Category Archives: Middle-aged

Troubles in paradise

Posted on by
24
husband and wife
Back when we were young — pre kid days.

Have you ever been around a couple who isn’t getting along? We have close friends who are going through a difficult time. When the four of us are together, you’d never know anything is wrong. We laugh, enjoy each other’s company and reminisce when we became friends before kids.

But when I’m alone with my friend, she confides to me that things are not all rainbows and sunshine. It’s been this way more than a year at least and seems to be getting worse.

I brought it up to my husband and he said he’s hearing similar things from the husband.

He wants to ignore it and enjoy our friendship. Compartmentalize it. Somehow it seems fraudulent, but I’m going along. I’m not a making waves type.

I feel like if my girlfriend is complaining to me and it’s that bad, why doesn’t she do something? Get counseling or stand her ground? Or, are they stuck in ugly relationship patterns? I do complain a bit about my husband, too. It’s something many wives do. I’m going to stop that because I see how it looks from the receiving end. But this feels different to me.

We’ve had two or three couples we’ve hung out with who got divorced. One divorce ended a relationship with one of my husband’s childhood friends, because after coming to my husband for advice, my husband confided that the wife made a pass at me! She did. Then my husband’s friend made up with his wife and they blamed US for their problems. Eventually they got divorced.

The other couple wasn’t as close to us and I realized that when we talked to the husband, he’d use whatever we said to attack his wife. So I kept my distance and my mouth shut.

I guess our single friends are easier to be around.

How involved do you get with your friends’ relationships? Have you ever offered advice that has come back to bite? Do you give relationships advice or avoid it? Have you been around friends who aren’t getting along?

I’m so old I’m growing barnacles!

Posted on by
3
barnacles1-1024x684
The ocean type of barnacles

I wrote this post March 2014. I began my blog a few months earlier. I was wondering after the strange year called 2020, what was I up to in March when I began blogging?

I went to a skin doctor to have some nasty looking moles on my face checked. I had them removed years ago, but they are back — looking meaner and uglier than ever.

The doctor told me that they are not moles.

“They sure look like moles,” I said.

“No, they are barnacles.” he said.

That floored me. “Barnacles?”

“Yes. Barnacles. The human kind.”

I texted my husband. He said, “That sounds nasty!”

“Thank you, honey. I love you, too!”

images-1

Need I say more? They are nasty and the nice doctor took out a tank of liquid nitrogen and spray painted my face. I think I will not go out in public again for a long, long time. The nasty mole thingies have transformed overnight into large stumps sticking out of my face.

Ugh! They are supposed to fall off now. Anytime, please. I’m waiting. And while I’m waiting I’ll write draft 11 of my mid-grade novel.

images

Human Barnacles are also known as Seborrheic Keratosis. They are a result of getting older. I just read on a website that they should fall off from freezing with liquid nitrogen in a few weeks. A few weeks???

The Good News: Seborrheic Keratosis is not cancerous or dangerous in any way. I am thankful for that. I almost forgot to mention that the doctor gave me a long lecture about being in the sun, wearing sunscreen with at least a 50 spf and wearing long sleeves and pants. And that swimming is not a good sport for my daughter because she is so fair-skinned!

Fall of 2020 and I was done with barnacles that were thriving on my face. I went to a fellow swim parent who works for a local dermatologist. He didn’t lecture me on my tan or swimming. He also didn’t use liquid nitrogen but scraped them off. Instead we chatted about our kids who were swim teammates.

The mystery of the missing glasses — solved!

Posted on by
Reply

Last September and October I was housebound waiting for cataract surgery. I wrote this about our beach vacation and how my glasses went missing, just as I needed them the most. I had to go without contacts for weeks on end so my eyes would normalize. My contacts add pressure to my eyeballs and change the curvature of my eyeballs. So, before the doctor would perform surgery, he’d check my eyes and waited until my vision stabilized. A very stable 20/2000!

This is what I wrote last fall:

horses on the beach shore

Views from the morning beach walk.

We unpacked from vacation last night and I can’t find my glasses. This is especially bad, because I’m having eye surgery in a few weeks and I’m not supposed to wear my contacts. The question is — where did my glasses go?

Our vacation was in a VRBO beachy house in Summerland, a quaint town near Santa Barbara. We had our daughter and Waffles the pug stay with us for the first weekend and then mid-week our son and his girlfriend joined us.

It was one of the most relaxing and best vacations in recent memory. We walked the beach a few blocks below the house each morning. Each day brought new sights with a combination of fog, clear sunshine, horses, dogs, seals and dolphins. After the morning walk, my husband and I’d log onto our laptops for a few hours work. Then back to another beach for hours sitting under an umbrella, watching the waves and reading. We’d end the beach day with another walk with our feet in the cool ocean water. What we found so surprising was practically vacant beaches in August — in So Cal!

