Life is better with friends

Santa Barbara Harbor

“All right mates! Let’s go.” Rob, an Aussie, called out to us when we parked in front of an apartment complex in Santa Barbara.

We jumped into his car without unloading ours. Off we went to the harbor where he said his wife Debbie was waiting for us on their sailboat.

That’s the first time I met the couple who would become our close friends. It was “BK” before kids — and around 35 years ago. My husband and Rob met on the East Coast training with a large brokerage firm. They had hit it off and decided we all needed to get together once they returned to California.

On the boat, Rob shouted orders like “Skirt the jib!” “Ready about!” or “Trim the main.”

My husband and I were expected to jump in and help, but we didn’t now what to do. Debbie showed us “the ropes” and how to respond to each command.

Years before, I had taken sailing at the University of Washington in college with my brother. We were in a small sailboat and I remember getting hit in the head by the boom. My earrings popped out and a clump of hair ripped out of my head onto the boom as we “came about.” I had a small amount of experience — which was more than my husband had.

We soon learned that this was not a leisurely sail. We found ourself in a Santa Barbara Yacht Club race!

That weekend was the beginning of years of friendship. In the early years, we visited them and stayed in their apartment because they were too busy to visit us. Rob left the brokerage business and they opened a savory Aussie pie shop that sold hand-held pies about the size of hamburgers.

My favorite pies were scallop and cheese, spinach and feta — and best of all — Shepherd’s pie. The pie shop was the first of several entrepreneurial businesses.

I remember one afternoon driving to a beach for a picnic. We got stuck in traffic that wasn’t moving. They pulled off the road and set up a picnic on a red and white checkered tablecloth with smoked oysters, tomatoes, cheese, crackers, and a bottle of “cab sav” in a field dotted with cows in the far off distance.

Time spent with Rob and Debbie is always an adventure. I can’t wait to see them in August on our vacation.

My husband and me on our friends’ sailboat decades after meeting them.

Rob at the tiller with Debbie.

Fred and Honey, our friends’ Galahs. Rob had to give up his Australian citizenship to bring them to the U.S.

How did you meet your close friends from decades ago? Do you stay in touch today?

“Do good. Be good. We’ll be doing good.”

Every August we’re at the beach. I can look back through my facebook or instagram posts and see photos from the same location this week for the past six or seven years. Before that, we were at Laguna Beach — an entirely different beach, but still… While I’m finally relaxing into “beach mode” here’s a look back at what I wrote in August 2015:

My son learning to dive with the swim team.
My son learning to dive with the swim team. He’s third from the right.

“Do Good. Be Good. We’ll Be Doing Good.”

This was the recorded message our son made for our answering machine when he was four years old. I saved that for years. It was on our landline, which is now non-existent, or I’d probably still be using it.

What a thoughtful thing for our young son to say. My husband and I adopted that saying as our family motto. We repeated those word often to each other and to our children.

A walk on the UCSB campus during our vacation.
A walk on the UCSB campus during our vacation.

I try to do good. Be good. Some days it’s a bigger struggle than others. But, it’s something to think about, too. What are we doing with our lives? Are we making a difference? Is the world a better place because we are in it? Are we being good to each other? To strangers? To family and friends?

A lot has to do with our outlook. I’m definitely one of the “glass half full” types. I try to look at the positive and stay away from those who are negative. Turning on the TV can put you into negativity land. I truly believe that we can stay positive by removing negative influences around us. Turn off the TV. Listen to music. Read interesting books and essays. Swim! Like Ray Bradbury said, “Garbage in, garbage out!”

My kids at the age when my son recorded the voice mail message.
My kids at the age when my son recorded the voice mail message. Vacation pic from years ago.

After spending a week in paradise—otherwise known as Carpinteria, CA—I look back on our vacation as perfect. We have great friends who live there who inspire me. I always come home with so much energy from being around positive, hard working entrepreneurs.

Also, my children spent a bit of the week with us. What a treat that was for me! With two college aged kids, having them together was priceless. We rode bikes, hiked, swam in the ocean, sailed, shared meals together. It’s hard to leave them, but I’m so thankful for the time we had together. That’s my glass half full talking as I sit in my lonely, quiet house once again.

Our main mode of transportation on our vacation.
Our main mode of transportation on our vacation.

I’m proud to say my kids look truly happy. They are definitely doing and being good.

My kids and friend.
My kids and son’s girlfriend.

What good things are you doing today? Is your glass half full or half empty? Can you give an example of your outlook and how it affects your day?

Here’s a link to a swim parenting article I wrote. It’s about Teagan O’Dell, an up and coming swimmer, who broke a second National record of Missy Franklin’s. It’s from her mom’s perspective: Marni O’Dell on Raising Teagan.

Remembering a perfect day for a sail

I like to look back on what I was doing during the same week on another year. This looks so wonderful. I’d love to be sailing in Santa Barbara this week. Instead I’m sheltering in place and it’s 108 degrees outside in Palm Springs. So, looking back at the photos and videos will have to do. Soon, we’ll be back and on that boat with our good friends, I hope.

On the lookout for Humpback Whales.

On the lookout for Humpback Whales.

Sunday was a perfect day for sailing. I went with my daughter, who’s home from college for a short break, and our friends—who own a sailboat. They live near Santa Barbara, and as an Aussie, Rob sails in and out of his slip at the marina, and the first time I went sailing with them, we were in a regatta. So, he’s very good at sailing.

I’m a fair weather sailor. I like a gentle breeze, sunshine, and no waves. The weather was perfect. We watched as 14-footers raced, brightly-colored spinnakers hoisted, gliding over a glossy sea.

