My kids with Angus more than 10 years ago. When they were young and I worried about other things.
Even before our children are born, we worry about them. We’re relieved when we count the 10 fingers and 10 toes in the hospital, but we still worry. We’re relieved when they do well on their tests in school and make the team, but we still worry. We worry about safety, about their grades, about what they’ll do for a career, about who they’ll one day marry or if they’ll get married at all. The list of things to worry about feels endless. We hope that our worries will ease as our children get older, but it turns out that’s not the case.
A photo from our beach vacation two years ago.
A recent study conducted by Amber J. Seidel of Pennsylvania State University confirms what many parents already know – you never stop worrying about your children. Her study went on to show that parents actually lose sleep worrying about their adult children. Parents, it looks like we’ll be worrying forever. If your children are already adults, you may already know that to be true. In Seidel’s study, 186 heterosexual married couples with adult children were surveyed. On a scale of 1 to 8, they were asked how much assistance they offer their children. Assistance could include financial, emotional or even chatting on the phone. Choosing 1 meant daily assistance and interaction where 8 was only once a year. The parents were also asked to choose from 1 to 5 regarding stress. In this case, choosing 1 meant no stress, and 5 meant the maximum amount of stress. The third thing these parents tracked was how much sleep they got at night. Moms got an average of 6.66 hours and dads got slightly more with an average of 6.69 hours. The results were not the same for moms and dads. For moms, it didn’t matter if they were the ones offering assistance or if their husbands were the ones offering assistance; moms were stressed out and sleeping less either way. Dads showed a lack of sleep and more stress only when they were the ones offering assistance to their adult children. If their wife offered assistance, it didn’t affect them. This either means that dads are not affected in the same way as moms or that the wives weren’t telling their husbands about the assistance causing the dads to be stress free due to lack of knowledge about the situation.I found it interesting that the dads didn’t lose sleep if their wives were the ones offering support. Or, like the article said, maybe they weren’t aware of what was going on. But the moms lost sleep regardless who was the main person offering support to their kids. Do you worry about your children too, regardless of their age? What do you worry about most?
A more recent photo in our old back yard with Waffles the pug.
I worry every day that something terrible will happen. And then I brush it off
At least you can brush it off.
I was just saying to someone else that one sessions about anything is the equivalent of putting your head in the sand. It’s letting one thing take over everything else
Oh, E.A., I’m with you! Adult matters are so much larger than child ones. The worries just get more serious as they grow. And then grandchildren come and add more child worries too! 😉 I honestly don’t know how anyone survives it without the Lord. When I get concerned to the point where I lose sleep, I realize that I am trying to figure out the answers to their lives and I’m not in my lane. God, who loves my kids, and grandkids, so much more than I, has them in His hands. I just need to pray. And praying not only petitions God to move, it relieves my stress and reminds me where my faith is placed. It helps me rest easier, knowing that God is ‘on the clock’ taking care of them.
I also wrote about it once: https://mamalava.wordpress.com/2021/02/08/glow/. I’m making this comment separate, so it if isn’t appropriate to share a link in your comments, you can take it down or not approve it, or however you have it set up! 😉
I appreciate the link. Thank you.
Thank you. Yes, I agree that prayer is the biggest thing I can do.
I am reminded of a quote by Eckhart Tolle: “Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose”. So no, I do not worry. I educate and influence. If i do that right, then I need not worry.
I like that quote.
Charlie Brown once said “That’s the secret to life,
replace one worry with another.” Lucy said “5 cents, please”
Haha!
This is something I resonate with.
It doesn’t surprise me that men don’t worry. Of COURSE, they aren’t worrying. LMAO.
But seriously, when my oldest daughter left for college, I was filled with anxiety. Why hadn’t anyone warned me that this stage of her life would be the most difficult?? Then I realized I had no control over it. We’ve done our part, and all that remains is for us to be supportive.
By the way, there should be a class for that. To teach parents how to provide support from afar.
You will always be there for them, but we can’t make their situation better for them. Just like we have no influence over our own situation.
So true. For my daughter the years post college are the most difficult. I think college was easier because she had her teammates and coaches. Her life was structured. After college she had to find herself and face the shutdown.
My daughter is a senior and I’m concerned what her life will look like without that support network. Especially in a pandemic. So I understand this.
The pandemic affected so many people. I read 120 million people suffered anxiety and depression worldwide. And young women are being hit the most.
It’s so sad.
I worry but not to the point of sleeplessness unless it is something medically related. Like “theearthspins” above, I tried to lead by example and educate as much as I could but ultimately they need to make their own choices and learn from their own mistakes. We do help as much as we can. Two of our adult kids (33 and 24) live with us because it is so expensive in the Bay Area, as you know. Our oldest daughter (35) struggled a lot during the pandemic, both financially and mentally. We are going out of state this weekend to talk to my MIL to see about her moving in with her to care for her (MIL is 96). That may be a good solution for everyone. But I think the bottom line is you’re always a parent.
Yes, we’re always a parent. My daughter struggled with her mental health which was the source of my worry. That sounds like a good plan for your MIL. I hope it works out.
Only 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 day a year!
I often am reminded of the worries I gave my parents and my brothers gave my parents. Did you give your parents worries or do you think things are intensified nowadays?
My mom said when the hospital called them at 1 a.m. and told them I had been hit by a truck while crossing the street going to a concert, she was never more worried in her life. So, yes, I gave my parents plenty of worry.
I let my parents know I was en route to Israel to work on a kibbutz after leaving an au pair situation in Greece at the age of 21. I also needed a few dollars send to Cyprus!
Wow! I bet your mom worried.
Yes, she published a map of me and where I was outside our ice cream place. I was the talk of the town.