Today we are going with a couple in our neighborhood to a local happy hour and art show. They came to our party Saturday and invited us over for the Superbowl. I’m a little uneasy today, thinking about the evening ahead.
I think it’s because we are so used to being home alone. Also, moving from a town I lived in for 30 plus years to a new area makes it challenging to be social.
I was reading the Wall Street Journal and discovered my feelings are not uncommon at all. The article was called “Why Friendships Feel Weird Right Now” By Alex Janin. She said that “new tensions and discomfort are emerging as people socialize more.”
Here are a few excerpts:
We’re getting together with friends again but it can be awkward.
Two years of getting together less often—or not at all—with friends in-person have created new tensions in relationships, psychologists say. We’re more sensitive to slights and we’re out of practice navigating conflicts. Being left out, even by accident, can make us feel more insecure.
Less in-person interaction can make us feel lonelier, which can cause insecurity and over analysis of our interactions with the people we care about, says Marisa G. Franco, a psychologist based in Washington, D.C., who studies friendship. An innocuous delayed response to a text message or the lack of an invitation to a social event can balloon into something worse.
“When we’re lonely, we are hypervigilant to social threats,” says Dr. Franco. “Our minds go into overdrive overthinking things, thinking a friend is rejecting us, or reinterpreting events in our friendships more negatively.”
https://www.wsj.com/articles/why-so-many-people-are-super-sensitive-about-friendships-right-now-11645046357?mod=life_work_lead_pos1
What are your thoughts about this? Do you feel more insecure being social than you did pre-2020? Did you find you like being home and less social?
I’m very selective about where I go and with whom.
We’re you always that way? Or is it because of COVID?
It is because of Covid. I wasn’t a very outgoing person even before that but now I only go where I know it’s safe.
We only spend time with a few friends and family members with whom we feel comfortable. Because to the cold weather, all activities are still taking place indoors. I believe we would feel more at ease if it were warmer and we could be outside.
I do believe being outside allows us to be more social.
I do envy that. But soon enough that will happen for us. 🙂
I think as you get older, you become more particular and sometimes time off together is cherished.
I agree. I like my time at home.
Me, also! I have a few confirmed days off from work as does everyone in my district and I am a happy camper!!!
Well, I’m an introvert so social gatherings were never really a favorite thing of mine but we do have a few friends that I enjoy getting together with. I did not go to the Super Bowl get together even though it was with those friends in part because I don’t like football but in part also because I just am not sure about being with people without masks yet. I suppose I could have gone and worn a mask though I probably would have been the only one. We’ve had covid hit our son and a good friend within the last month so that could have been a factor too.
When my husband got COVID we stayed home for weeks. I totally understand that.
I guess I should clarify that we have off for non-student days not dealing with COVID but Fair day and holiday. I do think that COVID has contributed some to social gatherings but not as many as some states.
I am more selective… or maybe I should say that I am more comfortable about being selective. We have friends who invited us to join them for happy hour at a downtown outdoor restaurant/bar. We aren’t all that interested in driving somewhere, sitting in a (most likely) noisy location, having a glass or two of wine, eating overpriced food, then driving home, so we declined. Instead, we’ll meet them for dinner another evening in a much more conversation-friendly location. It was easier for me to say “no” to the first offer and feel okay about it.
We don’t get many invitations and are beginning this friendship, so we said yes. I don’t think we’re more selective, we don’t know many people in our new state.
Take it from a retired, WELL traveled army guy – cultures change. People do not. The wants and needs in Moscow are the same as the wants and needs in Mogadishu. Go, have fun. People are just people.
Thanks for the advice!
I only had one small group I socialized with before Covid and they don’t seem inclined to do so anymore. I’ve joined a community book club and we are meeting in person next week. Otherwise, I don’t exactly have a friend group to consider seeing.
I joined a book club too in my neighborhood and I can’t stand the book I’m supposed to read. I may skip the first meeting.
I’ve always preferred staying at home and doing my own thing and now with covid, I find that I really don’t want to go anywhere. So covid made it a better excuse to say no.
That’s what I found too.
I feel out of practice with my social skills and I believe that’s because of COVID and all the isolation. The best way to get better is to do what you’re doing, say yes, and get back on the horse! Hope it goes well, xxoo, C
We had a fun time with them. Lots of laughs. Yes I think it was the isolation that makes me hesitant.