Category Archives: children

What I Miss About My Daughter

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Happy birthday to my daughter! Yes, I miss her, but I’m happy she’s living near my son and DIL, has her pug Waffles and a job she enjoys.

I wrote this when we dropped our daughter off at college several years ago. Now that she’s living in the adult world — I still miss these things about her. We were lucky to have her sheltering in place with us for a couple of months. That was one of the good things that happened in 2020 — not COVID-19 and being locked down — but getting the chance to spend time together.  

excited child at the beach
Kat at Carpinteria State Beach on a camping trip.

We took our daughter to college two weeks ago. She looks really happy in the photos posted on FB and Instagram. She’s made new friends, is enjoying her team and coaches — and likes her classes.

My life is busy with new and old projects. But, I notice a quiet, a sort of waiting sense, that I didn’t feel before. It’s the little things about her that I miss.

close up of swimmer swimming butterfly
Kat swimming

I miss her cracking my back. She would give me a hug, tell me to relax and say, “One, two..” and lift me up in the air before she said three. The result was cracking, popping relief.

I miss her making me laugh. Kat is funny. I love her little half smile when she knows she’s especially clever. And the crinkles around her eyes when she laughs out loud.

I miss her cleaning out my wallet and organizing it for me. She’d say, “Mom your purse is a gateway to hoarding.”

I miss her walking through the kitchen door after her morning workout asking me to make her eggs. I don’t have anyone to make eggs for right now — except my husband and me — and we rarely eat them.

I miss her cat Olive walking on the skinny end of her four poster bed while she watched Netflix on my laptop.

precious baby kitten
Baby Olive

I miss when she was very young and called yellow “lallo.”  When we’d go to the beach, she’d strip naked as soon as her suit got wet. I used to bring a bag full of swimsuits for her.

Kat in a dry suit at the beach with big brother Robert.
Kat in a dry suit at the beach with big brother Robert.

I miss going to the pool and watching practice, chatting with the other swim parents. That was a luxury that I took for granted.

Yes, I miss her and I hope she knows how much I love her. Happy birthday!

Kat making an entrance into the room.
Kat making an entrance into the room.

What are the little things you miss the most about your kids who have left home — or friends you no longer see very often?

Where do ideas come from?

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A flow chart my daughter made for me after she proofread an article I wrote for SwimSwam.

Shout out to Ally Bean of The Spectacled Bean for her post yesterday. It inspired me to write about where we get our blog ideas, plus reminded me of the flow chart above that I used in an article called “Does Your Child Want to Swim in College” for SwimSwam. Ally had a flow chart in her post called “Is it a penguin?”

I used to write a weekly sports parenting column for SwimSwam. I came up with an idea every week for five years from my personal experiences, parenting mistakes, plus observing other parents with their kids on the pool deck. I’d get ideas from coaches and interview Olympians and coaches. I even got emails from parents around the world asking me for advice, which started a Dear Abby-type column called “Ask Swim Mom.” I began swimming myself and would ask my coach for ideas while I was hanging onto the wall. I’d ask my daughter to read my columns before turning them in and she had great advice (like adding her flow chart).

Swimming is a sport that lasts 50 weeks a year with practice six days a week, with a couple two-a-day practices thrown in per week. You can imagine how obsessed and focused swimming families can become. My goal with my column was to let kids be kids and own their own sport. In other words, parents need to back off.

Now, that my kids have left the nest, I no longer have the desire to write about swimming or parenting. I began my blog writing financial advice for women. I realized within a few weeks that nobody wanted to read that. Then I moved on to swimming, parenting and things that were going on in my day-to-day life. I’m still writing about my daily life, but life has slowed down. Sometimes my posts are photos of birds from my Bird Buddy or sunrises and sunsets.

Where do you get your ideas for blogging?

How has your blog evolved through the years?

Trouble in WordPress land

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I’m frustrated because I planned to post beautiful sunsets for this post. I clicked on the block called “image” and got this message: “This block has encountered an error and cannot be previewed.” It’s not previewing I’m concerned about — it’s posting a photo!

I’ve tried everything suggested after I clicked on help. Live chat is now down. I’ve emailed help and got a response that somebody will get back to me. In the meantime, if you want to see my sunset photos, look at https://www.instagram.com/e.a.wickham/.

According to one of my friends who moved from Palm Springs to Arizona 10 years before us, it’s Sunset Season.

I didn’t know there was a season for sunsets, did you?

Before we moved, we’d visit a friend here who introduced me to my husband almost 40 years ago. The friend and I were from Seattle. My husband came up to visit said friend in Seattle and we were introduced. The rest is history.

Our friend moved to Scottsdale five or six years ago and invited us to visit. We’d stay in his casita and really liked it out here. I couldn’t believe the sunsets for one thing. I wonder if it was sunset season?

