My Less than Perfect Persona

IMG_8264

Riding the chairlift at Deer Valley with my daughter a year ago. I was nervous without wearing skis, but my growth mindset took over and I tried something new.

I’m trying to decide what to name my fixed mindset persona. I’m talking about that person who shows up and is judgmental and makes me feel insecure. This person is a  perfectionist who sometimes thinks I’m not talented enough.

Where did I get this idea to name my fixed mindset persona? From the last chapter of Mindset: the new psychology of success by Carol S. Dweck. The last chapter, “Changing Mindsets” offers steps for the journey of achieving a growth mindset. Step one is to “embrace your fixed mindset.” Step two is to become aware of what “triggers” your fixed mindset. Step three is to name that persona. Step four is to educate your fixed mindset persona and take it with you on the journey to the other side.

From the mindset online website:

Every so often a truly groundbreaking idea comes along. This is one. Mindset explains:

• Why brains and talent don’t bring success

• How they can stand in the way of it

• Why praising brains and talent doesn’t foster self-esteem and accomplishment, but jeopardizes them

• How teaching a simple idea about the brain raises grades and productivity

• What all great CEOs, parents, teachers, athletes know

In a fixed mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits. They spend their time documenting their intelligence or talent instead of developing them. They also believe that talent alone creates success—without effort. They’re wrong.

In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment. Virtually all great people have had these qualities.

Teaching a growth mindset creates motivation and productivity in the worlds of business, education, and sports. It enhances relationships. When you read Mindset, you’ll see how.

If you want to figure out what type of mindset you have, here’s a quick online quiz that will tell you.

One of the suggestions that Dweck has is to not put yourself down if you don’t live up to your expectations. She says change is hard and the old fixed mindset persona will raise her head from time to time. Bring her along for the ride, is one of her suggestions.

Like I said, I’m currently deciding on a name for my less than perfect persona who is a perfectionist and triggers self-doubt. One name that pops into my head is Gladys Kravitz from Bewitched. She’s the nosy neighbor who’s always seen peeking through curtains or windows to see what Samantha and Darrin are up to.

IMG_0951

Learning to dive off the blocks and entering a swim meet was a huge growth mindset moment for me.

What would you name your fixed mindset persona?

How do you encourage kids to be champions?

16266184_10212368415229283_398566466906218282_n

Junior Olympics third-place relay team.

The third time is the charm. The book Mindset, The New Psychology of Success by Carol. S. Dweck, Ph.D. Stanford University, was recommended to me three times. First, by a long-time coach, Tim Hill. Second, I heard about it in a webinar by David Benzel from Growing Champions for Life. Third, my son’s employer gave him the book on his first day at work and he said I had to read it. So, I finally did. I highly recommend that you read it, too.

Mindset is packed full of studies, research and entertaining stories about students, parents, teachers—and well-known musicians, coaches and athletes. In one chapter called, “Sports: The Mindset of a Champion,” I learned about the growth mindsets of tremendous athletes such as Michael Jordan and Jackie Joyner-Kersee. In another chapter called “Parents, Teachers and Coaches: Where do Mindsets Come From?” it described the differences in mindsets of two college basketball coaches—John Wooden and Bob Knight.

Dweck explained fixed versus growth mindsets: “In one world—the world of fixed traits—success is about proving you’re smart or talented. Validating yourself. In the other—the world of changing qualities—it’s about stretching yourself to learn something new. Developing yourself.

“People in a growth mindset don’t just seek challenge, they thrive on it. The bigger the challenge, the more they stretch. And nowhere can it be seen more clearly than in the world of sports. You can just watch people stretch and grow.”

Although people are usually a mixture of both mindsets, since mindsets are beliefs, they can be changed. We should encourage our kids to have growth mindsets because they will thrive in the long run by learning how to work harder and smarter. They won’t be afraid of a challenge and they will persevere.

If we constantly tell our kids how smart or how athletically gifted they are, we are giving them a fixed mindset. That means they will believe in their innate talent, and that hard work will label them as NOT talented. When things get harder, they will not rise to the challenge. They will lose interest or go back to finding something easier for them, so they can still be recognized as being a “genius” or “gifted athlete.”

What we should do is recognize our kids’ hard work. We need to tie in the process they go through to achievement. If we notice our children are working hard, but not achieving the success they desire, maybe they aren’t using the right strategies. We can help them try a new method.

