Tag Archives: assisted living

Beautiful Palm Springs

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This is a photo of the beautiful backdrop of Palm Springs, Mt. San Jacinto, from Ruth Hardy Park, which was a few blocks from our old home.

Why am I writing and posting photos of Palm Springs again?

Because I was there Friday through Sunday. It’s beyond gorgeous looking out the airport windows to the mountain. I forgot how much I missed that!

The night before we left, one of my best friends called and asked if she could pick me up at the airport. She’s the friend who helped us move five years ago. True friends. I wrote about that move HERE.

I was going to take a Lyft to my dad’s skilled nursing facility, but my dear friend drove me and came inside to surprise Dad. He was thrilled to see her. My dad was hospitalized several weeks ago and sent to skilled nursing to rehab. He realized at age 93 and 11 months that he can no longer live alone. It was a relief that he came to this conclusion on his own.

Friday accomplishments: Dad signed power of attorney to me. Dad listed his home with realtors we met in his home Friday. It was a long day for both of us!

The next door neighbors helped all weekend, too, popping in and out. They’ve looked out for Dad for three years.

Saturday was another long day meeting movers and getting them scheduled for Tuesday. Dad will be discharged from skilled nursing and needs a place to sleep by Wednesday night! I tagged what Dad wants moved including artwork, lamps, bed, dresser, dishes, clothing, etc. with yellow stickies.

I taught my dad how to use Lyft, in the event he decides to sell his car 🙏. Also, assisted living will drive residents wherever they want to go — at anytime without charge.

The realtors will schedule Angel View Thrift Shop to pick up everything left behind and prep the house for photos and to show. I don’t have to be there!

I’m exhausted. But Saturday morning I started the day with a walk and coffee with another Palm Springs good friend. We swam masters together, plus our daughters were friends from pre K through high school and beyond. My daughter was a bridesmaid in Kira’s wedding this past summer.

Here’s a crazy coincidence:

My daughter told me yesterday that she visited Kira on Saturday. On the way, my daughter got off on the wrong BART stop (Bay Area Rapid Transit). My daughter was frustrated with her mistake and was looking down at her phone to figure out what to do next. She looked up and saw Kira’s younger sister standing in front of her! The two got back on BART and went to Kira’s house together.

At the same time I was walking and having coffee with my friend, my daughter was with Kira and her sister (my friend’s daughters!)

What could have been a really tough weekend turned out to be special and possible — thanks to friends.

This was our home of 28 years downtown Palm Springs. Our backyard and French doors face Mt. San Jacinto, so we had great views.

This is Tahquitz Canyon Way. We had great views of Mt. San Jacinto on our morning walks.

Also, a great view Sunday morning of the Tahquitz Witch.

What is the Tahquitz Witch?

Cahuilla shaman named Tquits (or Tahquitz), is a malevolent figure from Southern California Native American lore, often appearing as a fiery ball or shadow in Tahquitz Canyon near Palm Springs, said to steal souls and cause strange phenomena like rumbling or earthquakes, with the legend popularized by stories and books, including a local horror tale about a witch-shadow that scares children. 

The Legend Explained

  • The Shaman’s Fall: Tahquitz was a powerful shaman who used his abilities for evil, angering his people, who eventually banished him to a cave in the San Jacinto Mountains, near Tahquitz Canyon.
  • His Spirit: After his defeat by a chief, Tahquitz’s spirit was bound to the canyon and mountains, becoming a source of fear and mystery, notes the YouTube video and the Los Angeles Times.
  • Manifestations: Believers say he appears as:
    • A large, green fireball or shooting star in the night sky.
    • A shadow or silhouette cast on the canyon rocks at certain times.
    • Causes strange ground shaking, rumbling, or animal sounds in the canyon. 
    • The “Witch” Aspect
  • While Tahquitz is a male shaman, the “Witch of Tahquitz” is a common local nickname, especially in children’s tales, describing a witch-like shadow figure that snatches misbehaving children. –AI OVERVIEW

Links to Tahquitz Witch articles:

Beware of the Tahquitz Witch

The Witch of Tahquitz Canyon: October 2020

When have friends helped you out with something significant or simple?

What local legends do you have for your area?

It’s that time of year again!

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The Frango Mints have arrived! This is my work station in the casita. If you haven’t had a Frango Mint, you’re missing out.

I wrote about Frango Mints last year about this time HERE.

Every year for Christmas and Hanukkah, I mail out Frangos to my husband’s clients. They are a traditional holiday gift in Washington, my home state, where they were first made for Frederick & Nelson’s, a wonderful department store that no long exists.

