Have you noticed teens or 20-somethings at restaurants, in a group, but not talking? Instead you may see them looking down at their phones.
I saw an article at the WSJ that talked about boot camps for college students to learn small talk. One professor noticed her students from Caltech weren’t getting interviews or jobs. (Caltech is a school for brilliant kids and very difficult to get into.) Other lecturers from other colleges noticed a similar trend. They decided to get involved and help teach skills that previously were taken for granted.
In the article “We Now Need College Courses to Teach Young Adults How to Make Small Talk” by Tara Weiss, she said:
Professors are teaching elementary chitchat skills to students who are woefully behind in the basics.
Everybody seems to have a theory about why many young adults have trouble with so-called soft skills, which include the art of persuasion and civil conversation. Blame smartphone addiction, Covid cocooning or helicopter parenting. Regardless of cause, a growing number of college professors in various disciplines around the U.S. are trying to keep professional chitchat from becoming a lost language.
Claire Ralph, a Caltech computer-science lecturer, said when she started at the campus in 2016 she was surprised that a fifth of her students had spent five months looking for a job—not even getting interviews. She asked to see copies of their cover letters. One began, “Hey wazzup y’all.” The student explained that “someone said a cover letter should be friendly,” Ralph recalled.
She talked about students’ communication shortcomings with colleagues. Everyone came to the same conclusion: “It was a hole people knew existed,” she said, but “didn’t know how to plug.”
https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/careers/colleges-teach-chitchat-to-shy-students-81fe9db1?mod=lifestyle_lead_pos2
I’m glad these professors are working on basic communication skills with their students. I had to go through chit chat training when I worked for a couple years with my husband at Merrill Lynch. They called it speed dating. We had different scenarios or roles to play. We lined up in two lines and had to go down the line having a few seconds to find out as much as we could about the other person across from us. There were a number of other exercises, and although they were nerve wracking, they were useful.
I remember serving on a scholarship committee for three high schools in the Palm Springs area. Along with four or five other women, we’d go through applications and have in-person interviews with our top prospects. The three high schools had different socio-economic demographics, but one stood out. That’s because somebody in the faculty told the girls how to dress, shake our hands firmly and look us in the eye. They had training that put them ahead of the kids who were left on their own. We were impressed.
What are your thoughts about chit chat class? Do you think the art of small talk is getting lost in today’s society? With just our youth or with everyone and why?
Hey wazzup y’all?? Thank goodness there are caring folks coming to the rescue! I attended the 80th birthday party of a friend whose eight grandchildren spent their entire time together at a round table with their phones stuck in their faces. Gracious! We need help!
We need parents to not be friends with their kids but to establish rules with screen time. That’s so sad with the eight grandkids!
Yes, at all ages. We went out for Thanksgiving and noticed all the phones out at the table taking selfies, scrolling in front of family and friends. For me, if you are there put the phone away and engage.
Yes. It should be a rule in families. Put the phones down.
With my family if I could get them all together, I can promise their stories would be more interesting than some of the made up stories on the internet.
Ha!
I could have used a class in chit chat when I was in college. I was so shy back then and only really learned how to chit chat because my husband [then boyfriend] taught me. So my answer is: this is a wonderful idea. As for the art of small talk in our society now, it is lost. Most people have their faces buried looking at their phone screens, don’t even know real people exist right beside them. It is sad.
Interesting how you and your husband were opposite in the chit chat arena. Yes, I think it’s a great idea too!
The older people I interact with know hire to make small talk. But the youngsters mostly talk about their own interests
That’s true, too!
Luckily we can find people to talk to who pay attention. 😂
Yes!
😍🥰😍
I think everyone could use that class! 🙂
It sure wouldn’t hurt!
Much like Ally said, I am not a natural chit chatter. My husband, on the other hand, could talk to a brick wall and enjoy the conversation. His “secret”? He is curious, loves to ask questions, and is truly interested in what the other person has to say. I’ve learned so much from him.
I’m afraid that those who spend a great amount of time looking at their phones have lost the art of showing interest in another real life person. To them I say, “look up, there is a whole, beautiful world out there.”
Interesting how couples can have such opposites in the ability to small talk. Opposites attract they say. I think my background in journalism has helped me, because I want to learn everyone’s story.
I know some adults who could use that class. Ha ha.
Ah….yes! I was just about to say the exact same thing…especially post-ish-Covid…it’s a necessary skill and needs to be taught. In-person social graces — yes! 😉
I’m glad it’s being taught. Years from now we’ll learn all the damage COVID shut downs caused the younger generations.
On so many levels…I’m with you. Researchers are gonna have so much to tackle. (And probably are at this very moment…) xo, Elizabeth! 💕
I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family! We are enjoying a visit with friends near Tucson.
Enjoy every minute! Thanksgiving’s been great. Xo! 🥰
💕
There are a few, but I’m sure you’re not one of them with your journalism background.
Like Ally, I was shy and would have benefited from the chit chat class. Eventually, I had to learn to find success in my career. Hopefully, the younger generation figures it out, as well. Though, I didn’t even have a phone at that, let alone a smart phone… so it may be more of an uphill battle for the younger folks.
I was shy growing up too, but my classes in journalism forced me to have to interview people. Then I got hooked on wanting to know everyone’s story and it got easier.
This is so interesting, Elizabeth! I remember being on a study abroad trip in the early 1990’s and the leader simply refused (or so I thought) to do small talk. A bus ride with him was strangely silent. But maybe he just never was good at it. Your training class sounds tough – but what a way to exercise those social muscles!
Your study abroad class would have been so much more enjoyable with a talkative leader. When I was on a DC trip as a chaperone with our son, our tour leader was ex Pentagon employee and was there on 911. Boy, did he have stories to tell during the hours on the bus!
I wish I’d had that class! I’ve learned to make small talk, but it can be a challenge to get me rolling. I do think the screen addiction has become a big problem. It’s why I resisted getting a smart phone (is it really a smart thing?), but it has become such a useful tool. No doomscrolling here.
Good question. Is it really a smart thing?
Or they could just learn talk. Any sort would do. Sometimes I kinda wish all the mobile phones in the world would vanish. Although that might be inconvenient…
Agreed.
Oh wow! Yes, I suffer from difficulty with small talk for many reasons. 1st, I think in English and most of the people I converse with speak Arabic. 2nd, I’m a stay at home mom and I don’t have many friends so I rarely ever socialize. 3rd I have social anxiety, which was exacerbated by covid and the isolation that entailed.
I think a lot of people were affected by the isolation. You’re not alone.