I noticed I was getting more than triple my usual views over the weekend. Because I post Monday, Wednesday and Friday, my weekend stats are usually low. But people were reading my Sam Darnold story. Then a few people read dozens of other posts. Sam is in the news, because he’s doing really well after spending one year as a backup with San Francisco. That must be why my story is gaining traction.
I wrote this story about Sam Darnold’s parents, while he was a quarterback at USC. I liked his low key, humble way about him. Now he’s the star QB for Minnesota Vikings after a stint with the 49ers, Panthers and Jets. He was third pick in the draft and became starting QB for the NY Jets.
As a mom who was engrossed (obsessed?) for years as a swim mom — and had my kids in private lessons — I found Sam’s parents to be exceptional at sports parenting.
They were parents who let their phenom athletically-gifted kid, be just that. A kid.
My husband asked me to read a story from the Bleacher Report about USC Quarterback Sam Darnold. I put him off for a day because frankly, I wasn’t that interested. I finally read it to appease him and found Sam’s story to be fascinating—mainly because of the parenting style of Mike and Chris Darnold.
From childhood through high school, Sam played basketball, football, and baseball. I think he played volleyball, too. His parents let him try and decide what sports he participated in. They didn’t make him specialize or get him private lessons or coaches. In fact, Sam believes his success in football is from playing all different sports and learning a variety of skills. In a refreshing story written by Jeff Perlman, you find out about a dying breed of parents—ones who believe in fun and no pressure. Parents who let their child lead his own life.
“USC’s star quarterback and his parents do not live by the LaVar Ball theory of the universe. They let a multisport supernova grow up into his own man. And that’s why this 20-year-old might be the No. 1 pick in next year’s NFL draft.”
Yet the story of Sam Darnold isn’t the story of the modern quarterback, loud and sparkly and created to own the internet’s 24-hour hype machine. Nope, it’s the story of a young man on the verge of superstardom because, not long ago, he was allowed to diversify.
He was allowed to be a kid.
The Darnolds’ Capistrano Beach household is in the heart of south Orange County, where there are youth sports leagues atop leagues atop leagues, and private coaches atop private coaches atop private coaches.
In Orange County, it’s not uncommon for a nine-year-old pitcher to throw sliders and curveballs nine or 10 months of the year—with a father behind the backstop holding a radar gun. It’s not uncommon for a quarterback to play Pop Warner, then a season of flag and then spend the summer under the watchful eye of a $200-an-hour passing guru.
This was not going to happen to Sam.
“My parents,” the quarterback says, “wouldn’t have allowed it.”
On paper, this might come as a surprise. One would be hard-pressed to find a more sports-centric family than the Darnolds. Mike (Sam’s dad) was an offensive lineman at the University of Redlands, Chris (Sam’s mom) a volleyball player at Long Beach City College. Sam’s older sister Franki starred in volleyball at the University of Rhode Island and three of his cousins—Allie, Michele and A.J.—also participated in collegiate volleyball. Sam’s late grandfather, Dick Hammer, played basketball at USC and was on the 1954 team that went to the Final Four. He was also a member of the 1964 U.S. Olympic men’s volleyball team.
Put simply, organized athletics are a big deal in the Darnold world and have been for decades.
“But,” says Chris, “they’re not everything. We’ve always tried to keep things in perspective. Yes, our children have always loved playing sports. But around here, in this part of California, it too often becomes live and die. That’s a big mistake in my opinion. It has to be fun.”
“One day you open your eyes and it’s, ‘Holy cow, your son is in this position,’” Mike says. “I mean, it’s crazy, right? Crazy, crazy, crazy—one in a million.”
He pauses. Though Chris is acknowledged by family members as the emotional one, the father has been showing his soft side of late. He insists he never cared whether his children played sports or an instrument or worked a job—as long as they were involved and happy and tried different things. But to have a son as USC’s starting quarterback; to have a son who is a Heisman Trophy front-runner; to have a son who is humble and decent and respectful?
