What a surprise to see this cactus in full bloom! I had to get photos in the morning light.
I was at a board meeting for the charity group that I volunteer for that raises funds for sex-trafficked victims. Unfortunately, the board decided to no longer fundraise for this worthy cause. The reason why? The subject matter is too tough. It upsets the sensibilities of many women. They don’t want to hear about it and deep down they are turned off by it.
Our new year for the group starts in September. I’ve been on the fence on whether or not I want to continue on the board. I brought this up a month ago to our current president who is stepping down from that demanding position and continuing with her role as treasurer (yes she was doing both!) She said, “Oh no! You have to be on the board.”
My job is communications which means internal communication with members as well as outreach to the community. It’s a lot of work. Yes, it’s satisfying, but lately feels like something I have to do rather than something I’m passionate about.
With my new interest in photography and the advanced workshop I was invited to join beginning in September, I’m leaning more towards not being on the board.
At the end of our board meeting the other night, I was put on the spot. The incoming president said, “I need to ask each of you a question. I need to know if you are continuing on the board.”
I really wanted to discuss my decision with the outgoing president before bringing it up in public. But here I was. I was honest. I think being put on the spot does that to me. I can’t come up with an excuse or a nice lie to get through the moment. I could see a few board members visibly upset with me. I explained about my new commitment to the photography workshop and not knowing how much time it will take. I told them I was still thinking it through and couldn’t commit to being on the board.
I drove home feeling guilty for not having this conversation with the outgoing president before a public announcement.
Have you been put on the spot? If so, how did you handle it?
It wasn’t right to ask for your decision in front of everyone. It’s okay to be honest rather than give false hope.
Thank you for your support. Yes, I agree it wasn’t right to ask that of me in front of the group.
You’re welcome ☺️
👍🏼
When a job becomes duty, rather than passion, we become very expensive to keep around. Everyone suffers. I ask myself, what is the most wonderful way I can spend my time? And that’s the direction I head.
What a great question to ask. I will keep your words of wisdom in mind.
Oh my goodness…you were put in a terribly awkward situation, Elizabeth. I hate when that’s happened to me because I freeze up – feeling like I don’t dare disappoint anyone and then find myself committed to projects and tasks I don’t have time for. I’m learning…but I hear you about the guilt. Let me offer smiles and love to offset the faces who gave you disappointment. 💕
Thank you for the smiles! I could use them now. I called up the outgoing president to talk to her yesterday, but she didn’t answer. I left a long, rambling answer….
What I know for sure? They’ll miss you on so many levels because of your expertise and dedication…but that shouldn’t change your decision. I’m with you! 💕
Thank you! I don’t mind helping. I really don’t have patience for board meetings and chatter. This last one put me over the edge.
Sending big hugs…big, big, hugs! 🥰
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I’m sorry for the inconsideration towards you and actually everyone at that meeting EA. It never benefits anyone to be placed into a moment of having to make a snap decision. I suspect the new President has lots going on given the vibe that seems to be coming across about the general direction of the group and their goals, but I also think that there are more tactful ways to handle change. It sort of sounds like the entire reason the group formed is verging on change given that their purpose seems to be changing based on viewpoints and goals regarding priorities that have been in place until now. I find it odd that a group that has worked specifically to aid individuals in crisis now finds raising money for that cause to be too uncomfortable to go forward? It seems that perhaps you are also sensing these changes as part of the reason the good work has become harder for you? Make the decision that feels right and best and in time, if you feel an interest for some level of community service involvement again I’m pretty sure you will find a place that feels right for you.
Thank you for your words of wisdom. The group was 200 plus strong before COVID. Since I’ve joined it’s around 30. Only 16 members bought tickets for our major fundraiser. I feel like the group is not going to be around in a year or two and they are desperate to find a reason for the decline and interest in membership. I think it’s people getting older and the shut down for a few years hurt. They’ve changed their focus through 30 years to helping children in need, women, and since I’ve been involved sex trafficked victims.
The shuttering of the fundraiser is very unfortunate. My daughter says the local Wal-Mart is a hot spot for trafficking. You were put on the spot intentionally, I would have been painfully blunt.
Wow. I didn’t know that about Walmart. Our area is an outdoor shopping center that is supposed to be the epicenter of trafficking.
