I wrote this years ago, when I was visiting my mom in assisted living near Seattle. After visiting Mom last week, I wanted to repost this.
Why is my daughter so annoyed with me?
I understand how she feels. After all, I was once 19 years old. I remember it very clearly.
When I was that age, everything my mom did, I found unbelievably annoying.
I’ll never forget sitting with her in the car, getting ready to shop at Bellevue Square. She had parked the car. She was fumbling through her purse, making sure she had what she needed. She reapplied her lipstick. Dug through her purse for her wallet to look through credit cards. Searched several times to check where she placed the keys.
Would we never leave the car? Would I be stuck all day? I must have said something to her quite snippy or flat out mean. A few tears rolled down her cheeks. Which made me more upset with her.
Isn’t it a sad feeling, transitioning from a mom who could do no wrong—from changing diapers, to cooking their favorite spaghetti, to taping treasured colorings on the fridge that were made just for you—to being the person of their abject disdain?
It’s a tough new role. Let me tell you.
But, having gone through these feelings myself, I understand. I’m visiting my mom this week in her assisted living center. I talked about it with her, what I’m going through now, and what I felt like when I was 19. Fortunately, she doesn’t remember me ever being a snarky 19-year-old.
For some reason, I’ve gained more patience throughout my life and that has been a blessing. I’ve also learned forgiveness.
Something else I’ve learned through years of parenting — this too shall pass.
It’s called independence and freedom. We want our children to grow and become separate human beings who can stand on their own. They need to separate from us. A good time to do that is during their senior year of high school, or their freshman year of college. They need to. I keep telling myself that.
However, we also want to be treated with respect, and once again—someday—to be cherished.
Have your children been annoyed with you? Do you remember being annoyed with your parents? What were the reasons why?
I could write a five book series about being annoyed with my parents. My daughter totally gets annoyed with me, but we usually bounce back pretty quickly. I’m sure things will change over time as she gets more independent
It does get better as our kids get older, don’t you think? Looking back it was my kids last year of high school or freshman year of college that were most difficult for me. Transition years.
Middle school was my only slight issue
I homeschooled my daughter in middle school and we had a great time. I guess it pushed off the inevitable for a few years.
I get you EA. Children go through various phases and in the end they become what we hope for them.
That’s so true. 😊
We’re probably not human if we have never shared annoyances with our kids or vice versa! As long as their growing independence wasn’t harmful to them or downright rude to me I tried to remember my own teen years to keep myself from being my mom.
That’s it! It does help to remember our own selves at our kids age.
You’re right about it getting better as your kids get older. They’re calmer. I know I was certainly more calm and willing to see other’s point of view. I used to say to my wife that the kids could be annoyed with me as much as they wanted, as long as we all kept talking and working through the problem. This parenting thing is hard. When our kids reach their early 20s, we, parents, should get. a medal! Great post.
Thank you! My kids are mid to late 20s now and I love and value our relationship. You’re absolutely correct about talking and working through problems.
“We want to be treated with respect, and…..cherished” That jumped out @ me. My parents are 88 and 90. I too have processed (most) of the stuff that used to bug the crap out of me, I am so glad it no longer torments me. I can tell, my two sisters still carry stuff, but it doesn’t stop them from help out w/ the parents. All in all, I have had it pretty good. We too home schooled for 9 years..I am glad we did. Thoughtful post!
Thank you. Isn’t is freeing to let the little stuff that bugged us go? Congrats on homeschooling!