I wrote this nine years ago. It’s my most read post to this day. I remember writing it while visiting a high school friend in my home town Snohomish.
I understand how she feels. After all, I was once 19 years old. I remember it very clearly.
Everything my mom did, I found unbelievably annoying.
I’ll never forget sitting with her in the car, getting ready to shop at Bellevue Square. She had parked the car. She was fumbling through her purse, making sure she had what she needed. She reapplied her lipstick. Dug through her purse for her wallet to look through credit cards. Searched several times to check where she placed the keys.
Would we never leave the car? Would I be stuck all day? I must have said something to her quite snippy, or flat out mean. A few tears rolled down her cheeks. Which made me more upset with her.
Isn’t it a sad feeling, transitioning from a mom who could do no wrong—from changing diapers, to cooking their favorite spaghetti, to taping treasured colorings on the fridge that were made just for you—to being the person of their abject disdain?
It’s a tough new role. Let me tell you.
But, having gone through these feelings myself, I understand. I’m visiting my mom this week in her assisted living center. I talked about it with her, what I’m going through now, and what I felt like when I was 19. Fortunately, she doesn’t remember me ever being a snarky 19-year-old.
For some reason, I’ve gained more patience throughout my life and that has been a blessing. I’ve also learned forgiveness.
Something else, I’ve learned through the years of parenting: this too shall pass.
It’s called independence and freedom. We want our children to grow and become separate human beings that can stand on their own. Sometimes they need to separate from us. A good time to do that is during their senior year of high school, or their freshman year of college. It’s a good thing. I keep telling myself that.
However, we also want to be treated with respect, and once again—someday—to be cherished.
I wrote more about separating from our kids and the experiences we go through when they leave for college HERE.
I miss my mom. So much.
Why do you think some posts are discovered and read throughout the years, while others are not?
Do you think when people close to us are going through rough times, it’s easy for them to take it out on those closest to them?
That’s a lovely photo of you and your mother, so sorry for your loss.
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Thank you.
I love your question about ‘why’ — why certain posts receive more readership than others. If you figure that out, let me know. My off the cuff thought is that you hit on a somewhat universal theme, that push-pull with family, especially between mothers and daughters (maybe mothers and sons, too – I can’t speak to that). I also think your photo of your kids – heads down, hoodie up – looks familiar to a lot of parents. 😉
I think you’re on to something. A universal theme that many people relate to. Yes, it’s also a push-pull with mothers and sons, too. I don’t like to revisit my son’s senior year of high school!
Hugs, hugs, hugs! 🥰
To be fair, my son doesn’t want to relive his senior year, either! I think it’s a natural part of separating from childhood and needing distance from your parents to move onto adulthood.
Agree! 🥰
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Too easy to take things out on the people closest to you. They’re your safety net
Yes! I totally agree.
I think Vicki is on to something. It’s either a universal theme or something super niche and obscure. My most popular post, by a long shot, is about what I called “reverse hiccups” that I used to get all the time. Apparently, a lot of people had them too, but couldn’t find the cause.
Also, I was always a good kid, but super embarrassed on my parents in the teen years. Unfortunately, I don’t think everyone can escape it!
What a funny topic! Reverse hiccups. Who would figure that would be so popular. Yes, I was so embarrassed of my parents in the teen years. The teens are a time to figure out how to be independent from mom and dad.
“this too shall pass.” The older I get, the more this lil statement explains so much of life. Let the worries go, stay in the moment and remember that life has its ups and its downs. Thanks EA!
“This too shall pass” works most of the time, doesn’t it? I wrote the story of the friction between my daughter and I during her freshman year of college. Years later, I can barely remember those days.
Oh, I’m with you. It’s funny the things that you remember vividly and the things that you just can’t remember anymore. Ha, ha
😊👍🏼
Patience and forgiveness – such wonderful capacities to grow! Beautifully written, Elizabeth!
Thank you, Wynne!
We are more harsh with people we are near to or love more because we don’t have to maintain formal relationships with them.
I believe you are correct. We can let our guard down with our family members.
Yes, and sometimes we hurt them in this frankness
Agreed!
I too agree but it’s sad! As the saying goes; those who we love/ or those who love, hurt us the most.
Thanks for sharing your story, Elizabeth. I do feel that we’re more likely to take out our frustrations on those we love. I have one memory of my daughter getting mad at me, and now if it comes up, we just laugh. Lovely photos, and I’m so sorry to hear of your mom’s passing last year. All of our parents have passed now and it is so surreal. We miss them, too. And I love ‘this too shall pass.’ I say that often to myself (and out loud sometimes). 🙂
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Why do you think some posts are discovered and read throughout the years, while others are not?
I’ve never figured this out, but know the same thing happens on my blog. Some of my best stuff languishes, while the sillier stuff lingers.
As for missing your mother, I understand that. Mine’s been gone over 25 years and there are moments when I think to myself that I need to remember to tell her something I know she’ll enjoy, but…
There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to why some posts connect with people and others don’t. I find myself doing the same thing with my mom. I want to tell her something, but then realize she’s not here.
I’m having a really rough time with my daughter right now. Nothing I can do is right and the scorn is definitely in full effect. I’m sorry for your loss as well.
Thank you. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this now.