The best teachers and coaches are ones with growth mindsets. They haven’t predetermined a child’s success. They treat all their students and athletes as important and they figure out a way to help each individual grow and thrive.

What is the mindset of a champion?

“It goes by different names, but it’s the same thing. It’s what makes you practice, and it’s what allows you to dig down and pull it out when you most need it,” Dweck wrote.

IMG_5008

Sectionals a few years later.

In what areas do you have a fixed or growth mindset? 

How a college kid made a career out of tweeting

Screen Shot 2018-06-13 at 12.30.45 PM

Our very own Waffles!

I’m a big “WeRateDogs” fan. Whenever I check out the Instagram or Twitter account, I always laugh. It’s a great break from 24/7 news and politics. It gives me a chance to relax and smile–and it’s an easy way to be entertained.

I read an article today on COISKI, which I’m figuring out is short for “Content Is King” about Matt Nelson, who was a college kid when he created the “WeRateDogs” brand. Not only does he have more than 6 million followers, he has published a book and other merchandise like mugs and caps. He’s releasing a calendar for 2019 and a 2020 one will be published, too. His merchandise can be found on his website or Amazon.

Here’s an excerpt from the article by John Zmikly:

How the Creator of “WeRateDogs” Built a 6+ Million Twitter Following

Matt Nelson’s love for comedy – not just doggos and puppers – motivated him to create the account and company

Three years ago in a North Carolina Applebee’s, former Campbell University student, Matt Nelson, tweeted about the “petability” of a Japanese Irish Setter who supposedly lost an eye in Vietnam.

Literally overnight – and several hilarious tweets later – Nelson’s @dog_rates Twitter account garnered about 500 followers. By the end of the month, that number grew to over 100,000. Little did Nelson know, his “WeRateDogs” Twitter account would change the direction of his life – and digital doggo culture – forever.

With over 6.9 million followers on Twitter today, @dog_rates has become one of the most successful pet-rating accounts on social media. But the brand reaches far beyond Twitter. Since his fateful Applebee’s tweet in 2015, We Rate Dogs has become a full-on brand, adding a merch line, publishing a recent Amazon best-selling calendar, and Nelson leverages speaking engagements and has even partnered with established brands, like Disney, to continue growing the brand’s powerfully loyal following.

I have sent in several pictures of my daughter’s pug Waffles and our RIP lab Angus. WeRateDogs posted the picture of Waffles above. I’d never seen so much action on my social media. Ever. When he liked my Angus pics on a Saturday when he features senior doggos, I received so many comments about our beloved Angus.

Screen Shot 2018-06-13 at 12.31.23 PM

This is a post from today.

I found it interesting that Nelson dropped out of school to pursue a career based on tweeting. I wonder what I would have said if my son or daughter did that? It has worked out well for him:

From Part-Time Hobby to Full-Time Career

A freshman at Campbell University at the time, Nelson had been going to school for professional golf management. But school soon took a back seat to his greater passion – digital media.

“I soon became obsessed with social and digital media and the creative outlet they offered,” said Nelson.

Not wanting to be “that guy” who created multiple parody accounts and stole other peoples’ content, Nelson said he truly became invested in the writing and humor aspects of content development.

“There are plenty of cute animal accounts out there, but from the beginning, I went out of my way to make my posts humorous, and to try to give the account a real personality. I think that’s what made We Rate Dogs so refreshing. I can’t argue that the pictures don’t drive the audience — they do. But I have developed a style that allows the image and the caption to lean on each other in a creative way,” he said.

Nelson has now made a career out of digital content creation, sometimes spending hours writing and reading tweets before they’re posted.

“I often laugh that I’m basically telling the same joke over and over again because every post has a caption, rating, and a comment. That’s it. But every word has intent behind it, and the picture and caption have to go hand-in-hand,” he said.

Community, humor and original content are just a few reasons the @dog_rates earns roughly 8,000-12,000 new followers each day. And they’re also why Nelson’s other endeavors, like his recent Amazon Best-Selling calendar – have been so successful.

But along with hard work, Nelson attributes much of his puppo prosperity to good fortune.

