Tag Archives: aging parents

Beautiful Palm Springs

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This is a photo of the beautiful backdrop of Palm Springs, Mt. San Jacinto, from Ruth Hardy Park, which was a few blocks from our old home.

Why am I writing and posting photos of Palm Springs again?

Because I was there Friday through Sunday. It’s beyond gorgeous looking out the airport windows to the mountain. I forgot how much I missed that!

The night before we left, one of my best friends called and asked if she could pick me up at the airport. She’s the friend who helped us move five years ago. True friends. I wrote about that move HERE.

I was going to take a Lyft to my dad’s skilled nursing facility, but my dear friend drove me and came inside to surprise Dad. He was thrilled to see her. My dad was hospitalized several weeks ago and sent to skilled nursing to rehab. He realized at age 93 and 11 months that he can no longer live alone. It was a relief that he came to this conclusion on his own.

Friday accomplishments: Dad signed power of attorney to me. Dad listed his home with realtors we met in his home Friday. It was a long day for both of us!

The next door neighbors helped all weekend, too, popping in and out. They’ve looked out for Dad for three years.

Saturday was another long day meeting movers and getting them scheduled for Tuesday. Dad will be discharged from skilled nursing and needs a place to sleep by Wednesday night! I tagged what Dad wants moved including artwork, lamps, bed, dresser, dishes, clothing, etc. with yellow stickies.

I taught my dad how to use Lyft, in the event he decides to sell his car 🙏. Also, assisted living will drive residents wherever they want to go — at anytime without charge.

The realtors will schedule Angel View Thrift Shop to pick up everything left behind and prep the house for photos and to show. I don’t have to be there!

I’m exhausted. But Saturday morning I started the day with a walk and coffee with another Palm Springs good friend. We swam masters together, plus our daughters were friends from pre K through high school and beyond. My daughter was a bridesmaid in Kira’s wedding this past summer.

Here’s a crazy coincidence:

My daughter told me yesterday that she visited Kira on Saturday. On the way, my daughter got off on the wrong BART stop (Bay Area Rapid Transit). My daughter was frustrated with her mistake and was looking down at her phone to figure out what to do next. She looked up and saw Kira’s younger sister standing in front of her! The two got back on BART and went to Kira’s house together.

At the same time I was walking and having coffee with my friend, my daughter was with Kira and her sister (my friend’s daughters!)

What could have been a really tough weekend turned out to be special and possible — thanks to friends.

This was our home of 28 years downtown Palm Springs. Our backyard and French doors face Mt. San Jacinto, so we had great views.

This is Tahquitz Canyon Way. We had great views of Mt. San Jacinto on our morning walks.

Also, a great view Sunday morning of the Tahquitz Witch.

What is the Tahquitz Witch?

Cahuilla shaman named Tquits (or Tahquitz), is a malevolent figure from Southern California Native American lore, often appearing as a fiery ball or shadow in Tahquitz Canyon near Palm Springs, said to steal souls and cause strange phenomena like rumbling or earthquakes, with the legend popularized by stories and books, including a local horror tale about a witch-shadow that scares children. 

The Legend Explained

  • The Shaman’s Fall: Tahquitz was a powerful shaman who used his abilities for evil, angering his people, who eventually banished him to a cave in the San Jacinto Mountains, near Tahquitz Canyon.
  • His Spirit: After his defeat by a chief, Tahquitz’s spirit was bound to the canyon and mountains, becoming a source of fear and mystery, notes the YouTube video and the Los Angeles Times.
  • Manifestations: Believers say he appears as:
    • A large, green fireball or shooting star in the night sky.
    • A shadow or silhouette cast on the canyon rocks at certain times.
    • Causes strange ground shaking, rumbling, or animal sounds in the canyon. 
    • The “Witch” Aspect
  • While Tahquitz is a male shaman, the “Witch of Tahquitz” is a common local nickname, especially in children’s tales, describing a witch-like shadow figure that snatches misbehaving children. –AI OVERVIEW

Links to Tahquitz Witch articles:

Beware of the Tahquitz Witch

The Witch of Tahquitz Canyon: October 2020

When have friends helped you out with something significant or simple?

What local legends do you have for your area?

Why was my daughter so annoyed with me?

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My kids not wanting me to take their pic.
My kids not wanting me to take their pic.

I wrote this years ago, when I was visiting my mom in assisted living near Seattle. After visiting Mom last week, I wanted to repost this.

Why is my daughter so annoyed with me?

I understand how she feels. After all, I was once 19 years old. I remember it very clearly.

When I was that age, everything my mom did, I found unbelievably annoying.

I’ll never forget sitting with her in the car, getting ready to shop at Bellevue Square. She had parked the car. She was fumbling through her purse, making sure she had what she needed. She reapplied her lipstick. Dug through her purse for her wallet to look through credit cards. Searched several times to check where she placed the keys.

Mom and me in the early 90s, big perm.
Mom and me in the early ’90s Like my perm? My mom’s curls are natural.

Would we never leave the car? Would I be stuck all day? I must have said something to her quite snippy or flat out mean. A few tears rolled down her cheeks. Which made me more upset with her.

Isn’t it a sad feeling, transitioning from a mom who could do no wrong—from changing diapers, to cooking their favorite spaghetti, to taping treasured colorings on the fridge that were made just for you—to being the person of their abject disdain?

It’s a tough new role. Let me tell you.

But, having gone through these feelings myself, I understand. I’m visiting my mom this week in her assisted living center. I talked about it with her, what I’m going through now, and what I felt like when I was 19. Fortunately, she doesn’t remember me ever being a snarky 19-year-old.

For some reason, I’ve gained more patience throughout my life and that has been a blessing. I’ve also learned forgiveness.

