Tag Archives: love and marriage

Happy Anniversary!

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My husband has been fighting this bunny because it eats our plants. But every afternoon bunny crawls under the chicken wire into the pot and munches away.

Yesterday was our 39th wedding anniversary. Really! I must have gotten married as a 10 year old.

For our outings together, we’ve been hanging out at doctors offices. I guess that’s to be expected after decades of marriage. It’s no longer spur-of-the-moment camping trips at the beach, or heading up to the mountains for a day of skiing.

Nope. My husband had cataract surgeries and the last few weeks I’ve been driving him to appointments and sitting in waiting rooms with a book. He did the same for me a few years ago when it was my turn for cataract surgery.

We had eight years of marriage before kids. Some of my earliest memories of life together were searching the sofa and our pockets for spare change. When we’d find a dollar, we’d buy three-for-one tacos at Jack in the Box. I ate Top Ramen every day for lunch. But those were fun days.

Then there were the busy days of raising kids. My husband was a super involved dad because he grew up without one. I’m not sure if our kids appreciated that or not. Then the kids grew up and started their adult lives. I’m grateful for how close we are with them. I love getting calls for no reason, but to chat while they’re out for walks.

These past years, our main activity together is our early morning hour-long walk (He’s been going alone because of my broken toes.) I can’t wait to get back to walking with him every day. It’s a quieter time in our marriage, but I love my husband as much or more than day one.

wedding photo
Thirty-nine years ago.

Here’s to 39 more years and happy memories!

What changes do you see in your marriage or relationship through the years?

Troubles in paradise

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husband and wife
Back when we were young — pre kid days.

Have you ever been around a couple who isn’t getting along? We have close friends who are going through a difficult time. When the four of us are together, you’d never know anything is wrong. We laugh, enjoy each other’s company and reminisce when we became friends before kids.

But when I’m alone with my friend, she confides to me that things are not all rainbows and sunshine. It’s been this way more than a year at least and seems to be getting worse.

I brought it up to my husband and he said he’s hearing similar things from the husband.

He wants to ignore it and enjoy our friendship. Compartmentalize it. Somehow it seems fraudulent, but I’m going along. I’m not a making waves type.

I feel like if my girlfriend is complaining to me and it’s that bad, why doesn’t she do something? Get counseling or stand her ground? Or, are they stuck in ugly relationship patterns? I do complain a bit about my husband, too. It’s something many wives do. I’m going to stop that because I see how it looks from the receiving end. But this feels different to me.

We’ve had two or three couples we’ve hung out with who got divorced. One divorce ended a relationship with one of my husband’s childhood friends, because after coming to my husband for advice, my husband confided that the wife made a pass at me! She did. Then my husband’s friend made up with his wife and they blamed US for their problems. Eventually they got divorced.

The other couple wasn’t as close to us and I realized that when we talked to the husband, he’d use whatever we said to attack his wife. So I kept my distance and my mouth shut.

I guess our single friends are easier to be around.

How involved do you get with your friends’ relationships? Have you ever offered advice that has come back to bite? Do you give relationships advice or avoid it? Have you been around friends who aren’t getting along?