The Dolphin Statue at Stearns Wharf in Santa Barbara. My friend, Joseph Bottoms’ father created this statue and a sister statue for Puerto Vallarta. I took this photo during the past weekend. Seeing the statue makes me happy.
Now to the subject at hand. Does pain and suffering create resilience?
Resilience is the ability to cope with and recover from setbacks. People who remain calm in the face of disaster have resilience.1
A resilient person is someone who has strong coping skills and is able to marshall their available resources, ask for help when needed, and find ways to manage the situation they are facing.
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-resilience-2795059
I brought this topic up because I heard a snippet of a speech to Standford students by CEO of Nvidia. I was impressed with what he said. I even mentioned it on a comment on Victoria Ponders.
From an article from March 15, 2024 on CNBC by Tom Huddleston Jr. called “Success requires ‘ample doses of pain,’ billionaire Nvidia CEO tells Stanford students: ‘I hope suffering happens to you.’
Jensen Huang has a simple message for young people who want to achieve “greatness”: No pain, no gain.
That was essentially the Nvidia CEO’s message for students at his alma mater, Stanford University, where he spoke last week at the Stanford Institute for Economic Policy Research.
“Greatness is not intelligence. Greatness comes from character. And character isn’t formed out of smart people, it’s formed out of people who suffered,” Huang said at the event, in response to a question about how students can maximize their shot at being successful.
https://www.cnbc.com/2024/03/15/nvidia-ceo-huang-at-stanford-pain-and-suffering-breeds-success.html
Nvidia is one of the world’s most valuable companies with the high demand for their chips used in AI. Huang has been CEO of the company for three decades and has experienced ups and downs and had to lay off half of his employees at one time. He believes that the pain and suffering his company has experienced and their resilience is why they are successful today.
“People with very high expectations have very low resilience”
In the article, Huang is quoted as saying he has very low expectations but believes the students at Stanford have high expectations because of their elite education.
Often “people with very high expectations have very low resilience,” he went on, because they are not accustomed to, or prepared for, failure.
“Unfortunately, resilience matters in success,” he said. “I don’t know how to teach it to you except for I hope suffering happens to you.”
https://www.cnbc.com/2024/03/15/nvidia-ceo-huang-at-stanford-pain-and-suffering-breeds-success.html
Do you agree with the statement that people with high expectations have low resilience? Why or why not?
Do you believe resilience is formed through pain and suffering, or are some people born with it?
Personally, my life has taught me resilience and made me able to handle difficult situations because my childhood was tough.
You did have a tough childhood. I’m glad you can see the benefits of that later in life.
When I compare my life to that of my kids I see a marked difference.
Yes, I see it with my kids too. When they first encountered struggles in college, it was the first hard times they had.
Exactly! 👍🏼
😊
Yes. If you have high expectations you’re not realistic. When you’re not realistic you give up easier. And yes…success usually requires a certain amount of,point of pain. The road to something worthwhile is hard. To be good at something requires sacrifice
I think you’re correct. We need to be realistic that everything isn’t easy to achieve. Also that the way to success will have difficulties.
I think there is nuance in the answer to the first question. I think people with high expectations fall into one of two categories: they are either resilient and do whatever it takes to reach their goal, or fall short of their expectations and give up.
I do believe resilience is formed through adversity, including pain and suffering, but I also do believe that it can be a learned behavior that people (especially children) might learn through observation of others’ mistakes. I don’t personally think it’s something we’re both with.
Also, crazy side note. I met my tax advisor last night and he was talking about Nvidia, which I’d never heard of, and now you’ve mentioned it just 13 hours later.
Yes, people who are resilient will work through hardships or roadblocks. They’ve experienced that life isn’t easy. I think Huang was speaking to a majority of students who haven’t experienced failure. As for Nvidia, I’ve heard my husband talking about it to his clients for some time, but only recently figured out what it was. Funny your tax guy brought it up, too.
I suspect people will define pain and suffering differently depending on their background and POV no matter how the two are defined by someone else. I think you do need to build character and resilience to grow, but what is painful to me is probably different than what constitutes pain to someone else so how can we make assumptions about what level of hardship is the most beneficial? You can’t have everything handed to you and simply expect to cruise through life but at the same time growth comes in a myriad of ways for individuals.
I think you summed it up well with expecting to cruise through life and having everything handed to you. I believe that’s what Huang was explaining to the Stanford students. You’re also correct that everyone is different.
I’m a firm believer that gratitude is a key component of resilience. And that requires one to not take anything for granted. And that usually means one has gone without and has learned to appreciate and be grateful. So yes, I would say pain and suffering do build resilience. I wish we could learn to see it that way. When we’re in hot water, all we do is try to get out, as fast as we can, by any means possible. And we rob ourselves of all the lessons- the rich character- and the greater appreciation of all that is on the other side. As parents, we are even quicker to try to get our kids out of hot water… and we aren’t helping them with their resilience or character. I wonder if the next generation will do this better?
I love that you bring up gratitude. That is so important. Also, I’m so guilty of trying to make sure my kids didn’t have any hardships while they were young. I actually drove my son’s homework to school if he forgot it. He suffered when he went off to college because of me!
I’m right there with you. In our defense, we believed that was what a good mom would do. I’m telling my kids a different story, though… and that means I might have to watch my grandkids struggle a bit. [deep sigh]. Gotta remember they will be better for it!!