Dinners we shared with friends and the kids. We know several great couples who live in the area and we laughed through great meals and memories, like grilled fresh ahi, a delicious Italian restaurant and a make-your-own pizza night. For the kids, I cooked prime steaks, salads and their favorite veggies, using my tried and true reverse sear method I found on youtube.

turquoise beach house with tropical plants

The beachy VRBO.

I was resigned that the wonderful vacation must come to an end. What I wasn’t prepared for was losing my glasses. The last time I wore them was at our friend’s house and I packed my small handbag with contacts and glasses — I’m sure.

The next few weeks will be interesting, because without contact lenses, I cannot drive. I’m literally going to be housebound until my cataract surgery — except if my friend takes me to Masters swimming and I can manage to swim blind.

My contact lenses change the curvature of my eyes, so I have to let my eyeballs rest and return to normal. I scrounged up an old pair of glasses at least five years old and scratched as heck. But it’s better than nothing, I guess. I plan on taking my morning walks, and continue on with my writing, although at a slower speed and most likely more typos — since I can’t see worth beans. In the long run it will be worth it. But, where did my glasses go?

pug running along the beach

Waffles on a beach run.

My girlfriend has searched her house on her hands and knees. I have done the same in my own house. I’ve gone through trash, laundry, drawers, suitcases, bags, under beds, and throughout the car and trunk. Of course, I blame my missing glasses on my husband — but that’s a story for another time. Just when I need my glasses the most, poof! They’re gone!

MYSTERY SOLVED! This summer in August we returned to the same beach house for vacation and voila! In the back pocket of my worn out Tommy Bahama beach chair were my glasses! Now I have them, and I don’t need them. Of course.

 

When to Take a Break From Vacation

Posted on by
Reply

IMG_3931

The pool at the MARC, Park City, UT

My husband and I planned a week’s getaway in the gorgeous mountains of Park City, UT. We booked a townhome on Airbnb months ago. Finally, the big day arrived.

We were packed, ready to go, when something came up with my husband’s work and we had to make a detour for a meeting two hours out of the way. Hey, we weren’t on any schedule so it was no big deal.

While I waited for him in a Starbucks, my stomach churned. Hours later, he picked me up and we were officially on vacation with a 10-hour drive ahead of us. We decided to break it up into a two-day drive, since half the day was gone already.

My stomach acted up and we stopped in every town from Pasadena to Las Vegas. Finally, I felt better. We slept in a hotel across the border in St. George, Utah and made our way to our destination the following day. We were exhausted when we arrived and took some small walks around town. The following day we met with friends and had a great day. But then, my husband got sick! It lasted for another a few days.

This was not what we planned for an ideal vacation, but sometimes it’s what life throws at you. You roll with it. There was nothing seriously wrong or life threatening. Just annoying. We’re looking forward to trying out Park City next summer. There’s so much we wanted to do, but didn’t have the time. 

IMG_3951

Views from our hike on the slopes of Park City.

When we finally felt normal, we hiked in the mountains with our friends who live here for the summer. It was tough because we weren’t used to the altitude, but we were so thankful to be out and about in nature. After our hike, we drove to the MARC, the Municipal Aquatic and Recreation Center. I swam and felt wonderful while my husband worked out in one of the most amazing weight rooms he’s ever seen.

At the end of the day, our first day with lots of activity, I barely could walk up the hill to our Airbnb. My legs felt like jello and I was breathing so hard. I checked my health app on my phone. We had walked or hiked more than 10 miles and I swam a mile in the pool. Yikes!

IMG_3950

One of the hiking trails.

Needless to, say, it was not a good thing to make up for lost time on our vacation. Now, we need to recover from too much vacation!

Please share some of your vacation stories when things didn’t go as planned.

IMG_3940

Viewpoint from the big hike.

Reflections from the first meet

Posted on by
Reply

Three years ago, I swam in my first swim meet. Actually, my second one if I count the one at the Everett Golf and Country Club when I was five years old. That meet was really a sort of fun day to end the summer lessons. We raced each other, dove for pennies, and had to pass the Red Cross beginning swimmer exam. I remember being scared at both meets. But, the more recent one was much worse on my nerves. Despite being way outside my comfort zone, I had an experience to cherish. Here are my reflections on my first US Masters meet:

 

IMG_3651

Yes, that’s me–diving off the blocks! Two teammates are in yellow caps.

I wrote about it for Swimswam here. I wrote about how nervous I was in my prior blog–which was before the meet. So, what else do I have to say about the meet? Here’re a few more details and photos.

I loved the people. I especially enjoyed talking with an 18-year-old from Mission Viejo Nadadores who said it was her first Masters meet, too. I asked her if she had been an age group swimmer.

Her answer, “What’s that?”

I asked if she had swam for Nadadores as a child. “No, I started swimming as a sophomore in high school.”

12657411_10208909364275171_1259643982051047456_o

The home town pool the morning of the meet.

She was a new swimmer, like I was—although we were definitely in different age groups! She did very well and won her events. I won a blue ribbon for my relay—in the mixed 45 and older medley.