A couple of the 14 footers with spinnakers racing by.

A couple of the 14 footers with spinnakers racing by.

Then, we spotted a dolphin. Then tens of dolphins. Soon the boat was sailing with dolphins leaping all around. Several were playing and cruising along the bow. There were dolphins leaping in all directions, tens upon dozens of them everywhere!

Then they slowed down and turned around.

We watched pelicans and gulls dive into the ocean.

Then–the spray of a whale blowing. The broad humped back, then the tail. WOW! We all yelled together. Soon we spotted whale number two. Then three. We were being treated to a pod of humpback whales.

A whale's tale.

A whale’s tale.

We spent the next several hours on the lookout for whales. After the tail goes straight up the whale dives. It was incredible to hear their loud gasp for air as they filled their lungs with oxygen before their dive. They hold their breath and stay submerged for at at least five to ten minutes. We would wait patiently, scanning the sea for a sign of the blow, and the back breaking the surface.

What a truly amazing day. How sad I was the following day to hear about the oil spill.

Here are more dolphin photos. These are from my friends with the sailboat on a recent sail they had from Santa Barbara to the islands. How I wish I had been there. IMG_4906 IMG_4912

Dolphins having fun with the boat.

Dolphins having fun with the boat.

Two dolphins at the bow. Photo by Debbie Gardiner.

Two dolphins at the bow. Photo by Debbie Gardiner.

Reflections during sunset at the Santa Barbara marina.

Reflections during sunset at the Santa Barbara marina.

Here are the latest photos from my friends from their June sail to “the islands.” Photos by Debbie Gardiner.IMG_4947 IMG_4979 IMG_4961 IMG_4976

Friends caught in a freak storm in Santa Barbara Harbor

 

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A lovely evening after a Sunday sail–earlier this year.

 

Our good friends, Rob and Deb, were on their normal Sunday afternoon sail in and around Santa Barbara Harbor when a freak “microburst” hit. Read more about the storm here.

Rob grew up sailing as a young lad in Australia and he and Debbie are skilled sailors. The first time we visited them in Santa Barbara, we found ourselves in a yachting race—and my husband and I had no clue what we were doing.

Here’s Debbie’s account of their harrowing ordeal:

She said the clouds were white and puffy above the mountains and she remembered pointing them out to their three guests. She watched as they turned from white, to gray to black. Then, she remembers Rob pointing out a line of rain coming at them across the water. One of her friends said, “Look there’s more coming behind it!”

The next thing she knew they got hit by 80 mph winds and their boat fell over flat. At the time, Debbie was standing on the bow pulpit—that railing that extends beyone the bow. She said she was hanging on for dear life but was able to push herself upright while the boat was on its side.

During this frantic time, one guest fell overboard and the mainsail flapped around in the air and water.

Debbie said there was zero visibility with pelting rain, hail and wind and they had lost control of their boat. When the microburst hit, they were turning left into the harbor by the pier. Debbie’s thoughts were for the group of kids who had been sailing in the harbor. There were dozens of kids as young as 10 in a youth sailing group capsized and hanging onto the centerboards of their boats. Debbie was afraid they would run over the kids as their boat spun this way and that. She said they did hit a paddle boarder, who dove off his board to avoid them.

Unsure how long the ordeal lasted, she said Rob was able to gain control of the boat eventually and sail it with the jib since they had no motor power. They avoided hitting large yachts, the rocky breakwater and various other hazards. Debbie said the harbor was filled with floating items like shoes, umbrellas, boat cushions, ladders, etc. She wanted to get towed, but Rob said no, that they were okay and other people needed to be pulled out of the water and rescued. After the storm passed, they were able to dock at Marina One. Their overboard companion called and said he had been rescued by people in a dinghy and for some reason his cell phone was still working.

Rob, Debbie and their guests worked for the next hours cleaning up the mess inside their boat with it taking on water and everything tossed around. Later that night, Rob returned to their boat with their old mainsail and with the help of friends returned their boat to their slip. Debbie said her friends all said they’d go sailing with them again.

 

 

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Debbie and my daughter on a sail in August.

 

 

I’m so thankful they survived and that even though dozens of people capsized or fell overboard, everyone was well and accounted for. We almost joined them for the weekend but decided instead to escape the desert heat up at Big Bear rather than trekking to Santa Barbara on a holiday weekend and fighting traffic and the fire through Los Angeles.

Am I grateful for that decision, especially after hearing Debbie’s harrowing account of their afternoon sail! I don’t know if I could have stayed calm like Rob and Debbie were able to. When we drove home from the mountains on Sunday, we got hit by a flash flood in the high desert–at about the same time as our friend’s storm in Santa Barbara. I was so freaked out driving into blackness, thunder, lightning, and rain pelting down in buckets. We lost visibility and I was afraid we’d be swept away. And that was on a highway in a car—not out in the ocean on a boat! I think watching all the devastation in Houston has me hypersensitive to disasters.

My nervousness has been memorialized by Rob during a sail years ago in a video with me repeating in a frightened voice to my kids, “Here comes a wave!” The sea doesn’t back up my fear—it’s glassy and calm.

Like I said, I’m thankful my friends and everyone in Santa Barbara are okay!

Have you been caught in a storm or natural disaster? Did you stay calm?

 

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Rob at the helm, giving my daughter instructions in August. Below are dolphins we followed a few years ago.

 

 

 

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Debbie on the bow pulpit, exactly where she was when the storm hit.