I think I learned my lesson and if I’m fortunate to have grandchildren, I’ll follow you as a role model.
Do you agree with the statement that people with high expectations have low resilience? Why or why not? Some do, some don’t. It’s more a matter of having a high EQ, than your expectations. If you understand emotions you understand resilience.
Do you believe resilience is formed through pain and suffering, or are some people born with it? Both
Interesting how there are different opinions expressed on this. But I think it all comes down to individuals.
Hi Elizabeth,
To begin with, I don’t think it’s healthy to have high expectations in the first place because they can lead to disappointment. Now if those expectations fall short and the person moves on without feeling like a failure, living with negative thoughts and emotions, then resilience comes into play. And I agree with you that resilience can come from pain and suffering. Life isn’t meant to be easy, and many events that happen are out of our control. But how we react is our choice, and I’ve learned that staying calm is the best option, emotionally and physically.
I wish I could stay calm. I tend to be a worrier, which doesn’t help anyone. Yes, resilience can come with pain and suffering, and we do learn to survive through tough times.
I worry too, just like my mom. But with some new health conditions, I’m really focusing on staying calm. Stress doesn’t help anything. 🙂
You’re absolutely correct. Stress hurts and doesn’t help.
❤️🌺
I find this to be an extremely interesting topic and approach to look at it. What you said really made me wonder: is it healthy to have low expectations? I’ve seen studies that show that when teachers have low expectations of a certain portion of their students, say, girls, girls will meet those low expectations… Perhaps there’s a golden path?
I wonder if the Nvidia CEO was pointing to the high expectations that those students have of the world, rather than of themselves?
Good point. Low expectations aren’t healthy either. I’m so tired that I can’t comment as intelligently as I’d like to. Maybe having high expectations could equal thinking positively or having a brighter outlook. And lower expectations can prepare you more for failure and the ability to move forward in the event of failure. Struggling in some manner isn’t discriminatory. So, by pushing through the pain or the challenges builds character and resilience. I would only say that pain comes in many degrees, so pushing through wouldn’t mean the same for everyone. I hope this makes sense.
Yes, it made sense to me. Learning through adversity gives us confidence and resilience.
Huang could have been pointing to their world view, rather than themselves. In the article, he said he had low expectations. I like your point that when teachers have low expectations of a student, the student will meet the low expectations. Very true.
Great post. Love this subject. I do not think people with high expectations have low resilience by default. I do believe resilience is formed through trials, pain, and suffering. I don’t think anyone is born with it, but a challenging childhood puts one into resilience-building mode early in life, while others start to form theirs as life rolls on.
Thank you! I agree that trials, pain and suffering create resilience. I notice my kids didn’t have trials until after childhood, but they’re building resilience now.
When I hear the word resilience I always think of our physical resilience to recover after a difficult ride, swim, run, hike or whatever you do to challenge your muscles. A sign of good health is the resiliency of your muscles. Any athlete will attest to that. So I suppose the same could me said for our mental abilities, how easily do we recover from our trials and tribulations and continue our work. I do believe it can be born of our struggles but like athletes I also believe you can train for this by stretching yourself even when life is not hard. Training yourself to think outside the book, come up with unique solutions to normal issues, work you brain as if a muscle. Hugs, C
I like your athletic analogy. We need recovery fuel and time before pushing ourselves again.
Does pain and suffering create resilience? Maybe for some people, but I know of many people who didn’t come out the other side stronger (or, maybe never came out the other side at all). I am resilient in many areas, but I can’t say that I’ve endured a large amount of pain and suffering in my life. I think meeting challenges and hardships can give someone confidence that they will survive next time too.
You bring up a great point. My mom never got over divorce from my dad. She had other hardships she was resilient afterwards, but not that one.
yes.
Short answer! I agree.
I’m coming down on both sides, but more on the idea that we have some innate strength of character. For some people, pain and suffering is simply defeating. It may be that they have a pessimistic outlook or just lack capacity to find a way out of a downward spiral. For other people, trial and error, pain and suffering, are motivations to move ahead and strive for a better place to be. Perhaps these tend to be naturally optimistic. Both may wind up succeeding in the end, but I think the later tend to be happier as they go along.
Oh, what a great post, Elizabeth. I do think suffering can be very informative. You learn that you won’t crumble when you fail. But I also wondered if someone hasn’t suffered (assuming that is possible), does it mean they’ve played it safe and haven’t really tried either?
Interesting question. Maybe if they haven’t suffered, they haven’t put themselves out there? I think these Stanford students Huang was speaking to have done very well in school, have supportive parents and think because of their Stanford education life will be smooth sailing.
yes
it softens
you to the plight of others
Good point and well stated.
most kind to note the high level of my verbal efficacy. lmao. join if you like. that is the end of my shameless self promotion. cos evertin hier ist frie!
I read some of the 2024 World Happiness Report since yesterday was the International Day of Happiness. The U.S. dropped out of the Top 20 Happiest countries; but the under 30 demographic ranked much lower than the over 60 demographic.
Looking back on my life, I can see where I had higher expectations at a younger age and how I’ve become more resilient over time.
https://happiness-report.s3.amazonaws.com/2024/WHR+24.pdf
Thank you for sharing. I’ve never heard of this.