Should we help with our children’s homework?

Those were the days! My kids had piano practice in addition to homework.

The school year has begun and for many parents, that means evenings spent with the onerous task of getting their kids to do their homework. Plus, parents are transporting their kids to sports, dance, music or other whatever activities their kids may be enrolled in. With busy, hectic schedules, we may want to help out with homework to make life easier.

I have only one memory of my parents helping me with my homework—it was a map for a geography class. Other than that, I was on my own. My mom had a rule that we had to get our work done before we played—so I was pretty good at getting things done so I’d have free time.

These days, many schools want parents to get involved and have a “parental portal” so they exactly what is expected for homework. My kids’ elementary school had a “homework hotline” and every afternoon we’d listen to it together. Is all this helping and communicating with mom and dad helpful or hurting our kids?

One parent was feeling “between a rock and hard place” with the instructions from their children’s school. In a parenting advice column in the Fort Wayne, IN News Sentinel a parent asked:

“…In addition, the “Parent Portal,” as it’s called, also lets us know what we are expected to help with at home. In effect, we are being made responsible for what, in our estimation, is a teacher’s responsibility. We are expected to know the material, monitor homework, and see to it that every assignment is not only done, but done properly.”

Here’s part of the answer written by a family psychologist John Rosemond in his parenting column called “Parent portal source of angst for parents:”

“…A very good friend of mine with three school-age children says, ‘These parent portals bring a whole new level of crazy to parental over-involvement.’ From the get-go, my friend let her children know that they were wholly responsible for their homework assignments and that their job was to make sure she and their father never had to get involved.

“These parent homework portals take advantage of ubiquitous parent anxiety — borne largely by mothers who seem to think that their children’s grades reflect the quality of their parenting — regarding school achievement and successfully turn many parents/moms into micromanaging enablers. In so doing, teachers transfer a significant amount of responsibility for academic instruction to the home.

“It is a fact without exceptions that enabling weakens. In this case, it weakens a child’s sense of personal responsibility and is, therefore, self-fulfilling. The more the parent enables, the more enabling the child in question seems to need. “I can’t!” becomes a frequent complaint.”

You may question why the schools are doing this? Why are they making crazy parents lives even crazier? One reason according to Rosemond is the standardized testing. Schools want to see good test scores and getting parents involved ensures better results.