What happened to civility? And how can we return to it?

Olive in an uncivil mood.

Olive in an uncivil mood.

 I wrote the following story in 2015. I can only say that rather than improving since then, things seem far worse. I wish I had a solution or could offer suggestions about how to unite our uncivil society, but I can’t. I can only be conscious of my own actions and be grateful for what I have and try to set an example for my kids.

I’m trying very hard to not get caught up in all the over-reacting that’s floating around. Have you noticed a lot of intolerance and anger lately? People seem to get upset and outraged over the littlest things. Like waiting in line. Political opinions. Slow drivers.

Read about how I got yelled at by a total stranger here

How we handle little things and disappointments in life in a positive way can help us become better role models for our kids. It can also change our outlook and make a frustrating day, a better one.

imgres-4I think email, texting, twitter and other social media, in general, can lead to misunderstandings and hard feelings. First of all, by emailing rather than having a conversation, a person can unload in ways they wouldn’t in person. He or she isn’t picking up on verbal and non-verbal cues. The conversation is totally one-sided without any give or take. We don’t have to bother with a discussion or to hear another person’s side of the story.

Online, have you read comment sections on a news or political story? If people can leave comments anonymously, look out! A snarky comment looks like an attaboy compared to the filth and nastiness you’ll read. People don’t tolerate differences of opinions and resort to name calling rather than debate issues. The anonymity of hiding behind a computer rather than facing someone is unleashing hostility and words that quite frankly are better left unsaid

imgres-3Have you ever texted someone or sent an email you didn’t mean to? Or, it went to the wrong person? How about thinking you hung up the iPhone, and you didn’t or pocket dialed the person, and they can hear your subsequent conversation?

It’s hard enough when you’re the one committing the faux pas and even harder when you’re on the receiving end.  Yikes. If this happens to you, take a minute and breathe. Realize you have a choice—how to react. You could get upset. You could make a big deal out of it and be confrontational.  Or, make the choice that it was a mistake and no ill will was intended. 

I believe it’s a choice we can make on a daily basis. Take a deep breath when you’re behind a slow driver. When you’re waiting behind an elderly person trying to work the ATM or checking out at the grocery store. Don’t automatically jump on the uber outrage. We don’t have a choice on what is happening, but we do have a choice on how we react.

Baby Olive.

Baby Olive.

I think the best choice is to be “merciful.” This word popped up on my iPad yesterday. It’s not a word we hear spoken out loud these days—unless we’re sitting in a pew. In the everyday world, it sounds old-fashioned and is not practiced much. I wasn’t quite sure of the exact meaning of “merciful” so I looked it up online at Merriam Webster:

Merciful: treating people with kindness and forgiveness : not cruel or harsh : having or showing mercy: giving relief from suffering

I’m going to incorporate it into my everyday life when I feel the adrenalin or upset feelings start. I think if a lot more of us practiced mercy, our world would be a whole lot better.

We also need to keep in mind that our kids learn from our behavior. How we react to stress is most likely how they will deal with situations as they grow up.

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How about reaching out to those around you?

 

How do you make each day a friendlier and more civil place?

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Two Things About Recovering from Surgery — Some People Are Real Jerks

 

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Where I had my surgery and am seeing my doctor.

Today, I left the house for the first time since my surgery over a week ago. I drove myself to my post op appointment and felt so good restoring a bit of my freedom. But then, when I looked for my temporary handicap parking placard, I couldn’t find it. I didn’t sweat it but parked at the nearest spot in the orthopedic building lot which was three rows away from the front door. I figured it must be in the other car—or maybe my husband knew where it was. It was a big hike for me, one step at a time with a walker, step by step and took more than ten minutes getting inside the building. I looked at all the rows of handicapped parking and realized they were all full anyway. There’s a run on handicapped parking at the Desert Orthopedic Center. I haven’t gotten a handicapped spot yet during my last few month’s visits.

The appointment went well. The doctor is kind, gave me color photos of the inside of my knee and said I’m doing great. That was all good news. I can start back to PT next week and can put a little weight on my leg.

 

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Inside my knee.

But then, things got ugly after my appointment when I walked back to my car. Step by tiny step with the walker, stopping to catch my breath, I worked my way through the lot. There’s a crosswalk that divides through the islands with enough room for wheelchairs or people like me, struggling with walkers to get the shortest route from my car to the front door.

