Troubles in paradise

husband and wife
Back when we were young — pre kid days.

Have you ever been around a couple who isn’t getting along? We have close friends who are going through a difficult time. When the four of us are together, you’d never know anything is wrong. We laugh, enjoy each other’s company and reminisce when we became friends before kids.

But when I’m alone with my friend, she confides to me that things are not all rainbows and sunshine. It’s been this way more than a year at least and seems to be getting worse.

I brought it up to my husband and he said he’s hearing similar things from the husband.

He wants to ignore it and enjoy our friendship. Compartmentalize it. Somehow it seems fraudulent, but I’m going along. I’m not a making waves type.

I feel like if my girlfriend is complaining to me and it’s that bad, why doesn’t she do something? Get counseling or stand her ground? Or, are they stuck in ugly relationship patterns? I do complain a bit about my husband, too. It’s something many wives do. I’m going to stop that because I see how it looks from the receiving end. But this feels different to me.

We’ve had two or three couples we’ve hung out with who got divorced. One divorce ended a relationship with one of my husband’s childhood friends, because after coming to my husband for advice, my husband confided that the wife made a pass at me! She did. Then my husband’s friend made up with his wife and they blamed US for their problems. Eventually they got divorced.

The other couple wasn’t as close to us and I realized that when we talked to the husband, he’d use whatever we said to attack his wife. So I kept my distance and my mouth shut.

I guess our single friends are easier to be around.

How involved do you get with your friends’ relationships? Have you ever offered advice that has come back to bite? Do you give relationships advice or avoid it? Have you been around friends who aren’t getting along?

24 thoughts on “Troubles in paradise

  1. I have one friend who confided that her now-husband was bad in bed, back when they first got together. I told her to stay with him, it will improve with practice. It didn’t improve and a few years later, she wanted to have an affair. Instead they had a baby. Five years later, they’ve just had a second. I’d lost touch with her and sent a message of congratulations on the new baby, and she replied that she wasn’t sure it was a good idea as she’s still unhappy in the marriage! Maybe I shouldn’t have told her to stick with him at the start.

  2. We have couple friends we don’t go out with as a couple because they snap at each other all night…but unless someone wants to talk I don’t get into the relationship thing too deeply. Though everyone has things that drive them crazy about their partner

  3. I notice when I am not working that I have more time to think about these things. I have seen some crazy things with couples. I am glad you moved on from vacation though. I could use a 3 day one! Chose your friends carefully. I see many single friends and some weird relationships with someone from another culture which doesn’t always work well. Enjoy the weekend!

  4. I’ve learned over the years to remain neutral in situations like these. But it’s sad if you’re friends with a couple who divorces because it puts you and your husband in an awkward situation. 🙁

  5. Love the photo!
    A friend of my ex-husband called me one day and said he was cheating. I didn’t tell him who told me when I caught him the next time. We got divorced after trying counseling and he was still going to her! Anyway, my point is that I tried to remain friends with her after all that but she was torn since he was her friend. She did me a great favor though!

  6. Yes I have been bit a couple times but know in my heart what I said was truth. The truth did not sway the women who talked to me…divorce still came, children were in divided homes, suffered. Forgiveness is a hard task, if it were easy everyone would still be together. Young couple ask a lot how have we stayed together so long, 55 years in Oct. Forgiveness is at the top of our list since that is where God started with us. He gave His so to suffer for us so He could forgive us and fellowship with us. One thing I have learned that helps me to forgive…focus on God’s love for me and my husband more than I focus on our love for each other. We are both so flawed and both have baggage that cause most to divorce and I can’t say we have never said the words divorce before, for we have. Yet taking that to the cross on my way to the throne room you have to cross over into forgiveness. I travel the forgiveness road alot and I am sure my husband does too. Another thing that has helped is knowing I don’t have to feel love to love. It’s an act of the will. This couple have heard and believed those truth too yet they chose to go their way instead of God’s. It’s hard to be friends with them, sometimes too hard and we lt go after trying for a while to be there for both. It’s their choice really that splits our friendship, we did not divorce them, they divorced us. Good post. Made me aware to be gracious toward one lady who I am working with who is bitter over the divorce. It’s sad and I am sad when I am around her too. Such is life on this journey.

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