The issue is the parking lot at the Walmart but yes, it is right there hiding in plain sight
It is in plain sight. Incredibly sad. I’m sorry our group isn’t going to help the residential facility that rehabs the rescued girls.
Unfortunately, there are people who believe if they don’t mention it, don’t acknowledge it then it doesn’t exist.
Unfortunately, you’re correct. But the problem is one of the biggest crimes in our country. It’s not going away. I can still help the facility with or without my group.
I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about when put on the spot. I find it fascinating when leaders make a decision to do something like that. Often it seems to be driven by their own urgency to have certainty even if it doesn’t predispose anyone to give the answer they want. It might be an indication of a leader you wouldn’t want to work with anyway?
I think you are exactly right. My husband said something similar that the incoming president thought putting us on the spot would make us commit. It didn’t in my case.
Shame on them for putting you on the spot. They do that, especially when it is volunteer work, because they NEED people and “guilting” good people makes them stay on. Go your path, photography is fun, and uplifting and our age, we need this in our life.
Thank you for your supportive comment. I agree that during this point in my life, I need to do what I’m passionate about.
Oh, I’m with Wynne, you don’t have anything to feel guilty about. They put you on the spot. You were honest. You’re figuring things out. It’s actually bad leadership to bring up a question like that in public without first having it privately. It puts you and everyone else in an awkward spot. If you had said yes and then turned them down later, that might be a different story. But you’re being honest with them. And I hear you about having other interests. I’m past the point in my life to doing something just to do it. I have to believe in it, want to be there, and have deep passion to do it. You’ll figure out what’s best for you!!!!
Thanks, Brian. I was passionate about helping the rescued girls because their lives were dramatically changed. I’m not sure about the board going forward and what we’ll be doing to help our community. It wasn’t a great feeling to be put on the spot. I am excited about my photography workshop this fall. I think it will take as much time that I choose to put into it.
They shouldn’t have put you on the spot. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
I am glad you were honest.
I am sorry the board stopped supporting sex trafficking victims. I know you are, too. It’s a huge problem and not wanting to help with it because it makes people uncomfortable is a really sad reason, in my opinion!!
Thank you. Yes, I saw it coming. They want to help with women or children, but I don’t know any more needier than the victims of sex trafficking. I do feel guilty because of the outgoing president. It’s the incoming one who put me on the spot. I would have preferred a private conversation.
I think you handled the awkward situation well. You shouldn’t have been put on the spot like that and you didn’t owe them an answer there and then.
This is one reason I haven’t volunteered (yet) in my retirement except for one-off requests. I want to keep my options open and have the flexibility to explore lots of interests. You have an amazing opportunity to learn more about photography and that’s where you want to focus your energy. It’s your life and your retirement.
Thank you for your very supportive and understanding comment. I spent one year on this board and feel I helped out, but it’s not what I want to continue doing. The photography opportunity is what I want to focus on.
It doesn’t sound like a good way to treat board members. But better to just be honest, or just say you’re not prepared to discuss the matter at that time and leave it at that. Also sounds like the group’s mission is pivoting from the cause you signed on to help. In our genealogy society, the person who does our newsletter is not officially a board member. Maybe you can still offer some services (only if you want to).
Don’t let their frowns discourage you from doing what is right for you. 😊
Thanks! I told the board I would continue with my work for the organization. That’s in line with the person doing your newsletter. I don’t have to be on the board to write press releases and create brochures. I wish I would have said I wasn’t prepared to discuss it at the time. I don’t feel badly for being honest, though.
Frankly, when I used that line when put on the spot, the person I said it to was upset about it. However, I really needed that space to think carefully about what I would say and it made a big difference for the better in the end. I’m going to remember that.
That’s a good idea to remember for the future.
You did well, but the situation shouldn’t have happened. It seems a careless way to conduct business, but there you go.
I adore Tippy Gnu’s question: “what is the most wonderful way I can spend my time?” Answer that honestly and you’ll be golden.
Thanks! I totally agree it wasn’t a great way for the new president to begin. I love Tippy Gnu’s question. My mind is made up.
Wow. I don’t like this for you. I also would have preferred a private conversation beforehand. I think what you (and the rest of the volunteers) have done, are doing is commendable. I completely understand being overwhelmed with many commitments, so you can’t do everything, forever.
I’ve also had to give up things that I was passionate about because my time is precious, but we should never feel guilt over that.
Thank you for understanding and offering your support. It helps!