finals | bleuwater

My daughter, who is a freshman in college, is facing a lot of stress. It’s finals week coming up, plus she’s getting ready to move out of her dorm into a house with new roommates. Add to these stressors the fact that she’s gotten sick with a sinus infection and is struggling physically. That’s a lot to handle in one short week.

I offered to visit and be there for her. I don’t know what I would do for her, but somehow my presence might make some of this go away? She said she can handle it on her own.

My advice to her was to focus on her school work. Get lots of rest. Don’t get caught up in anxiety and drama.

Part of her stress is facing four finals to study for at once. It seems overwhelming. I gave her the following three tips to break it down and make it easier—after all, “how do you eat an elephant?” One bite at a time.

1. Block out time. Make a calendar, mark off the time for classes, meals, and swimming. Then you’ll get a clear picture of your available study time.

2. Take frequent breaks. Schedule your study time in half-hour to hour blocks. Drink plenty of water during your breaks.

3. Write by hand. Don’t type up notes. I found through my years of studying there is a direct connection between handwriting to the brain. This is anecdotal, but I could always remember things better when I wrote notes as opposed to staring at and reading, or typing them. I would take out a notebook, or note cards, and hand write everything I needed to know. It sticks in your brain.

I hope my tips help her, and that she makes it through the finals week in one piece.

What tips do you have for finals week?

My baby girl’s first Christmas photo made it on the cover of the monthly parenting magazine.

My daughter is coming home for Christmas break tomorrow. I’m excited and a little anxious. Her last final is today for her first semester of college out of state. I’ll admit that I stalk her on Facebook and Twitter. She doesn’t look like the same little girl who left for college in August. When I talk to her on the phone, she doesn’t sound the same, either.

I remember going to orientation with her last July at the University of Utah. There was one talk I especially liked, “Supporting your College Student” presented by Dr. Kari Ellingson, Associate Vice President, Student Development.

Ellingson said that during the freshman year our kids learn to become themselves. They will be grieving and letting go of high school friendships, but will build new and deeper ones. A main developmental issue is finding their identity. Their core stays the same, which has been developing over the past 18 years. But, how they express themselves changes. They may try on new identities by copying new friends to see how it fits or feels.

You may say to yourself, and hopefully not to your child, “Who the hell is this?” Then you meet their new friend, and say to yourself, “Oh, now I see who this is!” Which makes me wonder — who has the ear cartilage piercings (and now my daughter asked about getting one!) Why does she tweet that she wants to dye her gorgeous red hair brown? Is this why she’s best friends with a couple teammates one week and then inseparable with a new one the following week?

Thanks to Ellison, I can see she’s quite normal. I may not like it. But, she’s trying out new things to find out who she is. It’s going to be my job to not make a big deal out of the little things. I can’t keep her my little girl forever.

My daughter and teammates at JOs a while back.

My daughter and teammates at 2006 Junior Olympics.

This is what I have to say about finding out who you are: “To thine own self be true.” Don’t worry about what other people think. Do what you know is right. Be your own person. I’m afraid she’s working too hard to fit in. By being herself, she’ll fit in where she needs to be.

I am standing back and watching my little girl grow and develop into an independent grown-up woman. It’s not easy.

You can read more about the highlights of Ellison’s talk here and I wrote more about “To thine own self be true” in Three Things to Tell Your Daughter on Graduation Night.