Something else I’ve learned through years of parenting — this too shall pass.

It’s called independence and freedom. We want our children to grow and become separate human beings who can stand on their own. They need to separate from us. A good time to do that is during their senior year of high school, or their freshman year of college. They need to. I keep telling myself that.

However, we also want to be treated with respect, and once again—someday—to be cherished.

A beach day with my daughter.
A beach day with my daughter.

Have your children been annoyed with you? Do you remember being annoyed with your parents? What were the reasons why?

Wordle saves the day!

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Wordle
Yesterday’s Wordle.

I saw a headline yesterday that grabbed my attention after I finished my daily Wordle:

Chicago woman rescued from naked kidnapper thanks to Wordle

https://nypost.com/2022/02/10/chicago-woman-rescued-from-naked-kidnapper-thanks-to-wordle/

In an article written by Yaron Steinbuch, a woman in Chicago was rescued from a naked man who held her at scissors-point and later knife-point because of Wordle. Her daughter lives in Seattle and was concerned the next morning when her mom didn’t text or contact her about Wordle. That prompted the daughter to call the police.

This reminded me the importance of staying in touch with family members. I wrote a blog post called Inspiration can be a daily, family thing a number of years ago when one of my college roommates was visiting me. She and her two brothers and mom would have a group text each morning to make sure everyone was okay. Their mom was in her 80s and lived alone, and it was the kids way to make sure their mom was ok.

I was doing this with my kids but it went by the wayside. We would share something we’d find inspirational in a group text every morning. My mom is turning 90 next month and she’s in assisted living. Unfortunately she isn’t tech savvy and isn’t good about answering her phone. But she has a staff to check up on her. My dad is 90 and lives alone. He has friends who check up on him and we talk on the phone every few days. Maybe I should start a morning text with him, though.

How do you keep in touch with your family? Do you have a set time to text or call?

A scare during a weekend in paradise

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View of Emerald Bay Lake Tahoe from a baot
Emerald Bay in Lake Tahoe.

This past weekend I went to Lake Tahoe, Nevada for the first time. We have friends who lived near us in Palm Springs who also have a house in Tahoe. They sold their California home like we did this past year and we discovered our new Arizona homes are less than a mile from each other. We got together as new neighbors before they headed for the cool Lake Tahoe weather — and they insisted we come visit them.

Lake Tahoe view
View from our friend’s kitchen.

We finally did it! I was a little apprehensive because although we’ve been friends for years, we don’t have a “stay with them in their home” type of friendship. I’m close with the wife through our school parenting days, but our husbands have only met during formal school related events.

Anyway, it turned out to be a memorable, fun, amazing gorgeous weekend of hiking, boating, eating, touring and building on our friendship. I can’t get over what a perfect weekend it was.

Until I got the phone call.

The unknown number came in while we were on their gorgeous speed boat. The day so far had included a morning hike, mooring the boat for lunch — in front of their private country club’s lake house — a $10 million house that had been renovated as a restaurant and place to hang out on the lake. Access to it is through their golf membership — although it’s miles from the golf course. Next, we toured Emerald Bay and then anchored at Rubicon Bay, which had turquoise blue water, warm enough for a quick dip. I’m not sure where the next stop was going to be.

Turquoise water of Rubicon Bay Lake Tahoe
Rubicon Bay where we went swimming.

We pulled up anchor and were racing through the water to our next destination when I answered the call. It was hard to hear over the roar of the boat’s engines, I was breaking up to the person on the other end. I finally heard that my dad had pushed the button on the device I insisted he wear around his neck. They said they called him and he wasn’t answering. Then the phone went dead. After three attempts, I got the rest of the story. Dispatch was on their way to my dad’s house.

wake from a speed boat on Lake Tahoe

I tried calling my dad. The phone was answered but it was pure static and garbled. I tried again. No answer.

My friends told me to wait to call until they got me to a place with more bars for cell reception.

I was shaking. I felt so helpless. What could I do for my dad while racing around in an exotic boat on Lake Tahoe? How quickly could I get a flight to Palm Springs? Why had I moved away from him? Maybe my brother was right after all. My brother has been insisting that I move dad to Arizona to be closer to me. Dad is turning 90 next year and my brother said that he can’t live alone because of his age. That’s when I insisted my dad get the “help I’ve fallen button” to wear around his neck. I also hired a friend to stop by and see if he wants her to run to the store or do anything for him.

Up until that moment, I disagreed with my brother. My dad lives in a senior community near Palm Springs. He golfs three times a week, has friends (who are currently out of town), takes ukulele lessons, drives his golf cart around, and he started a new hobby of remote controlled yacht racing last year. He’s happy. He’s active. He’s engaged.

If I were to move him to Arizona, what would he do? Sit in my casita and watch TV? Or alone in an apartment with no friends? Wait for me to play golf with him at the surrounding super expensive golf courses — instead of his current situation of getting out to play a few holes at affordable rates whenever he wants? I honestly think he’s happier in his own environment. And I believe he can make a decision about where he lives. At least that’s what I thought until I got the call.

Lake Tahoe Lake House for lunch.
View from the country club’s lake house where we had lunch.

Back to the boat….I called my dad when we were in an area where I got better reception. Dad answered. He said it was a false call. He had been working on the misting cooling system on his golf cart and accidentally pressed the button leaning on something. He also said he called the company to tell them it was a false alarm, but they put him on hold! He said dispatch had come and was ready to haul him to the hospital, but they figured out he was fine.

I can’t tell you how relieved I was. And I don’t think it’s time to take him out of his own home and active lifestyle. Not yet.

What are your thoughts about leaving aging parents in their own homes versus moving them to live closer or with you?