This photo was from my daughter’s last PAC 12 championship swim meet in Federal Way, Wash. It’s a ball pit in the lobby of the Natatorium for photo ops. Every year, they had something different to pose with. I’m sitting at the top right, not in the ball pit, because I’m wearing a brace after wrecking my knee skiing. This group of women were my compadres at the University of Utah — all proud swim moms of Utes.
Last week I was surprised to see an email with the subject line: “Swim Mom Advice.”
That brought me back to the roller coaster days of being a swim mom. Both my kids began swimming with our local club team at an early age. My son swam through high school, my daughter all four years of college.
A woman was emailing me for advice about her daughter who was a swimmer in college. No, I didn’t recognize the name. I have never met her. Nor, do I know who her daughter is or where she goes to college.
So why was she emailing me?
I used to write a weekly swim parenting advice column for SwimSwam, the world’s most read swim site. You can look at my stories HERE. I have a page for them on my blog.
For my column, I read sports parenting books and websites from “real” sports parenting experts. I also listened to podcasts. Although I used first-hand stories, I actually did homework and didn’t just write things off the cuff.
After a couple years, I started getting emails from swim moms sharing specifics about their children, coaches or teams. They wanted my advice. I turned this into a feature called “Ask Swim Mom” which I rotated into my weekly column. One thing about writing for SwimSwam, I got a lot of comments — some good, some downright vicious. For my “Ask Swim Mom” column a common comment was to stop making up stupid questions. That wasn’t true. I was flattered people emailed me.
I started writing for SwimSwam after interviewing for a managing editor job. The job turned out to be weekends and evenings — covering big swim meets — and not for that point in my life. But I did submit a story I wrote about being a swim mom. The founder and CEO of SwimSwam called me. He told me that if SwimSwam were a movie, they had a cast of characters, but no one to play the role of “Swim Mom.” He was casting me!
What was the email about?
There are lots of changes in collegiate swimming. I think it’s due to trickle down of NIL from football and other big money sports. Swimming loses money. It takes a lot of money to fund a pool. Consequently, rosters of swimmers are being cut at many teams. This swim mom said that swimmers were being cut, but not her daughter. Some of her daughter’s roommates and best friends were out. People including moms weren’t speaking to each other. I can only imagine how hard that would be for all the parents and swimmers — those who are staying have survival guilt. Those who were cut are devastated.
In any case, it felt good to be a swim mom again for a day. I replied to her email and asked my daughter for her advice and included it, too.
In the end, my daughter transitioned from swimmer to swammer and became a working adult. Of course, COVID shut downs had a lot to do with it not being easy. My swim mom days were over and I thought to myself, “Who would want my advice anyway?” Hence the end of “Ask Swim Mom” and my weekly column for SwimSwam.
What time in your life do you look back on and miss — or not miss? And why?
I’m glad that that mom turned to you for advice.
Thank you. It was a nice reminder of what I used to do.
And still are capable of doing – giving good advice.
Thanks! When my kids were struggling, I felt like I wasn’t the person to give advice. But they were going from students to working adults is all. It’s a change.
The best thing about advice from parents is that it’s always completely genuine and selfless.
That’s so true. We truly want to help others and often have wisdom from our own mistakes.
Exactly 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
💕💕
I can imagine that you were the perfect swim mom — and a great swam mom too. What a great fit for a role for these years! And I love this sentence, “In the end, my daughter transitioned from swimmer to swammer and became a working adult. ” So clever!
Thanks, Wynne. I had my share of issues as a swim mom, but I learned from my mistakes. I also shared my errors through my writing, to hopefully help others avoid being too involved and do too much for their kids.
I loved my 11 years as a field biologist in my 40s and 50s. That was the last time I had work colleagues. Being outdoors in some amazing places (and a few not so great) was a great change from all my previous jobs (indoors, often at a computer). It did physically age me and eventually my bad knees, and other issues caused me to quit. But it did leave me with wonderful memories!
You’re so fortunate to have that job in the field. Even if it hurt a little. So lucky to be outside following a passion you loved. My best friend growing up took a job in her 30s as a backcountry ranger in WA and left her husband and child for three months each summer. She never regrets that choice.
What time in your life do you look back on and miss — or not miss? And why?
I look back on the few years before Covid-19 struck as being magical— and gone now. I had a comfortable and predictable routine back then that involved socializing and travel and home renovations and self-care. But then the world went upside down and nothing has been simple since. I feel like Sisyphus just about every day.
I completely agree. One thing we used to every week was go to the movies. We could walk to the theater. I have been to two movies since COVID. I no longer like crowds, traveling or socializing as much. Plus we moved in the thick of it. Nothing is the same.
I think it’s great that she emailed you. I’m sure you were a wonderful swim mom, and now a mom of a swammer. 🙂 Fun to walk down memory lane too, and loved the photo!
Thanks! Yes, it was fun to get that email and remember those fun days. I was so surprised that after four or five years, someone reached out to me.
Hey..I can offer solid swim advice too! (1) mimic a porpoise, and (2) don’t gulp. 🙂
Ha! I was more on the line of telling parents to not take over their children’s sports and to chill.
I just enjoyed a delightful lunch and took some time to explore my phone—a peaceful way to continue the day. I wanted to express my appreciation for your posts and articles. They are not only engaging but also rich with insight. Thank you for consistently sharing such thoughtful and meaningful content.
I’m looking forward to your upcoming work. Wishing you a calm, creative, and productive afternoon ahead!
Thank you for such kind comments. You made my day! Your day sounds lovely.
Thank you for your warm response! I hope we can continue to communicate as neighbors and share valuable information and experiences, as knowledge is both powerful and educational. I’m originally from Atlanta GA, but I currently live and work in San Francisco. Where are you from?
I’m originally from a small town in Washington state north of Seattle. Then spent more than 30 years in Palm Springs before moving to Arizona.
How wonderful that someone needed your input; sometimes we don’t know where to go for advice, but someone who’s lived it is the best person!
I loved seeing all your contributions to the Swim Swam. Bravo to you!!
My husband stopped coaching (Girls competitive softball) just a few years ago, but he still gets calls from players, parents and other coaches. It’s lovely to be of service to someone else when you’ve ‘been there’!
Thanks for your kind words and taking a look at my SwimSwam stories. That’s so nice that your husband still get calls from players, parents and other coaches. My kids had a coach in their teen years who still calls us. He used to call to give me suggestions for my parenting articles. He’s even visited us in Arizona. I think it’s so good to continue those relationships.