Except for the jerk in the brand new silver Corvette, who took it upon himself to park in what was NOT a spot! He left his car in the divide that was the handicapped CROSSWALK. Once I got there looking at my car–two rows away–I tried to inch by his fancy, shiny car. But, no! His car prevented me from using my walker. He took up more than a foot of the room I needed to get by. I tried using my walker with the right two legs up over the curb in the planter and the left two legs on the blacktop.

I had to backtrack, go an extra 50 yards around the parking area, to get back to where I would have been if I had taken the crosswalk. I was furious. After me, I watched a sweet little old lady swear, and a mom with an infant and stroller and a hubby on a knee scooter with a shattered foot curse out loud. Thanks, mister hotshot with the Corvette!

 

 

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This is what the Corvette looked like.

 

The mom with the stroller and infant said, “What an asshole!”

I said, “I know! I had to walk clear around,” and pointed out my circuitous route.

Her husband said, “What? A guy driving a Corvette is an asshole? Who knew?”

We all cracked up at that.

But then, back home I got a little more upset, after my husband and I discovered the temporary handicapped placard is nowhere in either of our cars. The last time I saw it was the day before surgery when we went out for brunch at one of our favorite restaurants. We had valet parked. That was the last time we used the placard and the only time I was in a car–prior surgery. Don’t get me started!

 

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If you see one of these around, it’s mine!

One thing that being injured has taught me is to be more considerate of people with injuries, disabilities and the elderly —those who need those handicapped placards, crosswalks and parking spots.

Living With Uber Outrage in a Hyper Sensitive World

Olive in an uncivil mood.

Olive in an uncivil mood.

I’m trying very hard to not get caught up in all the over-reacting that’s floating around. Have you noticed a lot of intolerance and anger lately? People seem to get upset and outraged over the littlest things. Like Halloween costumes. Waiting in line. Political opinions. Slow drivers.

Read about how I got yelled at by a total stranger here

How we handle little things and disappointments in life in a positive way can help us become better role models for our kids. It can also change our outlook and make a frustrating day, a better one.

imgres-4I think email, texting, twitter and social media in general can lead to misunderstandings and hard feelings. First of all, by emailing rather than having a conversation, a person can unload in ways they wouldn’t in person. He or she isn’t picking up on verbal and non-verbal cues. The conversation is totally one-sided without any give or take. We don’t have to bother with a discussion or to hear another person’s side of the story.

Online, have you read comment sections on a news or political story? If people can leave comments anonymously, look out! A snarky comment looks like an attaboy compared to the filth and nastiness you’ll read. People don’t tolerate differences of opinions and resort to name calling rather than debate issues. The anonymity of hiding behind a computer rather than facing someone is unleashing hostility and words that quite frankly are better left unsaid

imgres-3Have you ever texted someone or sent an email you didn’t mean to? Or, it went to the wrong person? How about thinking you hung up the iPhone, and you didn’t or pocket dialed the person, and they can hear your subsequent conversation?

It’s hard enough when you’re the one committing the faux pas and even harder when you’re on the receiving end.  Yikes. If this happens to you, take a minute and breathe. Realize you have a choice—how to react. You could get upset. You could make a big deal out of it and be confrontational.  Or, make the choice that it was mistake and no ill will was intended. 

I believe it’s a choice we can make on a daily basis. Take a deep breath when you’re behind a slow driver. When you’re waiting behind an elderly person trying to work the ATM or checking out at the grocery store. Don’t automatically jump on the uber outrage. We don’t have a choice on what is happening, but we do have a choice on how we react.

Baby Olive.

Baby Olive.

I think the best choice is to be “merciful.” This word popped up on my iPad yesterday. It’s not a word we hear spoken out loud these days—unless we’re sitting in a pew. In the everyday world it’s sounds old fashioned and is not practiced much.

I wasn’t quite sure of the exact meaning so I looked it up online at Merriam Webster:

treating people with kindness and forgiveness : not cruel or harsh : having or showing mercy: giving relief from suffering

I’m going to incorporate it in my everyday life when I feel the adrenalin or upset feelings start. I think if a lot more of us practiced mercy, our world would be a whole lot better.

We also need to keep in mind that our kids learn from our behavior. How we react to stress is most likely how they will deal with situations as they grow up.