Before social media was a “thing.”

Today in USA Today, there is an article with practical, sound advice for parents about kids, smartphones and social media. In “When should a kid get their first smartphone? And other parenting questions of the social media age” Brett Molina interviews Scott Steinberg, author of the book “Parenting High-Tech Kids: The Ultimate Internet, Web, and Online Safety Guide.”

“You really need to help give kids the training and insights they need to make better decisions and to let them know they have safe places to turn when they need assistance, insight or help,” he said.

Meanwhile, kids are getting their first smartphone at younger ages. A 2016 study from research firm Influence Central found the average age for getting a first smartphone is 10.3 years old, down from 12 in 2012.

“We’ve got entire generations of kids who are growing up now with smartphones, online apps, and technology that is second nature to them. But we’ve done preciously little to prepare them for life in an always online and connected world,” Steinberg said.

One of the questions that Sternberg answered was, “If you had one piece of advice for parents about kids and technology, what would it be?” His answer was that we should be just as involved in our kids’ social media lives as all other aspects of their lives. I never thought of that before, but it makes sense because more and more of our children’s communication is done online. They chat with their friends, share thoughts and secrets–all online. They communicate through email with teachers. We should know what they are doing and who they are “hanging out” with.

Should we intrude on their online presence? It’s not their diary, but it’s something they are potentially sharing with the rest of the world. I was surprised to find out that one of my kids had tweeted a few things that were less than appropriate. This fact was pointed out to us by the swim coach. I was furious and embarrassed. At the time, I didn’t know how to use Twitter, or Instagram, or whatever other social media my kids were using. I only knew Facebook. It was a good lesson that my child learned before it was too late and real damage was done. I decided to keep an eye on what they were posting and got up to speed on the various platforms. Even the nicest kids may not understand what won’t look great to a future college coach, admissions or a boss. Sternberg said parents should do their homework and learn what apps their children are using.

My kids didn’t grow up with smartphones and I’m thankful for that. They got their first smartphones as teens. Often, I think our lives would be greatly improved if we tossed the smartphones out and returned to regular old phones that make phone calls and text only.

I liked it when life was less complicated and smartphones didn’t exist.

When do you think kids should get smartphones and how involved do you think parents should be in our children’s social media lives?

Resilience can be learned at the pool.

re·sil·ience
rəˈzilyəns
noun
1. the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
“the often remarkable resilience of so many British institutions”

2. the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
“nylon is excellent in wearability and resilience”

I’ve read several articles about resilience in the last few days and it is interesting to learn why some people bounce back after defeat or failure while others collapse. It’s also enlightening to learn how parents can help their kids become more resilient. It reminded me of a conversation with therapist friend, Nicolle Walters, R.N., PH.D., Clinical Psychologist. She said “I know it sounds contrary or strange, but kids who come from dysfunctional families and had to take care of themselves are more equipped to deal with everyday problems, compared to kids who had parents who did everything for them.”
For more of my interview with Nicolle read “The Instant Gratification Generation and Helicopter Parents” here.

That thought process is reflected in a Wall Street Journal article called “The Secrets of Resilience” by Meg Jay. Here’s an excerpt:

“What does it take to conquer life’s adversities? Lessons from successful adults who overcame difficult childhoods

“Does early hardship in life keep children from becoming successful adults? It’s an urgent question for parents and educators, who worry that children growing up in difficult circumstances will fail to reach their full potential, or worse, sink into despair and dysfunction.

“Social scientists have shown that these risks are real, but they also have found a surprising pattern among those whose early lives included tough times: Many draw strength from hardship and see their struggle against it as one of the keys to their later success. A wide range of studies over the past few decades has shed light on how such people overcome life’s adversities—and how we might all cultivate resilience as well.”

I don’t mean to say that we’re failing our kids by caring for them and creating positive, stable environments. No, I think that will help them become positive and caring people. But, if they haven’t faced any problems or adversity, it may be a wake-up call when they do. In “Raising Resilience: Parenting Tips that Go the Distance” a blog by Julie Gowthorpe, PH.D. in Hitched, she writes about “how to better prepare your child for the ups and downs in life, it’s good to let them experience struggle.” She has several practical tips you can read in her article here. In addition, I’ve quoted a bit of her article:

“Every loving parent wants childhood to be a positive experience for their kids. When it comes to parenting however, only focusing on the positive is problematic because it derails children’s ability to develop resilience. Resilience, the ability to bounce back from adversity, is extremely important when teens move off to college and face problems independently.

“Since many young people seem armed with a sense of self-importance and confidence, they present as able to conquer any challenge. Unfortunately, high rates of anxiety, depression and even suicide attempts in college-age students indicate that this is not the case.

“Deluded by the belief that children should be protected from uncomfortable feelings (such as disappointment and sadness), some parents and school systems have completely undermined teaching the importance of work ethic and perseverance. The importance of learning to ‘try and try again’ has been left behind for ‘everyone gets a trophy just for being you.

“The problem with the latter is that it breeds entitled thinking patterns and disrupts learning the natural link between effort, skill and success. Without understanding natural outcomes, later-age teens can be psychologically devastated when they experience failure. With no tolerance for the emotional discomfort, it is no wonder that their mental health spirals and academic success suffers.”

I look at my kids’ lives and they both struggled more in college than I’d expected. They were coddled pretty much at home, by me. But, I do believe they faced challenges in their own ways and weren’t completely without experiencing failure during their formative years. Also, I firmly believe competitive swimming helped them learn the life lessons of hard work, not giving up, shaking it off after a failure and getting back on the blocks to reach their goals. They both have grit, which I think is related to resilience. If they truly want something, they don’t give up in their pursuit.

My daughter giving it her all in the 1,650 despite having the flu at PAC 12s.

How do you view resilience in your own lives?