaters and hung them out to dry in the bathroom. Within minutes — gone. I had a bike stolen from my sorority storage room — and a locked bike stolen when I used a restroom during a ride around Green Lake. My son’s laptop was stolen when he left it in a study area in his dorm. Make sure they have “find my laptop” activated and never leave anything unattended! Don’t use a chain or cable lock for your bike — use a solid bar type. 
  8. Professors. They set aside office hours and only one or two students bother to stop by per semester. They are thrilled to help and meet students face-to-face. This can help for future referrals, references, internships — and grades. Have your kid meet with each professor at least once, every semester. It can’t hurt!images-2
  9. Cars. Basic things like checking tire pressure, oil and water levels, changing tires and pumping gas. Maybe they won’t have a car right away, but at some point they will and car maintenance is not an instinct. It’s a learned skill.
  10. Learn to say no! College means hanging out with friends, listening to music, parties, dances, rallies, job opportunities, football games, intramural sports, going out to eat, etc. Studying is priority number one. Learning to say no will help your kid stay focused.

What other essential life skills would you add to the list?

imgres-4The first and last photos are from my alma mater the University of Washington. A gorgeous school!

Oh, Folly! No More Follies!

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The Fabulous Palm Springs Follies is closing after 23 years. The economy has been bad since 2008 and according to Riff Markowitz, Master of Ceremonies and Founder of the Fabulous Palm Springs Follies, “small theaters across the country are running out of money and closing.” His is no exception.

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My son turned 21 this week and he mentioned that he’d love to see the Follies since he was born in Palm Springs, lived here his entire life — until college — and has never gone to see it.

My dad, 82 years old, also wanted to see the Follies before it closed. But, his desire was driven by the great Darlene Love of Oscar-winning 20 Feet from Stardom and He’s a Rebel fame. She happens to be the last headliner ever of the Fabulous Palm Springs Follies.

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Tuesday night we went as a three-generation tag team to see the Last Hurrah of the Fabulous Palm Springs Follies with Darlene Love.

Riff singled my son out of the audience for being a “young person!” He made Robert stand up and asked if he was “being punished.”

“How old are you, Robert? Twenty? Look at these shoes,” Riff said pointing to his feet. “These shoes are 11 years older than you!”

He asked to see Robert’s “old persons” and asked if Robert was our “seeing eye driver.” We laughed and cried — Riff was that funny.

Darlene Love knocked us out with her amazing voice and transcending performance.

imgresThe dancers of the Follies are aged 56 to 84 — all Broadway professionals, loving their craft. It’s a crying shame that their careers will be cut short when the Follies close!

It was a delight and I urge you to make the trip to Palm Springs to see it while you can. And if, you can’t, make sure you watch the movie with Darlene Love, Twenty Feet From Stardom! I insist!

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Have you ever been to the Fabulous Palm Springs Follies? Have you seen 20 Feet from Stardom?  Were you as impressed as me?

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Is Freedom of Speech Dead on American Campuses?

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(photo of University of California Santa Barbara)

At my son’s college (UCSB) a professor, accompanied by her students, assaulted a 16-year-old girl who was handing out pro-life literature. They stole her poster and cut it up with scissors. The professor (who teaches a class on pornography) said she was setting a good example for her students and the poster “offended” her. Read about the incident here and the administration’s response.

At UCSB students are signing a petition that states in part: “We also put pressure on administration and the Office of Student Life to re-evaluate rules and regulations that allow outside community members to so heavily trigger and target students and faculty on this campus.”

It’s no longer acceptable to have a free exchange of ideas. It’s clear from other “incidents” that universities will no longer invite speakers who might “trigger” discussions. (See the Condoleezza Rice story below.)

I never knew that the constitution guaranteed us protection from being offended! We live in a society where it is now forbidden to present information that might “trigger” a reaction and might be “offensive” to any individual. It truly scares me — that we are raising and graduating an entire army of close-minded, unquestioning drones –because one side refuses to have other points of views discussed.

Where does that leave “an open exchange of ideas?”Take for example how a student feels at Harvard: “Let’s give up on academic freedom in favor of justice.”

Here are 7 more examples of how freedom of speech is being squelched on campus:

 1. Modesto California student was not allowed to pass out copies of the Constitution.

2. Incident from 2009 where “the comfort level of students matters more than their education.”

3. Professors at Rutgers oppose Condoleezza Rice to speak at commencement. She’s the first black woman Secretary of State.

4. Ray Kelly, Commissioner of New York City shouted down at Brown University.

5. No republicans need apply to speak at commencements. 

6. No Conservatives Welcome at Swarthmore.

7. USC professor bashes conservatives during lecture.

If you are concerned with this trend of only allowing one point of view on college campuses, here’s a list of books for you to read — and your young adults, too: Farenheit 451, 1984, Red Scarf Girl, Anthem, and Ella Minnow Pea.

Do you have any other books to recommend for this list?