When my daughter was in high school she was bullied by a few girls on her swim team. It seemed to me the better she got, the worse these girls treated her.
Once, one of her friends overhead her teammates cursing and talking about my daughter in class. You can read more about that and earthquakes in “When Kids Talk Trash About Your Daughter and You’re in an Earthquake Kind of Mood.”
Should the close friend, who overheard this garbage, have shared it with my daughter? Maybe it would have been better for my daughter to not hear it.
Or, is it better for her to know the truth? Even if it hurts?
Were her friends being kind by telling her? Or were they just as mean as the one that originally said it?
Should the friend have kept her mouth shut?
And about those people who talk trash about others… If you’re tweeting, posting or saying something mean and unkind, it’s bullying. Knock it off. Find something useful to do. Remember the old adage, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
What are your thoughts?
(FYI, I found this in my drafts folder from years ago. I still don’t have the answers to my questions.)
I agree with you that if we can’t say something nice, it’s better to keep quiet. As for telling our not telling the person about whom people are trash talking, it depends of the situation and the people concerned.
I didn’t like seeing my daughter hurt. As the mom, I wanted to protect her.
I totally get that. Same here.
I feel like it’s better left unsaid. The friend should definitely have stuck up for your daughter to the bullies, she definitely should defend her friend, I don’t think every time you do a good deed, you have to talk about it or tell the person you defend. The less negative talk one hears the better. That’s my thoughts.
I agree that the friend should have said something to Kat’s swim teammates rather than sit and quietly listen.
I think if my daughter heard someone talking about her best friend she would tell her bestie, not out of malice but out of awareness so she knew what was out there. I’m guessing my daughter would also say something to those talking trash. I think my daughter would want to know if things were being said about her. Knowledge is power and all
Good point. It was hurtful, but it was probably helpful to my daughter to know.
It’s so difficult to watch our children go through situations like this. I’ll have to read the original post, but I believe her friends wanted her to know what was said so she wouldn’t find out from an enemy.
Yes. I’m sure her friend had my daughter’s best interest in mind. Also at that age (or any age) it’s not easy to know what is the best action to take.
I was just talking to my daughter about this last night. She says she was bullied like this all through school. I had no clue. I asked why she didn’t tell me and she said that would have made people bully her more. I felt so bad. She’s 25 now but I wonder why I didn’t notice?
That’s so sad. I wasn’t aware of most of it, except for this instance. My daughter is 25 too.
I think it’s important to gently and kindly call people out when they’re trashing someone, especially someone you know and love. xxoo, C
I remember I did tell the parents of the two girls who were talking about my daughter. They were fellow swim moms. But they got angry with me and told me my daughter’s friend should never have told her!
That’s ridiculous, I call that smoke and mirrors! They should have apologized! C
No kidding! I would have. But of course my children wouldn’t have acted that way! I would hope.