Me and my brother, back in the day.
There was an article in the Lifestyle section of the Wall Street Journal that captured my interest. It was written by Rich Cohen and called:
We Never Really Escape the Gym-Class Draft
Does the childhood fear of being picked last explain our insecurities later in life?
For some reason, I was always picked last or second to last in PE — whether it was Red Rover, dodgeball, volleyball or anything. How depressing is that? I am somewhat athletic. I started skiing at age two. I could swim. I took ballet. Yet, my school chums saw me as someone they didn’t want on their team. I think it was my thick glasses. I was terribly near-sighted from birth.
From the article:
It’s the sort of alienation you experience in junior high school but feel forever. Being just another number among a pool of available picks, you see yourself, maybe for the first time, through the cold eyes of an appraiser. You are no more than a body in the mind of this person, an object with too many deficiencies to catalog: chubby, knock-kneed, weak-armed, timid, poorly coordinated, scared of the ball, slow.
You will also feel yourself, for the first time, trapped in a body, isolated from even your closest friends, of whom you might think: Oh, dear lord, as bad as it gets, as long as it takes, let me be taken before him.
What’s worse, you know that you’re being judged on all the wrong qualities, in all the wrong ways. Yeah, I’m slow, you think as round three gives way to round four. I can’t throw very hard, and I don’t move too quick. But there’s one thing I know how to do well: kick ass at dodgeball.
Apparently, this picking by your peers is no longer allowed. Of course most things that make kids uncomfortable is no longer allowed.
When were you picked? Do you think they should still allowing choosing teams by peers? Why or why not?
I don’t claim to be an expert at such things, but there are teams we’d each get picked early for and things for which we’d get picked toward the last. I think it did help kids understand their strengths and weaknesses. At least as a child, I had a healthy idea of how the rest of my class perceived me. I was a sought after lab partner, but not the one to stand by in choir. I was a good kickball teammate, but not so much for basketball. To be honest, I don’t have such an understanding of myself as an adult. I could benefit from knowing how people see me. I could ask, and sometimes do, but lip service is different than seeing who would actually pick me and for what. As a kid I could work on my deficiencies a lot easier when they were pointed out, and I think that “choosing” process prepared me for other things like being in applicant pools for
employment. Should there be peers choosing teams today? I don’t know. But I don’t have any regrets for having them when I was a kid.
Lots of good points. We did go through the same things as young adults going through the job searches. I think the gym choosing helped us prepare.
I like how you said that. There’s that old saying “If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” I wonder how many times in one’s childhood one gets the opportunity to be judged by their peers on their athletic capabilities vs their intellectual ones?
That’s a good question. It stands to reason it would depend on the peer group, right? Maybe a more intellectual peer group would appreciate that type of excellence while an athletic one would elevate physical ability. Hopefully adults would cultivate both types of opportunities so every kid could find a place to shine!
We were judged in high school by our intellectual abilities as well as athletics. We had a chemistry class where the teacher made a seating chart daily based on how we did on tests. Also, we were honored for being in the top ten of our class.
Thankfully we never had such practice in our schools! The teachers asked for volunteers and whoever wants to play raised their hands. I think since sports wasn’t/ isn’t a big deal is the reason. We just played for fun n
That’s refreshing. Sports are definitely a big deal here.
Yes I know! The Asian mindset is quite different 😃
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Yea, where you got picked, definitely carried some stigma in my elementary school. I never wanted to be picked last. I was one of the smaller guys in my school, so I was very much aware of where I fell in any competition, whether it was athletic or academic. I’m kind of glad it’s not still that way, but I also understand why others might care more about it then I do.
I found it interactive that the WSJ would feature this topic. I guess we can all relate to it.
NICE POST 💙💚❤️
Happy monday 💯👋🇪🇦
I was usually picked last in PE class. I despised PE class but I didn’t blame my peers for picking me last. I was terrible at all sports. They had their reasons.
I totally relate! When I was in high school and we had to run a mile I came in last. Behind the girl who was way overweight. I’m slow.
Such a post! I was often picked because I **appeared** to be athletic…tall…perceived to be coordinated. Nope. Nope. Nope. We moved so much it felt like the same recurring dream…disappointing people in gym class who made the mistake of thinking I had skills! 😜
At least you got picked early on! That’s a plus 😁
You are right about that…yep! Such a hazing-like experience.
I hadn’t thought of it that way, but it is a form of hazing or bullying.
Yah…I think so…for sure. 😠
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What a cute picture, Elizabeth! I don’t really remember when I was picked which probably means it was somewhere in the middle. It is a hard exercise to have to go through.
I remember all the guys getting picked first. Of course they were more athletic.
It’s a way of life, We will always be picked in some way for something. Even being picked in a friendship. Someone picks us, we ALSO choose someone else. I wouldn’t put much thought in this, because it gives people who like to feel sorry for themselves another reason to say, “Well THAT study says… “. LOL This is how I think of this anyhow.
I think it may have made us tougher. And you’re correct, it can be used as an excuse to carry through your life.
I was always solidLy in the middle of the pack even though I was an average athlete at best. No. I don’t think kids should choose their own teams…I think the teacher should draw an imaginary line and make teams that way. There’s nothing to be gained from having a kid pick teams
So true. I also remember trying out for a play in third grade and it was a popularity vote, not who could read best or recite. The teacher could have selected roles, too.
Elementary kids shouldn’t have that kind of power. They’re not mature enough to understand
I agree!
I recall being somewhere in the bottom…but never last. I pretty much sucked at anything sports..so it made no difference to me one way or another. I think some things should go back but I hope they NEVER force middle school kids to shower after gym like they did in the early 80’s with grown men gym teachers both ogling and or showering with us.
Ugh. I think the shower thing was disgusting too. My son had a high school swim coach who showered naked with the swimmers.
I, also was picked Last every time. I will say one thing. I learned how to lose gracefully. I do think Children should still be able to win or lose and give up the stupid Participation Awards.
I agree with you one hundred percent!
I was always picked close to last. I don’t remember being bothered by it much, though, as I didn’t care much for sports.
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I remember the fear of rejection as a young kid, I was awkward, not often the first pick for a team. But I was good at math! And we had math relays in elementary school. You had to race to the chalk board and work out a problem then pass the chalk to the next in line. The team to get all the equations done first (they had to be right too) wins. I was always first to be picked on math teams. Amazing how I can never balance the check book? Allowing kids to choose teams is not the best idea. I remember it being used to bully the kid that no one liked. Hugs, C
I like that you’re a writer and good at math! That’s awesome and reminds me of my son. He was a theoretical math major in college for three years until he switched to Lit to be with his love of his life who is a poet. 😊