“Say what you want,” Mike says. “Sam’s not flashy, he’s not a yeller, he’s not a trophy collector, a bragger. But I feel like we worked hard to raise our kids the right way. And it’s paid off.”
I believe the Darnolds have lessons for many sports parents, myself included. Of course, they had an exceptionally athletic son who could have been recruited in basketball, baseball or football. But more than that, they raised a humble, balanced kid. They are proud of him as a person, not just as a star athlete. Their attitude and parenting style helped develop Sam into the man he is and will become.
Here’s another great article in the Los Angles Times called “As expectations swell, USC’s Sam Darnold finds comfort at home near the beach” by Zach Helfand.
What are your thoughts about kids specializing in one sport at an early age?
“He was allowed to be a kid.”
That says it all right there. The world forces them to grow up too quickly, preserve the innocence as long as you can.
I agree. Sam had no pressure on him by his parents. They didn’t make him go to practice or specialize in a sport. Yes, preserve the innocence.
I think a kid is not being encouraged to be a kid and find their passion or opportunity by staying in a narrow path. Society seems to have a need to pigeon hole people in general, forcing them to focus instead of remembering that being multi-faceted is not a bad thing. It makes for a whole, intelligent and successful person as an adult.
You are so correct. We let our kids try many different things. Our son never specialized in one sport, but enjoyed theatre, music, debate and swimming. He tried karate, t-ball, tennis, basketball. Our daughter only wanted to swim. We followed their leads and interests. Being multi-faceted is helpful in their adult lives.
Just think about the diverse opportunities for learning and encountering wider groups of people. How can that not be valuable for understanding the world as an adult and navigating all of it 🙂
Absolutely. Also the ability to make your own choices and decisions.
For sure!
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It depends on who’s driving the bus and why, such as expectations. My husband and I started my daughter with tennis lessons at 3, because we play tennis and wanted family sport. At 4 she played little league and soccer, but really she was in it for the team cheers and cool uniforms. We let her decide which sports to play, but we told her if she started something she had to see it through the end of lessons/season. She also tried ice skating and one point, which lasted 8 lessons….i think under 10 they should be exposed to stuff and not choose a path till 10ish. However, if a kid loves a sport and they want to go all in, have at it.
I agree with exposing kids to a variety of sports and activities. I interviewed the mom of two Olympic medalist swimmers and she the had the same rule that they had to finish the season. They’d want to drop out halfway through, but once the season was over they’d want to sign up again. My daughter only wanted to swim from age five. My son would always find new interests.
I think if it’s the kids thing, then have at it
Yes! I saw too many swim parents who were more into it than the kids.
This is so incredible! Thank you for sharing this exceptional young man — and such a wonderful philosophy to let kids, even the very talented ones, be kids! <3
His parents are so down to earth. In Orange County, it’s rare that a child wouldn’t be in special sports camps, having private lessons, etc. I know first hand! My kids had private swim lessons and went to USC swim camp for a week in the summer.
What are your thoughts about kids specializing in one sport at an early age?
Seems ill-advised. Better to branch out and try a variety of things while you’re a kid.
I agree. I had my daughter in ballet and she thought it was a weird form of punishments to wear tights and a leotard when it was 110 degrees outside. She wanted to be in the pool!
Over here we encourage our kids to have a career/ education first and play as a hobby.
That’s the case for many families here. But others see sports as a ticket to success and a college education. Now college athletes can earn millions of dollars so the environment has changed, not for the better.
Not here and I’m most Asian countries. We push kids towards higher education and well paying jobs
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🌹I guess we are more realistic
Well to be fair, a free college education and millions of dollars does happen for many athletes.
Indeed, in America there is a culture and trend to encourage sports/ athletes. Here in a poor country, we don’t have those resources
I do agree with you that education and good job is a better path. But for some people the athletics is their best shot, if they are naturally gifted.
Very true my friend
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