Life is better with friends

Santa Barbara Harbor

“All right mates! Let’s go.” Rob, an Aussie, called out to us when we parked in front of an apartment complex in Santa Barbara.

We jumped into his car without unloading ours. Off we went to the harbor where he said his wife Debbie was waiting for us on their sailboat.

That’s the first time I met the couple who would become our close friends. It was “BK” before kids — and around 35 years ago. My husband and Rob met on the East Coast training with a large brokerage firm. They had hit it off and decided we all needed to get together once they returned to California.

On the boat, Rob shouted orders like “Skirt the jib!” “Ready about!” or “Trim the main.”

My husband and I were expected to jump in and help, but we didn’t now what to do. Debbie showed us “the ropes” and how to respond to each command.

Years before, I had taken sailing at the University of Washington in college with my brother. We were in a small sailboat and I remember getting hit in the head by the boom. My earrings popped out and a clump of hair ripped out of my head onto the boom as we “came about.” I had a small amount of experience — which was more than my husband had.

We soon learned that this was not a leisurely sail. We found ourself in a Santa Barbara Yacht Club race!

That weekend was the beginning of years of friendship. In the early years, we visited them and stayed in their apartment because they were too busy to visit us. Rob left the brokerage business and they opened a savory Aussie pie shop that sold hand-held pies about the size of hamburgers.

My favorite pies were scallop and cheese, spinach and feta — and best of all — Shepherd’s pie. The pie shop was the first of several entrepreneurial businesses.

I remember one afternoon driving to a beach for a picnic. We got stuck in traffic that wasn’t moving. They pulled off the road and set up a picnic on a red and white checkered tablecloth with smoked oysters, tomatoes, cheese, crackers, and a bottle of “cab sav” in a field dotted with cows in the far off distance.

Time spent with Rob and Debbie is always an adventure. I can’t wait to see them in August on our vacation.

My husband and me on our friends’ sailboat decades after meeting them.

Rob at the tiller with Debbie.

Fred and Honey, our friends’ Galahs. Rob had to give up his Australian citizenship to bring them to the U.S.

How did you meet your close friends from decades ago? Do you stay in touch today?

Life’s too short

Sunset in Puerto Penasco
Sunset in Puerto Penasco.

This week I went out to lunch with two graphic designers I used to work with when I was in public relations and advertising. I’m talking about the years before I had kids. My oldest is 30!

Last month, I met graphic designer #1 for coffee. She moved out here about 15 years ago. She lived a few blocks from me in Palm Springs. When I was moving out here, a fellow swim friend reminded to contact her.

I’m so glad I did. At the time, COVID was raging and we didn’t get together. But she sent me an email with lists of restaurants and grocery stores nearby. She also told me to keep my cat inside! She recommended the YMCA that is five miles from our house as a place to swim. All her help made our move easier.

This time for lunch, graphic designer #1 asked if it was okay if she invited another graphic designer from my past life. When I had my own PR firm, I felt a lack of loyalty from graphic designer #2. It was a work related incident that is meaningless now.

Today, I have a totally different perspective. I can see where I was at fault, or maybe I was reading something into a situation that didn’t exist. She may not even realize that I was upset!

I felt work that I created was mine — but in fact it belonged to the company who hired me. I didn’t have ownership, just pride in my work.

Amazing what 30 years can do for clarity and common sense.

The three of us had a delicious and leisurely lunch, caught up on decades past and agreed to make this happen on regular basis. I was so excited to see and connect with both my old co-workers and friends. They’ll add a great dimension to my new Arizona life.

Here’s to ongoing friendships, a sense of community, and understanding that life is too short to hold onto hard feelings.

What examples do you have where time has changed your perspective over your feelings or relationships?