Tag Archives: anger

Somebody was in a bad mood!

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View from my morning walk before sunrise.

“Don’t you use dividers anymore?” the cashier said to me with a grunt while I was waiting to check out at our local big brand grocery store.

The woman in front of me had just pointed out two items rung up on her tab that were not hers. My Tater Tots and loaf of bread.

The cashier looked agitated as she had to remove my two items off the other woman’s bill.

“You’re the one who removed the divider,” the woman in front of me told the cashier as she plunked her credit card on the reader.

Now it was my turn to check out.

The cashier, who I usually chat with and has only been pleasant, starting throwing my items into plastic bags. It was sloppy and filled with anger. The metal rack that held up her plastic bags fell down to the floor.

Angrily she slammed the bag holder repeatedly into the rack to hook it into place. She muttered to the employee who was helping her bag, “Take this or I’m going to throw it!”

The woman calmly replaced the bag holder and returned to placing my grocery bags into my cart.

“Can you believe this?” an elderly woman behind me said with her eyes.

When my groceries were rung up and I was paying, the cashier took the plastic divider and threw it down the conveyer belt where it slammed into two other dividers.

“Just because you’re in a bad mood doesn’t mean you have to take it out on us!” the woman behind me said.

“I didn’t say nothing to you!”

I pushed my cart away and the older woman who was behind said “Wait. I’m reporting this to the manager, please come with me.” We were out of hearing distance of our disgruntled cashier.

I hesitated because I knew the cashier’s attitude and actions were unacceptable, but for the past two years, she had been professional and friendly. I didn’t want to get her in trouble.

Another employee mopping the floor overheard the word complaint and said loudly with fear, “Complaint?”

The employee who was bagging in our lane ran over and said, “I’m the manager and I witnessed what happened to both of you. I have no idea what is going on, but I’ll pull her aside and talk to her.”

If you were in my shoes would you complain to the manager? What would it take for you to complain if you were at a restaurant or store?

P.S. I’ve changed my blogging schedule to Monday, Wednesday and Friday as of this week.

Needing some downtime

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Pink flower
The simple beauty of nature.

It’s been a few weeks since our vacation to Utah and I’m already feeling the need to get away. There’s something about the heat of the desert, being stuck inside because of 100-plus degree temperatures that gets to people.

I remember in my former life in Palm Springs that controversy always bubbled up mid-July to early August. Especially with our swim team. You take a bunch of over-involved parents who are competitive about their kids — put them on a hot pool deck — and you have a recipe for a few outbursts.

Once the former president of our swim team told me “Take this team and shove it up your A**!”

Then he walked off the pool deck with his kids and started his own team, taking about 30 or 40 swimmers with him. I stood in shock. As a board member, I had been in the middle of a power struggle between our coach and him. He wanted to be the coach and was actively trying to discredit our current coach.

It was an ugly episode in my parenting years. We noticed every summer around the same time things began to boil.

I don’t thrive with conflict. I try to avoid unpleasantness in my life.

Last week, a club meeting rivaled the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.”

A woman who I consider a friend acted horribly out of anger. I don’t know where the anger came from. But what should have been a nice night of having dinner and friendship turned into a battleground. I feel especially bad for the woman who opened up her home, prepared dinner and dessert for the club.

Now I feel caught in the middle. It’s a bad place to be. I want to get along. I am willing to give people a second chance and the benefit of the doubt. Even when they lose their temper and act badly. We are all human and make mistakes.

I’m going to distance myself from all these clubs for awhile until my emotions settle down. I can’t wait to get out of the heat and out of town, which is in a couple weeks.

How do you handle conflict? Do you forgive people for bad behavior or write them off?

Living With Uber Outrage in a Hyper Sensitive World

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Olive in an uncivil mood.

Olive in an uncivil mood.

I’m trying very hard to not get caught up in all the over-reacting that’s floating around. Have you noticed a lot of intolerance and anger lately? People seem to get upset and outraged over the littlest things. Like Halloween costumes. Waiting in line. Political opinions. Slow drivers.

Read about how I got yelled at by a total stranger here. 

How we handle little things and disappointments in life in a positive way can help us become better role models for our kids. It can also change our outlook and make a frustrating day, a better one.

imgres-4I think email, texting, twitter and social media in general can lead to misunderstandings and hard feelings. First of all, by emailing rather than having a conversation, a person can unload in ways they wouldn’t in person. He or she isn’t picking up on verbal and non-verbal cues. The conversation is totally one-sided without any give or take. We don’t have to bother with a discussion or to hear another person’s side of the story.

Online, have you read comment sections on a news or political story? If people can leave comments anonymously, look out! A snarky comment looks like an attaboy compared to the filth and nastiness you’ll read. People don’t tolerate differences of opinions and resort to name calling rather than debate issues. The anonymity of hiding behind a computer rather than facing someone is unleashing hostility and words that quite frankly are better left unsaid

imgres-3Have you ever texted someone or sent an email you didn’t mean to? Or, it went to the wrong person? How about thinking you hung up the iPhone, and you didn’t or pocket dialed the person, and they can hear your subsequent conversation?

It’s hard enough when you’re the one committing the faux pas and even harder when you’re on the receiving end.  Yikes. If this happens to you, take a minute and breathe. Realize you have a choice—how to react. You could get upset. You could make a big deal out of it and be confrontational.  Or, make the choice that it was mistake and no ill will was intended. 

I believe it’s a choice we can make on a daily basis. Take a deep breath when you’re behind a slow driver. When you’re waiting behind an elderly person trying to work the ATM or checking out at the grocery store. Don’t automatically jump on the uber outrage. We don’t have a choice on what is happening, but we do have a choice on how we react.

Baby Olive.

Baby Olive.

I think the best choice is to be “merciful.” This word popped up on my iPad yesterday. It’s not a word we hear spoken out loud these days—unless we’re sitting in a pew. In the everyday world it’s sounds old fashioned and is not practiced much.

I wasn’t quite sure of the exact meaning so I looked it up online at Merriam Webster:

treating people with kindness and forgiveness : not cruel or harsh : having or showing mercy: giving relief from suffering

I’m going to incorporate it in my everyday life when I feel the adrenalin or upset feelings start. I think if a lot more of us practiced mercy, our world would be a whole lot better.

We also need to keep in mind that our kids learn from our behavior. How we react to stress is most likely how they will deal with situations as they grow up.