“My initial success has been just pure luck. The biggest thing for me lately has been the commitment to drop out of school and make the side hustle, the real hustle. It’s definitely new territory, but going “all in” has given me the chance to chase my passion. It was the right call for me.”

Nelson highlighted the importance of following a dream, though sometimes working a regular job or going to school may be required to see it through.

“The traditional path is not the only path. College isn’t always the next stop, and it’s definitely not the only path to success anymore. There are so many different roads. The field is truly even if everyone has internet access, and a little bit of creativity goes a long way as long as you don’t ignore that passion.”

Screen Shot 2018-06-13 at 12.32.18 PM

This is one of my favorite ones–and obviously other people liked it too.

Nelson has created his own vocabulary for dogs such as “puppers” and “doggos,” and his curse word “h*ck.” After I read WeRateDogs religiously, the doggo slang slipped into my vocabulary, too.

Another amazing thing about WeRateDogs is the sense of community. When someone’s pupper is sick or needs surgery, Nelson tweets and money and love pour in.

Does WeRateDogs brighten your day, too? Are there any Twitter or Instagram accounts that you love?

 

What are we “accidentally” teaching our kids?

 

16266184_10212368415229283_398566466906218282_n

10 and unders Junior Olympic relay medalists.

The “good enough” parent is a philosophy I read about today in a CNN article called “Screw up (in small ways) at parenting. It’s good for your kids” by David G. Allan. Here’s an excerpt:

 

“This is the theory psychoanalyst and pediatrician D. W. Winnicott’s called the “good enough” parent. Beyond meeting their basic needs, your children’s emotional growth and ability to cope with life’s frustrations is improved by small failures and them knowing you make mistakes. It’s useful for them to realize that life can be hard sometimes and nothing is really perfect. In other words, your shortcomings will help them emotionally thrive, and even develop into interesting people.”

I really agree with this philosophy, because nobody is perfect and we teach our children so much more by our actions than our words. It’s the concept of “do what I say, not what I do” that is messed up. For example, if we constantly tell our kids to be forgiving and welcoming to all their friends and then we talk behind people’s backs and are judgmental and unforgiving about the smallest slight, what are our children going to learn?

My kids really excelled at what they did whether it was sports, academics, leadership, etc. I’m a perfectionist and believe in putting forth your best effort, which they did. However, I don’t think my perfectionist traits helped them out so much now that they’re older. Do they really need to be the best at what they do? Or, like the article says, is it okay to be “good enough?” Maybe someone who believes they are “good enough” is well-rounded and happy? If I had a do-over as a parent, I think I’d take back my emphasis on performance and results. Not that being the best is a bad thing, but it’s okay to not be best swimmer on the team, or valedictorian or the one who brings home a wheelbarrow full of academic awards. It’s okay to learn from mistakes, not feel pressure and still be passionate about what you do.

Here’s another excerpt about the lessons learned from the CNN article:

“Are you accidentally teaching impatience? Or intolerance of people different than yourself? Are you teaching that it’s OK to yell or hit (read: spanking) when angry? Are you implicitly letting them know work is more important than family (read: checking your phone in the middle of a conversation)? Or that the world is a scary place? Or that life is inherently unfair? Or that appearance matters more than feelings?

“I unintentionally learned a lesson in selfishness growing up. My childhood was a bit unmoored and financially insecure and I got skilled at taking matters into my own hands. Being self-sufficient is positive (thanks, “good enough” Mom and Dad), but always meeting my needs before others is self-centered. But I’m aware that I could be modeling selfishness to my kids if I don’t strike the right balance between self-care and selfish.”

252950_178347325554945_2205981_n

My son and friend at high school graduation.

What’s your opinion about being “good enough” as a parent or a person?

 

Tips for You and Your Kids to Stay Ahead of the Curve

IMG_8947

Yesterday, I noticed an article that has been taped to our refrigerator for years. It’s been there so long, I’ve forgotten to take notice of it. It’s called “Stay Ahead of the Curve” and it was from Investor Business Daily’s 10 Secrets to Success. It’s so old that’s it’s turning brown and I cannot find it on the internet. If I could, I would repost the entire article.

My husband wanted to pass on advice to our two kids while they were younger and in middle school and high school. He thought this article about being organized and getting ahead could help them with their school work and busy schedules. Although the article focuses on the workplace, it applies to school or home as well. I wouldn’t have noticed it yesterday if not for the fact that we got delivery of a new fridge and it was time for the old one with the article on it to go.