The plan was to move here after my husband retired. But then COVID hit and my husband was working remotely. Real estate prices in Palm Springs were going through the roof and hubby felt it was time to make our move — because if he could work from home in Palm Springs, he could work from home in Scottsdale.

At first I was against the move. I loved my old Spanish Colonial home downtown Palm Springs. We were two blocks from restaurants and shopping. We had raised our kids in that home and lived there for 28 years. Our kids promised to never talk to us again if we sold the house. The realtor gave us a price to sell and I (not wanting to sell) insisted on raising the sale price by 40% and told my kids NOBODY would pay that much for our 1930s house that needed work.

To my surprise, we had four offers in four hours — two over asking — and one of those with “no inspections.”

So here we are in Arizona, three years later, enjoying the Winter Sunset Season. Oh yes, the kids got over it. They are speaking to us.

Is anyone else experiencing glitches with WP?

Have you thought about moving your home or blog from WP? If so where would you go?

A Merry Little Christmas

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Beautiful Christmas present we received from my husband’s assistant. It’s of my son and DIL on their wedding day this Fall.

Our Christmas didn’t go as expected. I got sick. I’m still sick. I have a headache, low-grade fever, congestion and cough. I am miserable.

I called our friends we were supposed to join for prime rib dinner along with their four kids, spouses and sister and husband. I could barely squeak out my words and ended in a coughing fit.

No, they didn’t want me around.

So far, my husband is fine. Knock on wood.

My daughter was exposed to COVID her last day at work before her break. She was supposed to spend Christmas with her brother and sister-in-law (photo above.) She instead had to isolate.

My son and his wife stayed home alone for Christmas, because she is halfway through chemo and did not want to catch any bugs. It would delay her treatment if she did. I’m not sure that went over well with other family members, but their priority is her health.

All in all it was a sad little Christmas.

Here are few highlights from staying in bed:

Christmas Eve I watched “Meet Me in St. Louis” after my son said he introduced it to his wife for the first time. I love that movie. There’s one point in the movie where the husband comes home with a lavender tin of chocolates and the wife says “Oh! Louis and Sherry!” That was a chocolate and ice cream company that one of my husband’s clients owned. I had the lavender tin on a shelf in my kitchen in Palm Springs, because it’s so pretty.

Once when my aunt was visiting us in Palm Springs, my son asked if she wanted to watch TV with him. He was five or six years old. He turned on “Meet Me in St. Louis.” She was pleasantly surprised because she thought she’d be watching Barney.

I finished reading a book “Bees Don’t Get Arthritis” by Fred Malone, copyright 1974. A friend loaned it to me in August and called to ask when she could get it back. It’s interesting about how many doctors from the 1930s on treated arthritis with bee venom or honey with pretty good results. Many doctors tried to get it approved as a legitimate treatment after having held trials, but somehow it never made it mainstream. Maybe big pharma doesn’t want something so simple?

I watched the mini-series “Black Cake.” I have one episode left. It’s very good but doesn’t follow the book exactly. I wrote a review of the book HERE. It hasn’t added things, but the TV version put more emphasis on things than I felt was necessary from the book.

I finished Lisa See’s “Peony in Love” which I’ve struggled with. The ending picked up. Then I started reading this one:

Because I’m not feeling that well, I put down the book above and used Audible to start Ann Patchet’s “Tom Lake.” I’m really enjoying it and I can lay in bed and listen.

What were some highlights of your Christmas?

How do you decide if you have a cold, flu or COVID — besides testing for COVID?

Have you been sick this winter?

Beware a Nasty Bug

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Me and my babies
My son, at almost three, and newborn daughter at home after an exciting week.

We were on the phone yesterday with friends who mentioned they are going to get the RSV shot. They have a friend who got RSV and said it was way worse than COVID.

My husband mentioned that our son had RSV years ago.

“No it’s new,” our friend said.

“The vaccine is new,” I explained. “But when I was one week from having our daughter, my son got RSV.”

Then I told him the story. The mere three letters of RSV brought back memories.

My son was sick. I had an appointment in the afternoon with our doctor. Our son began a high-pitched wail that morning.

My cleaning lady/babysitter was in my home. Her children were high school aged. She told me to go to the doctor ASAP. I patiently explained that I had an appointment at 2 p.m. I would go then.

“Now. Go now!”

We were only a few blocks from the doctor’s office which was across the street from the hospital. My son’s high-pitched wail was accompanied by blue lips.

The doctor tried an inhaler, but my son was too young for it to work. I was told to go to the hospital. The doctor told me not to stop at check-in. The pediatrics unit was waiting for us.

“It’s RSV and that is a very serious illness,” the doctor who was usually so funny and personable said in a grave voice.