I keep my postal workers in mind and follow their suggestions of when the best days and hours are to stop at the Carefree post office with my stacks of Frangos. It’s a tiny place and only one or two postal workers are on duty at any time. The people in Carefree who wait patiently in line behind me are so kind and nobody gets upset. I had a very different experience living in Palm Springs which I describe in last year’s story (link above). I also give Frangos to the postal workers. I notice they get showered with gifts each Christmas season.

The history of Frangos is printed on the back of the box.

I hope to get everything done and mailed in one week. After that I’ll be traveling to see my dad who was in the hospital totally out of it and incoherent for a few days. Now he’s in skilled nursing care and thriving. He’s alert, doing PT and eating well. It’s time to make some choices for his future. He may be choosing to enter assisted living at the same place where he’s in skilled nursing. He’s been living on his own, but he’s turning 94 in January. Yes, he does need more care than he needed the past few years.

What traditions do you have for the holidays? Any special foods, treats or movies?

Black Friday

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A beautiful poppa quail in a tree.

Now that the Thanksgiving Feasts are over, we turn the page to Black Friday. Why is the Friday after Thanksgiving called Black Friday? It’s a term from the 1960s coined by police in Philadelphia according to my searches on the internet. They used Black Friday to describe the increase in heavy traffic due to shopping. It also is the day that red ink turned black for stores thanks to shoppers.

I have found this week to be one of the most stressful thanks to my dad being admitted to the hospital last Friday. He’s a “Surviving Sue” person in my life, as a comparison to Dr. Vicki Atkinson’s book of the same title. You can read more about Dr. Vicki and her book on the blog Victoria Ponders.

I am the person in charge of talking to doctors, nurses, family members, selecting a skilled nursing facility, looking for assisted living, selling my dad’s house. Fortunately, by Thanksgiving, he was coherent, moved from the hospital to skilled nursing and is doing better.

We had one snafu. Years ago my dad and I went to his bank to put me on his account so bills could be paid in case he was in the hospital, unconscious, etc. I went into the bank in person with my notebook with his trust, will, power of attorney documents and learned that I was not on his account. I was added as a successor trustee, which means I can pay his bills after he dies. The bank didn’t accept the power of attorney documents and wants them to be redone.

All I can say is from my broken ankle and surgery, my kids’ two surgeries and now my dad, I’m ready to turn the page on 2025!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

What Black Friday deals are you looking for?

Are you ready for the holidays or wishing for a new year altogether?

Why was my daughter so annoyed with me?

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My kids not wanting me to take their pic.
My kids not wanting me to take their pic.

I wrote this years ago, when I was visiting my mom in assisted living near Seattle. After visiting Mom last week, I wanted to repost this.

Why is my daughter so annoyed with me?

I understand how she feels. After all, I was once 19 years old. I remember it very clearly.

When I was that age, everything my mom did, I found unbelievably annoying.

I’ll never forget sitting with her in the car, getting ready to shop at Bellevue Square. She had parked the car. She was fumbling through her purse, making sure she had what she needed. She reapplied her lipstick. Dug through her purse for her wallet to look through credit cards. Searched several times to check where she placed the keys.

Mom and me in the early 90s, big perm.
Mom and me in the early ’90s Like my perm? My mom’s curls are natural.

Would we never leave the car? Would I be stuck all day? I must have said something to her quite snippy or flat out mean. A few tears rolled down her cheeks. Which made me more upset with her.

Isn’t it a sad feeling, transitioning from a mom who could do no wrong—from changing diapers, to cooking their favorite spaghetti, to taping treasured colorings on the fridge that were made just for you—to being the person of their abject disdain?

It’s a tough new role. Let me tell you.

But, having gone through these feelings myself, I understand. I’m visiting my mom this week in her assisted living center. I talked about it with her, what I’m going through now, and what I felt like when I was 19. Fortunately, she doesn’t remember me ever being a snarky 19-year-old.

For some reason, I’ve gained more patience throughout my life and that has been a blessing. I’ve also learned forgiveness.

Something else I’ve learned through years of parenting — this too shall pass.

It’s called independence and freedom. We want our children to grow and become separate human beings who can stand on their own. They need to separate from us. A good time to do that is during their senior year of high school, or their freshman year of college. They need to. I keep telling myself that.

However, we also want to be treated with respect, and once again—someday—to be cherished.

A beach day with my daughter.
A beach day with my daughter.

Have your children been annoyed with you? Do you remember being annoyed with your parents? What were the reasons why?

Use it or lose it

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This was my lunch at Sushi Oto, where I used to go with my mom.

My mom wasn’t in her room when I arrived at her assisted living facility.

Her name was still on the door. Her things were inside. I took a quick roam around to the dining room and living rooms to see if I could find her.

I stopped at a nurses’ station and was informed that she was upstairs in “Skilled Nursing.”

My brother had told me that they were going to move her there eventually. He fought against it for two years. But I didn’t know they finally moved her. She had fallen several times, she wasn’t walking and she’s incontinent — so she went to the next level of care.