Following are excerpts from the article written by Cord Cooper with advice from productivity trainer Kenneth Ziegler, author of “Organizing for Success:”

ONE
Forget working late at night

It saps your energy and can cause you to be less productive the next day. You go to bed with your mind racing—recounting the day’s events and planning the next and are less likely to get a restful sleep, surveys show.

Your best bet: Arrive early and be on time. This not only boosts productivity, but can also help achieve work-life balance.

To maximize productivity during the day, limit the length and number of meetings if possible. Also set aside time when you can’t be interrupted.

TWO
Make the most of Monday morning

“Get off to a fast start Monday, and chances are the rest of the week will flow better,” Ziegler said. “Don’t schedule meetings or conferences first thing on Monday morning. They will kill everyone’s productivity.” Instead. set the following week’s agenda during a Friday staff meeting, ensuring everyone hits the ground running Monday.

THREE
At home, start the night before

“Select what you’re going to wear tomorrow and iron it ahead of time (if needed). If you have children, prepare and pack their lunches that night. Set the timer on the coffeepot and put items you are taking to work by the door.” And fill the gas tank on the way home from work, not the next morning, Ziegler advises.

FOUR
Don’t overplan

“Studies show that the average person can (realistically) plan up to 50% of his day. We tend to underestimate on average, by (at least) 20 percent of the time a task will take,” Ziegler said. We also don’t allow for interruptions and unforeseen events. We then waste time fiddling with our daily planners.

FIVE
Nail down specifics
If your boss or client needs a job done as soon as possible, define what that means and when. You probably have several tasks, and getting more information on each will help you plan effectively.

I found these helpful and I wished I would have glanced at the article more than once in the past decade. I’m not sure my kids paid much attention to it, but it was right in front of them every time they reached in the fridge for a snack. I just talked with my son on the phone and asked him if he remembered the article. I’m pleased to say he did and he said he always gets ready for work, the night before.

What do you have taped to your refrigerator and what tips do you have to stay ahead of the curve?

 

img_8940-e1505842374869.png

The day we took our son to college.

 

4 Tips to Make Dreams Come True

IMG_8956Do you have a secret dream that you’ve been working towards for years? Or, maybe a dream you once had, but never reached? What’s holding you back? Why aren’t you moving forward? Do you feel stuck in your daily grind, with no time to finish that project, or follow your dream?

I’m reading a book that provides a strategy to make dreams come true.

It’s called “From Chump to Champ: How Individuals Go From Good to Great” by David Benzel. He’s an author, athlete and sports family coach. I discovered him on the USA Swimming website. He offers monthly webinars and has written books that are inspirational and helpful.

The Belmont Pool, where many dreams came true.

The Belmont Pool, where many dreams came true.

What I’ve discovered and learned so far from reading this book are the following four tips:

  1. Dream—Be specific about your dream. Like going to Olympic Trials. Please take note as a new Masters swimmer in my 50s, this is not my dream. It’s someone else’s dream, but a good one to use as an example.
  2. Goals—Set steps that you need to take to reach your goal. Say, if you’re a swimmer, and your dream is Olympic Trials, then you have a specific time goal. If you need to drop a second to get your cut, what daily things are you going to do to get there? Cut out junk food? Work on underwaters? Those would be specific goals to reach your dreams.
  3. Visualize—Use the theater of your mind to picture what it will be like getting your Olympic Trials cut. Make a movie in your head and replay it over and over all the way through.
  4. Belief—This is the hardest one for me. Get rid of that pesky voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough, or your dream is just a dream. “I’m not talented enough to make it to Olympic Trials. Other swimmers are stronger and taller than me.” Change the self-talk to positive. “I’ve worked hard my entire life for this. Nobody works harder than I do.” Reflect on all your accomplishments and the hard work you’ve put in. How you’re setting yourself up for success.

Step #4 is the one that 80 percent of us need to work on. It’s the last stumbling block we need to overcome before realizing our dreams.

Sunset at the beach.

Sunset at the beach.

Can you imagine what it would be like to face life fearlessly every day? Excited to reach your dreams? Carpe Diem! Let’s go for it!

Carpe diem.

Carpe diem. Photo by Debbie Gardiner