I walked into the hospital and headed towards pediatrics. I was more than eight months and three weeks pregnant at the time, and was swiftly tucked into a wheelchair and pushed toward OB/GYN.

“Not me. It’s my son.”

Within minutes in pediatrics my son was put in a tent, which must have given him oxygen and the medicine the inhaler would have administered — if he was older and could use it.

I spent the weekend in the hospital with my son. I wouldn’t leave his side. I remember it took three nurses to hold him down to administer medicine and the nebulizer. They called it the monkey machine to get rid of the monkeys in his chest.

My husband made calls to friends that we were in the hospital. My neighbor who had to agreed to babysit while I gave birth ran over. My husband explained it was Robert, not me who was hospitalized.

My son got tons of medicine and they took good care of him. They put my husband, me and our son in a room with another toddler and parents. You can’t imagine how thrilled I was to learn the other toddler had Norovirus. They weren’t thrilled to be with our RSV toddler, either.

Our doctor explained that RSV was not to be taken lightly and it was a precursor to asthma. Ever since that weekend, my son has suffered with asthma, got sick throughout most of his childhood until he became an adult. He’s had an emergency inhaler and been on other meds. That nasty bug was life-changing for him and for us, too.

Do you know anyone who has had the RSV virus? What is your experience with it or any other childhood diseases for you or your children?

On a happier note, have a wonderful weekend and Merry Christmas! 💕

Riding with a philosopher

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The Oceanview Diner’s outdoor seating where we had breakfast our last morning in Berkeley. It used to be known as Bette’s and is an iconic and delicious restaurant. Here’s an article about the reopening of the restaurant and name change.

“I am a happy person internally,” our Lyft driver said on our ride back to the hotel after meeting our kids and DIL for breakfast on Fourth Street in Berkeley. “If things external are out of my control, I don’t let them unhappy myself.”

Our driver was from Nepal and I felt like I was listening to an ancient philosopher.

He talked about how family was the most important part of his life. How he wanted to raise his children to be respectful and good people. He was concerned about the cost of living in the Bay area and the schools. We told him about Arizona and he was filled with questions.

We told him it was an affordable place to raise a family. He’d have to look closely at schools because depending on the town and neighborhood, the schools can vary.

Then my husband added, “It gets really hot there in the summer.”

“Look at your five fingers,” the driver said. “They are not all the same, but you accept them as they are.”

Wow. That hit me. Not everything is all good or all bad. Nothing is the same.

Another driver we had from the airport to our hotel was from Nigeria. He explained that they lived on $5 a day there and didn’t have running water.

“It’s a third world country. You have to haul your water into the house each day. People here don’t realize how fortunate they are,” he said.

Have you learned valuable lessons from people of other cultures? If so, what have you learned?

View of the hotel. The door below tower is the carriage entrance. I never got a photo of the main entrance!

Historic weekend

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We spent the weekend in the Bay Area and stayed in this hotel built in 1915. It’s only a few miles from where our children live and our first time venturing inside. The beauty and grandeur made me feel I had stepped back in time.

During our weekend, we spent time with our kids, our daughter-in-law and her brother. We shared meals outside along with walks. It meant so much to me to see them in person. Although we couldn’t hug due to our DIL’s chemo treatments, we gave fake hugs several feet away and shared our love.

We also joined a friend’s celebration for his 75th birthday. It was an event with people from his childhood, high school, college, business and retirement days. His adult children and friends gave moving tributes along with laughter from their memories. I’m so pleased we were included in the celebration.

I think it’s more important to spend time with those you love than where you stay, but I’m sharing photos from our historic accommodations because it stirred memories. One of my favorite places as a family growing up were weekends at the historic Empress Hotel in Victoria, B.C.

Christmas displays in the lobby of the Claremont Club and Spa.

View of the San Francisco Bay from the hotel grounds. This was taken when we arrived our first night.

I loved the festive Christmas lobby decorations.

View from the coffee shop that looks out over the bay to San Francisco. We had breakfast there on our first morning and cookies in the afternoon.

The view of the tower at night.

From the hotel’s website:

Situated on 22 acres in the East Bay with breathtaking views of San Francisco, Claremont Club & Spa, A Fairmont Hotel seamlessly blends its rich history with modern resort amenities for an unforgettable retreat. The imposing Tudor Revival-style palace nestled in the hills is a magnificent landmark that dates from 1915, but it’s the extensive wellness facilities that secure its top spot among the best hotels in Berkeley.

https://www.fairmont.com/claremont-berkeley/

A tile mosaic of the hotel in the Ladies’ Locker Room next to the jacuzzi, steam room and sauna.

Sunset from the hotel parking lot looking from Berkeley over the Bay to San Francisco.

Have you stayed in or visited historic sites? Where were they?