Apprehension alert

road to our property in Washington state
The private road to our property in Washington.

The time has come. I’m traveling to Washington state to be with family and celebrate my mom’s life. She passed away from asymptomatic COVID on New Year’s Day.

My brother and I were grieving badly along with our aunt, Mom’s little sister, and we decided to wait until her birthday to spread her ashes and to be together to celebrate her life. I thought a little time would help me face the loss. I don’t know if it made it better or worse.

The trip has been hanging over my head since the first week of January. Now that it’s here, I’m feeling waves of grief and untapped emotion.

The photos are from property that has been in the family for three generations. This is where we’ll say good-bye to mom.

Property in WA
Our property on the Stilaguamish River.
Mom fishing in the river.
Mom trout fishing in the river when I was up for a visit from California years ago.

27 thoughts on “Apprehension alert

  1. Sending love and wishes for safe travel. Thank you for sharing, Elizabeth. The photos are stunning…none more so than the pic of your mom fishing. I’m so sorry for your loss. 🤍🤍🤍

  2. I totally understand what you are going through. I actually still have my mom’s ashes because we haven’t decided what to do with them yet. My sisters are not interested in any kind of ceremony and mom didn’t want us to spend extra money so I’ve been holding them for a year now waiting for the right time. Maybe on her birthday this year, which would have been her 100th.

    • Thank you for letting me know you’ve been through this too. It helps! I think her 100th birthday is a great idea. My brother isn’t interested in going with my Aunt and I to our property. It’s fine. We’re having a family dinner at his house to remember her. I visited Mom a month before she died. I asked her what she wanted after she died. She said “I don’t care. I’ll be gone!”

  3. Oh, Elizabeth. I’m so sorry. I hope that coming together to grieve add some sweetness to the sorrow. There’s a meditation book by Martha Whitmore Hickman that I found really comforting to read every day after my dad died in case that is of any help to you.

    Your property is beautiful. I hope you have a lovely trip and if you need some comic relief or a bed to sleep in Seattle, I’ve got plenty. I say that with a smile because of my post topic today – but it’s also a genuine offer.

    Sending you warm thoughts and hugs!

    • I will look for that book. I’m sorry to hear you lost your father. Thank you for the beautiful offer of a humor and a bed. That’s so sweet! My brother has invited my Aunt and me to stay with him. We’ll have some family time reminiscing.

  4. It’s good that you can all gather someplace so beautiful and meaningful to celebrate your mother’s life on this earth. I know it will be an emotional rollercoaster, but take the ride (they come with safety devices😊).

  5. Your property is gorgeous, and a perfect resting place for your beloved mom. I’m so sorry for your loss, for the grief, and inevitable pain. I believe the mother child relationship is umbilically connected and can not be severed. Hang on to all the good memories. When I think of my mom I always imagine her magical smile. Sending much love and hugs your way, C

    • I loved your story about the merry-go-round and how she risked skin and limbs to protect you. What a strong woman you had behind you. And you were there for her, too.

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