Category Archives: UCSB

Are Tragedies on Campus the New Normal and Other Thoughts from a UCSB Mom

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ucsbFriday night, I had tucked myself into bed when the phone rang. It was my son — a student at University of California, Santa Barbara. 

“Mom! There’s a drive-by shooter. A guy in a black BMW is randomly shooting people in IV! We can’t get home. Everything’s on lockdown.”

This was not a call I was expecting. Nor, one I wanted to receive.

Saturday afternoon, he called again. “I just went to the store. We’re on lockdown again and I can’t get home.” 

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Friday night the lockdown was because of the shootings and crashing of the BMW. Saturday, the police were removing male roommates from the killer’s apartment building.

l followed the story closely on the news. It’s almost all I could do for most of the weekend. I don’t understand why there was a leap to call this a hate crime and a war on women — and the fault of the NRA — when three victims were males who had been stabbed to death. I don’t understand why it happened, or how it could have been prevented. I believe the rush to judgement was an attempt to try to make sense or find a cause for this horrific tragedy. ucsblagoon

My heart and prayers go to all the families at UCSB. It’s been a tough year. I think the great academic accomplishments of the school are being overshadowed by tragedy. There’s too much trauma for students to digest. I wonder how these events will affect our kids in their future lives? Read about the academic accomplishments of UCSB in the LA Times here.

Just a few weeks ago, I got a call from my son during the Deltopia riots. I wrote it about Deltopia here.images-5

Then, weeks before that I saw on the TV about a UCSB Women’s Studies professor denying a pro-life teenager her right to free speech by assaulting her and cutting up her poster. I wrote about that here.imgres-8

Add that to the weekly emails about a meningitis outbreak, and it hasn’t been a stellar year for UCSB parents, students, or the faculty.

The frantic fear in my son’s voice is not what I envisioned hearing. I am sure this is not isolated at UCSB, but must becoming more common at universities across our country. Is this the new normal for our kids? They aren’t experiencing the carefree college years that we did. Where did that world go?ucsbeach
Photos from the top: UCSB campus overlooking the lagoon. A view from a dorm room at UCSB. Across the lagoon to the ocean. A Deltopia party picture. The confrontation between the Women’s Studies Professor and teen-age pro-life advocate. The view of the beach from UCSB campus.

Are Name Brand Colleges Worth It?

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images-1This week kids are making last minute college decisions. Some are waiting on waiting lists to see if they get into their dream schools.

It reminds me of my son’s senior year. He applied to top tier big-name schools. He had high SATs, was valedictorian, an athlete, musician and school leader. We had visions of him having to make the tough choice between Harvard, Columbia, Stanford and Yale.

252950_178347325554945_2205981_nWhen he didn’t get into any of the big name schools, he was devastated. His disappointment came in part from his high school teachers. They looked down at the school that accepted him and felt he should have gone to a more prestigious school. How is a teenager able understand that his teachers don’t always have the best answers? My husband and I were sad for our son, but strangely relieved. How much is a brand name college worth? Is it worth $65,000 per year? $260,000 for four years?

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There are plenty of articles that take on one side or another of whether or not a brand name school is better than a state school.

In the end, my son went to the school that accepted him. He was sorely disappointed at first, but soon learned that there was plenty of education at the state school. It was downright challenging! Like most things in life, you get out of school what you put into it.

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I went to a state school, many of my friends and family went to state schools — and we managed to be content, happy and successful. From my cousin, who’s published numerous novels, to a high school friend that reached the top echelons of Nordstrom executives, to my brother who retired with millions in his 30s after a career at the top of huge corporation — they all went to state schools.

Education comes down to the individual  — the effort and choices made while in college — regardless of the school.

I wrote about College Costs —  a Lot! It does. Even for a state school, it can be plenty pricey. In California, the average cost of a UC school is $30,000 a year. For anyone, that’s expensive! Choose a school that fits your budget, offers your child’s area of study, and is a good fit for them academically.

If our son had been accepted into Stanford, rather than deferred, I wonder what we would have chosen for him? I’m thankful now that we didn’t have to make that choice.

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Top Five Things Parents Need to Know — When their Kids Go Off to College

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(Photo from the University of Washington, my alma mater.)

