Category Archives: Seniors

When Kids Talk Trash About Your Daughter and You’re in an Earthquake Kind of Mood

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My daughter came home from school today and told me that one of her best friends overheard some friends talking trash about her in class. But, because we woke up to the news of an earthquake in Los Angeles, I’ll save the trash-talking story for another day!

Just last week, another swim parent and I said at the exact same time, “This feels like earthquake weather.”

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If you don’t live in California, you might wonder what earthquake weather feels like. We locals just know. You can feel it. It might be gray instead of sunny. The air feels heavy. There’s a weirdness that you can feel. Here’s the California government website disputing all I just said and what we “feel in our bones.” And your animals might be doing extraordinary things.

olivetpThe other day when the swim parent and I said that it felt like earthquake weather there was a 6.9 earthquake in Northern California. The next day, an earthquake struck an hour away from my son’s college. Then this morning, the one in Los Angeles.

I have an alert set up to my phone from USGS that reports big ones to my phone, in real time. The USGS website is a great resource to see what’s going on around the world. This past week looks like a “ring of fire” around the Pacific.

So far, though, the big one hasn’t hit us here in Palm Springs — where we sit on the San Andreas fault. Knock on wood.

And the fact that a supposed friend is talking behind my daughter’s back really puts me in an earthquake kind of mood.

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Here are three questions:

1. Do you believe in earthquake weather?

 2. What do you advise your kids to do when they hear someone is talking behind their backs?

3. What’s the largest earthquake you’ve experienced?

My Son Agrees With the Girl Who Sued Her Parents

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csfMy son called to tell me that he did great on his midterm for Differential Geometry. It’s a hard class he said. So hard that he spends 20 to 30 hours studying each week.

I am proud of him. And we had a great conversation on how he’s finally figuring out this whole college thing — until I brought up the girl who sued her parents for her private Catholic School tuition, expenses, and future college education. (her photo is below)

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I was sure my son would say, “What a jerk.”

We had a rough time his senior year and today he calls himself a jerk — looking back on how we interacted. (More on this in “My Son Wrote About His Crazy Mom for His Senior Project.”)

You can only imagine how I was shocked to hear him say that it’s “publicly accepted in our country for parents to pay for their kids college and that it’s her right.”

Where did we — or more importantly — I go wrong?

I read about how the judge called the high school senior “a spoiled brat.” I threw the argument at my son that the judge brought up — is it now going to be okay for a 12-year-old to sue their parents because he wants an Xbox?

My son said, “No, Mom. There’s a big difference between a college education and an Xbox.”

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I see these kids as part of the “occupy generation”  — spoiled, feeling entitled, like society owes them something. These are kids that all got trophies in t-ball for participation (I’ll write about that another time!)

Saving for 18 years for our kids to go to college was our choice. (Read my post “College Costs — A lot!”)

Going to college is a privilege, not a right. The “paid for college privilege” is earned through hard work in academics, sports, and being a valuable member of the family and greater community. I’m proud that my kids work hard. I’m just surprised that my son has a different world view.

Is my son an exception? Or do lots of kids believe that their parents owe them college? Ask your kids if they believe college should be paid for by parents. Comment below and tell me what they said.

What is Differential Geometry you ask? According to Wikipedia…

Differential geometry is a mathematical discipline that uses the techniques of differential calculus and integral calculus, as well as linear algebra and multilinear algebra, to study problems in geometry. The theory of plane and spacecurves and of surfaces in the three-dimensional Euclidean space formed the basis for development of differential geometry during the 18th century and the 19th century. Since the late 19th century, differential geometry has grown into a field concerned more generally with the geometric structures on differentiable manifolds. Differential geometry is closely related to differential topology, and to the geometric aspects of the theory of differential equations. The differential geometry of surfaces captures many of the key ideas and techniques characteristic of this field.

From the Los Angeles Times: An open letter to my kids about suing mom and dad.

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My Son Wrote about His Crazy Mom for His Senior Project

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“I had no idea your life was so difficult and that your mom was so ‘crazy.’ Your senior project made me cry.”

I found these words scrawled in a handmade card to my 18-year-old, valedictorian son, wedged next to the front seat of my car.

I couldn’t breathe. Then I howled. My beautiful first born. The little pee wee with the stocking cap and button nose who stared at me with huge eyes the day he was born. The toddler with white blond curls who called me “Sweetheart.”

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This stranger living in my house made his senior project about me? The horrors of living with me? After everything I had done for him? Years filled with volunteering as a room-mom, midnight trips to the ER for his asthma, driving to the Getty for field trips, opening our house for movies nights and spaghetti feeds. Me?

A friend with older kids warned me that the senior year “can be kind of tough.”

No kidding! I never dreamed how hard. I found myself at odds with this person, who used to be my best friend. I alternated between yelling, cajoling and pleading with him to finish college applications, meet countless deadlines and study for exams. No wonder he called me crazy.

The stress of applying for college proved to be filled with potholes, no, make that sinkholes — the kind that swallow entire houses and families. What to declare as a major, where to live, what to write for a personal statement are enough to stress out the calmest kid.

So what else makes applying to college so awful?  Try these numbers on for size:

• More than 3,000,000 high school seniors apply to college in the US — never mind the ones throughout the world trying to get into our top schools!

• The number of students who apply to seven or more colleges has grown from 9% in 1992 to 29% in 2011. 

• Yale’s applications doubled from 2002 to this year, topping 30,000.  Yale accepted roughly 2,000 in 2013.

• Harvard has nearly 35,000 applicants, 2029 admitted in 2013.

• Number of applicants for University of California Santa Barbara in 2013 was 62,413, They had 4,550 in the freshman class last year.

• UCLA is one of the most applied to schools in the country, with nearly 100,000 applicants, and they admit 15,000.

Between December and graduation, my son received eight out of nine college rejections –further making him love me, hate me, turn to me in need, and then reject me again. I could do nothing to help his torment. In the end, he accepted admission to his one school.

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Hang in there moms of juniors and seniors. When it seems like there is nothing you can do to help, take a deep breath.  Be there for support and offer advice if they ask for it. Love them, even if they are undeniably rude. Forgive yourself if you lose your temper.

I believe our kids take out their fears and frustrations on those they love most.

I am happy to report that two years later, the stranger living in my son’s skin has disappeared. I have a son who calls me the moment he finishes a final that he knows he’s crushed. He calls to ask how to cook chicken stir fry.  And he calls to say he loves me.

Photos: (top) My son during graduation. (second) a beautiful baby, (above) my son when he was at the age when he thought my name was “Sweetheart,” and (below) a view of my son’s university. Not too shabby, after all.

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