I loved cheering for and watching my teammates compete. I have a great group of friends and coach on the team. We’re all supportive of each other. The officials are great, too! Honestly, is there a better community than the swim world?

I had fun cheering for two swim moms in particular—our kids swam and went to school together for years. It was a first swim meet experience for all three of us–as swimmers. Both of these swim moms want to continue to compete and get faster. Honestly, I’m content that I survived the experience.

12628577_10208909364315172_9098168561523881913_o

Me and one of my swim mom now US Masters friends.

Sadly, I look nothing like my daughter, who is in the video below, lane one. I can’t believe how slow I look watching the video of my 50 free. Or how my stroke doesn’t look anything like I thought. While swimming, I visualize my daughter’s stroke in my mind.

I was definitely out of my comfort zone, which is a good thing. If you’re interested in swimming, I strongly suggest you find a US Masters group and dive in. You don’t have to compete, and I guarantee you’ll get in shape, get tired, sleep well–and make great friends.

What have you done lately to get out of your comfort zone?

About This Adventuring: The Toboggan Ride Was Fun

Posted on by
13

 

IMG_9961

A perfect day at Alta, Utah.

All my excitement of the New Year came to a crash on the slopes when I made one turn and lost my balance. I went skidding down the mountain spinning on my back and side—but only after feeling a rather awful snap in my left knee.

I stood after a friendly stranger helped me up and I thought I was okay. I skied a hundred yards more and “yikes!” The pain in my knee was sharp, intense and I collapsed. After a third try with the same result, I told my ski companion that I needed help down the mountain. I crossed my poles and we waited until a ski instructor stopped and called a number for the ski patrol to come get me.

Long story, short…actually, it’s a short story because it was only the first turn of my third run on a perfectly beautiful, sunny day in Alta. I was lifted into a toboggan with my left leg in a splint and wrapped like a burrito as ski patrol Chris, skied me to a snowmobile patrol, who took me the rest of the way to the clinic. I held onto a little flap of tarp over my head because the ski patrol Chris said it would keep the snow kicked up by the snowmobile from hitting my face on the way off the mountain.

IMG_9970-1

My view from the Ski Patrol toboggan.

 

The nurse, doctor and receptionist were really kind. They empathize with all their patients whose vacation has been ruined. In my case, I’m not worried about the torn ACL ruining my skiing days. I’m worried about the rest of this week taking care of my daughter’s house and puppy. (I’m in Salt Lake City, Utah to housesit and puppysit for my daughter, who is with her swim team in Florida. I thought I’d take advantage of her proximity to gorgeous ski resorts and ski for the first time in a decade.)

I have a lot going on and I don’t have time for this. In addition to taking care of the pup, there’s a swim meet I was going to compete in early February. Also, I’m traveling back to Salt Lake for my daughter’s senior day and final dual meet. Plus her final PAC 12 swim meet in Seattle. My cousin is coming to visit. My high school friend plans to stay with me. Yikes again. How do I have surgery and participate in all the momentous occasions ahead? What will I do to keep my sanity without my daily walks and swims?

I think a lot will depend on my attitude and outlook. After a good cry that hasn’t happened yet, I’ll pull myself together and face life every hour the way it’s put before me. I remember after my big accident in college, when I was crossing a street and hit by a pick-up truck going 35 miles per hour, it hit me to appreciate the little blessings in life. Don’t take anything for granted. And live life the best you can.IMG_9968

To Diet or Not to Diet — That is the Question

Posted on by
2

images
When I was in college, my best friend and I went on crazy eating binges and diets. We actually put soy sauce on iceberg lettuce and called it a meal. We made shakes with nothing but ice, lettuce and sweet-n-low. Then we’d end the night eating a bag of Toll House semi-sweet chocolate morsels and undo our day of starvation.

imgres-1All that craziness never resulted in losing weight. It wasn’t until I got hit by truck — as a pedestrian crossing a street — that I had common sense knocked into my head.

photo-708909
The week in the hospital made me realize how lucky I was to be alive. I was so thrilled when I could stand up and take a few steps with a walker — and go to the bathroom. That was so much more important to me than the goal of being five pounds lighter. Strangely, after I healed and returned to normal mobility — about six months later — I never had to diet again. I just ate what I wanted and liked. It was mostly seafood. I would choose a second helping of Dungeness crab or Ahi Sashimi over a piece of cake.

imgresBut, then something changed. Welcome to getting older. Weight has crept up on me the last couple years. I exercise every single day, yet ten to 15 pounds seemed to attach itself to my middle. (I guess that’s why they call it “Middle-Aged?”)

images-4I asked some friends that are also middle-aged — who look terrific — what their secret was. They told me about a high protein, low carb diet. I decided to try it, since my kids are off to college and I no longer have to feed two always hungry swimmers.

Five days later, I’m four pounds smaller. But, I am seriously craving a big bowl of spaghetti with meat sauce. And potato salad. 

Check back with me to see if I continue to diet — or not to diet.

Do you have any secrets to staying fit after 50?

 images-5