This was my lunch at Sushi Oto, where I used to go with my mom.
My mom wasn’t in her room when I arrived at her assisted living facility.
Her name was still on the door. Her things were inside. I took a quick roam around to the dining room and living rooms to see if I could find her.
I stopped at a nurses’ station and was informed that she was upstairs in “Skilled Nursing.”
My brother had told me that they were going to move her there eventually. He fought against it for two years. But I didn’t know they finally moved her. She had fallen several times, she wasn’t walking and she’s incontinent — so she went to the next level of care.
When she first moved in, she was in a two-bedroom apartment on campus that didn’t have help. Then she was moved into a studio room when she need more help with daily tasks.
I found her upstairs in the skilled nursing floor. The rooms are all the same. Two hospital beds with a curtain in between.
Her roommate came out from behind the curtain, wearing nothing but adult diapers. I mean stark naked except for pull ups. She spoke gibberish and my mom dove under her blankets to hide.
I went to the nurses station and said, “The woman in my mother’s room is talking to me and I don’t understand what she needs.”
“Oh, don’t mind her. She has severe Alzheimer’s. I’ll send someone to check on her,” the attendant said.
Two staff members came in and profusely apologized to me as the naked geriatric patient was standing at my side.
“Miss Helen, where are your clothes?” she was asked.
They moved her back to her side of the curtain and got her dressed.
My mom needs physical help, but mentally she is not as far gone as most of the people I saw on the skilled nursing floor. She has trouble with short term memory but enjoys laughing and has a great sense of humor.
During my last visit, we played croquet and I took her out to lunch for sushi. We played cards in the card room, went to Bingo and chair yoga. This visit, she demanded that I take her back to her old room. I told her if she could walk to the elevator, I would take her there. She walked about ten yards with her walker and said, “I can’t do it.”
What a reminder for me to get out and move. I’m heartbroken at how quickly my mom has aged since my last visit.
When our parents age, do you find it heartbreaking too?
Oh yes! My mom is also declining quickly! My heart sees you, feels what you are saying, and goes out to you, my friend!
Thank you. It’s so hard.
I’m so sorry EA. What a shock to walk into. My parents went very quickly, as have most elders in my extended family. I can only imagine the heartbreak when watching someone you love decline. Take care.
Thank you. I almost think it would be better to go quickly.
I absolutely agree.
It’s hard to see our parents getting older.
My mom is 90. I would have preferred she was at home with in home care. But she wouldn’t let anyone in to help her. I’m seeing that with my dad too. He lives alone closer to me and says he wants help, but then doesn’t accept it.
Well, it’s difficult to let strangers into the house even though they know they need help. I”m sure we will feel that way one day too.
I’m afraid so. It’s also hard to admit that they need help. I’m sure we’ll experience that too.
It is really hard. Hugs to you.
Thank you. It was a tough week. Fortunately, I was staying with my best friend from college and she and her husband pampered me.
Been there. Prayers for your situation.
Thank you.
I am so sorry. I feel sad for you and your mother. I am sure it was hard on the both of you when you left her.
I wish I lived closer. Thank you for your kind thoughts. I do appreciate it.
I know you do. Sending you a hug. 😘
Thanks for the hug!
I don’t know if I call it heartbreaking…just different. It’s such a learning experience becoming the adult
I’m hurting about her living situation. I can’t imagine being trapped where I wasn’t comfortable.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this
Thank you. I’m wondering when my brother chose this place for our mom and they said they’d take care of her for life if they ever showed him the final level of care? I doubt it.
It’s not something we like to think about…
I lost a few nights sleep over it.
I can imagine. Thinking of you
Thank you ☺️
Yeah, I’ve had to come to terms that my dad is getting on with age, and his heart (he has a history) is showing signs of wear and tear. This translates to a weakening body. He’s still well, but more fragile now, and I had the exact heartbreaking feeling you mentioned. Still, here’s to us facing life the way it was intended to!
I’m sorry to hear about your dad. Aging is the natural process. But it doesn’t make it easier.
Oh I’m so sorry. It must have been distressing for you both. They should pair roommates according to their cognitive abilities.
That’s what I’m hoping happens.
I hope it does. 🤗🤗🤗
They have her close to the nurses station now where they can monitor her at first.
That’s better.