When she first moved in, she was in a two-bedroom apartment on campus that didn’t have help. Then she was moved into a studio room when she need more help with daily tasks.

I found her upstairs in the skilled nursing floor. The rooms are all the same. Two hospital beds with a curtain in between.

Her roommate came out from behind the curtain, wearing nothing but adult diapers. I mean stark naked except for pull ups. She spoke gibberish and my mom dove under her blankets to hide.

I went to the nurses station and said, “The woman in my mother’s room is talking to me and I don’t understand what she needs.”

“Oh, don’t mind her. She has severe Alzheimer’s. I’ll send someone to check on her,” the attendant said.

Two staff members came in and profusely apologized to me as the naked geriatric patient was standing at my side.

“Miss Helen, where are your clothes?” she was asked.

They moved her back to her side of the curtain and got her dressed.

My mom needs physical help, but mentally she is not as far gone as most of the people I saw on the skilled nursing floor. She has trouble with short term memory but enjoys laughing and has a great sense of humor.

During my last visit, we played croquet and I took her out to lunch for sushi. We played cards in the card room, went to Bingo and chair yoga. This visit, she demanded that I take her back to her old room. I told her if she could walk to the elevator, I would take her there. She walked about ten yards with her walker and said, “I can’t do it.”

What a reminder for me to get out and move. I’m heartbroken at how quickly my mom has aged since my last visit.

When our parents age, do you find it heartbreaking too?

An atmospheric river

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Weather alert on iphone

I’m visiting my mom in the Pacific Northwest. This is what my phone blasted to me on my first morning when I woke up.

I’ve never seen a hydrologic outlook on my phone, nor an atmospheric river.

I’m staying with my BFF from college and I asked her what it meant.

She said, “Oh I hate this. It’s a huge amount of rain and flooding.”

I pictured the atmospheric river as a massive body of water running through the clouds above my head.

My friend also told me that she thinks the weather forecasters and meteorologists work too hard to find new terms for long-occurring events.

Here’s the rest of the alert I received:

Severe Weather Alert on iphone

I was pleasantly surprised to have cloudy skies with blue peeking through. It’s absolutely gorgeous here and such a contrast from the desert of Arizona. I love spending time with my mom, although she’s not doing as well as during my last visit. More on that after I have time to process my thoughts and emotions.

tree line lane in Redmond WA

The drive to my mom’s assisted living.

blue skies in WA in November

I loved the light in the leaves of this tree at my mom’s assisted living.

What strange weather alerts have you seen? Have you heard of hydrologic events or atmospheric rivers before?

Sights from Pike Place Market

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First thing this morning I rushed to see my mom. I called her last night to remind her I was here. The parking lot of her retirement community was cordoned off with yellow tape to force everyone to drive to the front entrance. I parked and got soaked in the pouring rain to get my temperature check for my one-hour appointment. Then I was instructed on how to drive around the complex to get to my mom’s assisted living building. They had installed barriers so nobody can access the community without first checking in at the main entrance.

View of rhododendrons out my mom’s window.

Mom was so excited to see me, but didn’t understand the one-hour rule. I told her it’s because they only allow two visitors in at once, and they want to make sure everyone has a turn. I explained that I’d be coming back each day to spend the hour with her and we could leave and go for a drive to anywhere she wants to go. Today was pouring down rain and cold. She wasn’t interested in going outside. She didn’t sound enthusiastic about the idea for tomorrow, either, but we’ll see. She looked good and it felt wonderful to be with her in person after missing her since before COVID. We were all worried about her because her home is located a few miles from the one in Kirkland, Wash. that had all the deaths early on. They had an outbreak in Mom’s home, too, but she stayed healthy through the entire year.

It’s very strange to have only one hour with her, but I’m here for several days.

Puget Sound view from the market
View of the Puget Sound from Pike Place Market when the rain stopped.

Pike Place Market is one of my favorite places to visit in Seattle. I’m thankful for the chance to go today. And for my friendship with my dear friend I met in college. It’s a treasure to have a friend you can trust, count on and share your deepest secrets. We may not talk to each other for a year or see each other for several, but once together, it’s like we’re still in our 20s and no time has passed at all.

Here are a few photos from Pike Place Market today — a day of rain, sunshine, hail and friendship:

selfies with masks
We decided to do a COVID selfie to remember this year.

La Panier Bakery, Pike Place Market
La Panier Bakery, now in its 38th year.

More photos:

Public Market sign at PIke Place
Red Snapper surrounded by salmon
Dungeness crabs at Pike Place
I have a painting of my favorite food that from 35 years ago of this fishmonger’s unique display of Dungeness crabs. My friend gave it to me when I left Seattle for Palm Springs.
Flowers at Pike Place Market