There’s something to be said for failure. I look back on my younger parenting days and realized I was interfering too much day to day. I wouldn’t let my kids face consequences or fail. I would rush to school with forgotten homework or swim suits. I talked to teachers about tests scores and homework grades that were less than perfect. What a pain in the butt I must have been–although I thought I had good relationships with teachers and coaches.
Without the chance to fail, we are robbing our kids the chance to learn from their mistakes. My son would sleep through his alarm and I’d wake him up for school on a daily basis. My dad advised me to let him be late for school and he’d learn. I wasn’t sure he would learn, so I always woke him up and got him going.
In an article on the NBC Tulsa 2 website called The Effect of ‘Snow Plow’ Parenting by Travis Guillory, I learned some statistics that show the negative effects of rescuing our kids from failure.
TULSA — We’re taking a look at a new trend in parenting styles called “Snow Plow” parenting, where these parents make a clear path for their kids with no obstacles.
Experts say it could be setting them up to fail.
So we’re showing you the impacts of being a “Snow Plow” parent and why taking a step back, may be your best move.
You may have heard the term helicopter parenting, even lawnmower parenting, now we have “Snow Plow” parenting.
Child Development Expert Katey McPherson says, “It’s a newer term, snow plow parenting where they are just plowing through everything for them.”
6th Grade English Teacher Jordan Madura says she sees it constantly.
Madura says, I’ve definitely had times when I’ve spoke to a parent and the parent is like I don’t understand why this test has to be this way, like isn’t there a way that you can postpone because of x,y, and z? Asking for more things that I would expect that the kid could ask for.”
McPherson says whether it’s helicopter, lawnmower or snowplowing parents, all of it based out of fear.
“We really are afraid of the world, this is an unsafe place, so I’m going to hunker down, I’m going to protect my babies. I’m going to carefully engineer play dates, club soccer schedules, junior high, high school path to college etc.,” says McPherson.
And how exactly does it affect our kids, take a look at the numbers:
- 30 percent of 18 to 34-year-old men are living at home with mom and dad
- Getting a driver’s license and driving is not a priority
- And many times after their first year of college, they come back home, for good.
“They don’t have the life skills to deal with a mean roommate or a mean professor,” says McPherson.
Educators and experts say the same thing: Failure is and will always have to be part of success.
There’s an interesting book called “Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success” by John C. Maxwell that is helpful in this area. Failure and mistakes are certainties in life. It’s how we react to failure that counts. Successful people move on and learn from mistakes. We should look at failure in our children’s lives the same way. Everything and anything can be a learning experience. Let our children learn and grow. Perfectionism can be stifling to growth.
Now I’m trying to let go of my adult children and allowing them room to fail.
What types of failures have your children experienced and grown from?