I’ve written about the top 10 things kids need to know before leaving for college. But, what about us? When our kids leave, it’s a drastic change in our lives.

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(View from dorms at UCSB.)

I remember driving my son to Santa Barbara and moving him into his dorm room. It was a big day for our family. I was excited, so happy for him. I was thrilled that he was ready to embrace his future. Personally, I loved college. It was a time in my life that I felt free, grown up, independent and ready to take on the world. I could identify with what my first born was going to experience.

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(The day we dropped Robert off at college.)

But, then we said our good-byes. It hit. Like a punch in the stomach. Then, the tears. Oh, my! I wasn’t expecting that. The drive home, my younger child, age 15, looked at me in horror. I was falling apart. Thank goodness for her riding in the car with me. I probably would have wailed like a complete idiot without her staring at me.

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(My son on our friend’s sailboat during orientation weekend.)

Now, I have a few months left before I face a totally empty nest. What did I learn the first time around to prepare me for this time?  I wish I knew some secret to make it easier.

During orientation, UCSB gave parents a few tips on how to parent your college kid. This is what I remember:

1. Give them space. Don’t hover, don’t call too often, never call before 10 a.m.

2. Set up a time to make calls on a weekly basis — and not more often than that.

3. Expect them to get homesick. It’s natural they will miss home-cooked meals, their own room, their friends, pets, and you!  Reassure them that this is normal. They tend to get homesick around six to eight weeks. It will get better. They’ll adjust. But, will you?

4. Be sure to send a few care packages. Their favorite cookies, toiletries, something to make them smile. Mid-terms and finals weeks are ideal times to mail care packages.

5. Take time for yourself! Write, paint, sew, take a yoga class. Do something every week for just you. Make a list of things you used to love doing, but through the child-raising and working years, haven’t found time to do. Make another list of things you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t. You’ll find your way.

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(The quilt I made my son out of his swim tee shirts.)

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 (My kids when I tried to get a picture of the two of them together during a visit to UCSB.)

 

Are the Rights to Party and Freedom of Speech at Odds at UC Santa Barbara?

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Fear and worry — my first two emotions when my son texted me Saturday night at 10:30 p.m.

He goes to University of California, Santa Barbara and was in the midst of Deltopia — a party turned riot. He said there were helicopters overhead, tear gas, and kids throwing bricks and liquor bottles.

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There’s been national news coverage of the event, and the campus paper also offers detailed coverage.

My third emotion was anger after I read an open letter from a student in defense of Deltopia.

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The student wrote the letter anonymously and said that students are “entitled to blow off steam” and “rage.” Really? ENTITLED? Am I forking over $120,000 plus in big bills for a “right to party?” Thank goodness it wasn’t my son that wrote that letter! I’d disown him. Plus, it’s poorly written. I expect more from my son.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about another national-attention grabbing UCSB story in “Is Freedom of Speech Dead on America’s Campuses?” A feminist studies professor, Mireille Miller-Young, destroyed the poster of a young pro-life advocate and accosted her. Miller-Young pleaded not-guilty to charges of theft from a person, battery and vandalism.

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There’s a petition at UCSB supporting Miller-Young and asking to censor anyone from handing out sensitive material on campus — because it may trigger uncomfortable feelings.

Here’s a quote from the petition:
“We also put pressure on administration and the Office of Student Life to reevaluate rules and regulations that allow outside community members to so heavily trigger and target students and faculty on this campus.”

Are you kidding me? The same students asking to remove freedom of speech from campus are now demanding their right to party!  Students don’t want to feel uncomfortable by a pro-life poster, but, it’s fine and dandy to drink and party at an event that ends with bricks and liquor bottles thrown at police? Has the world turned upside down at UCSB?

Fortunately, there are moments of sanity. I discovered a letter in the Daily Nexus from a student with concern about how their degree from UCSB can be harmed by the party school rep. Also, my son went to a town hall meeting with the administration and he offered a solution. He said administrators, professors and students are actively pursuing ideas to make UCSB a safe, sane place to pursue excellence in education.

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Do you find it odd that students demand the right to party? But don’t want free speech on campus? Let me know.